Losing ground

Nike FreeRun+ 2
Only the most amazing running shoe I have ever put my foot in.

Coming back from our vacation in CO I was excited about what a week of training at high altitude could do for my run in flat Kansas. It was definitely a challenge working out in in the high altitude... whoo oxygen! And nothing was flat... running up and down hills mountains was no easy task, but I felt good about putting in the work out there, and what that would mean when we got home...
Cue the sad trombone... WOP WOP.
I missed my (5 mile) long run the sunday we returned because of poor scheduling with my husband... but i was going to count my losses (I had only missed one day, that can't completely throw a training plan, right?) and hit it hard the next week. I got in my normal tuesday run, and was feeling pretty good... and then disaster hit.
Disaster in the form of a very sick 8 month old. Who then shared his sick with mama. And it knocked me on my butt for a few days. So I missed my normal training run, my long run, and did no cross training all week.
I attempted to get out one day for a run but only made it about a half mile before a coughing fit, a screaming child, and a rainstorm forced me to head home. Because sitting on the couch had me gasping for breath through restricted airways, my husband suggested I just take a few days off until I was healthier.
Fast forward to today... where I decided I was healthy enough to hit the road.
Oh crap.
It's amazing how much I lost in a week. Also not idealy the week I lost was the one where mileage starts to pick up... urgh. I was biting it hard on an easy three mile run this morning and trying to swallow and choke back the last remnants of this cough/cold that tore me up. How frustrating! I feel like I have lost a lot of ground that I have to make up now... and I wasn't feeling all that confident about my running at this point anyway.
Plus also vacation+sick week+birthdays= I gained back all three of those pounds that I shed so slowly doing my running. So frustrating!
Z says I am at my wall... I just need to push through it... mentally and physically I need to get past this barrier that keeps me comfy only to about 3-4 miles. It's so hard and it sucks and I am tired of setbacks and excuses and I am trying to push through... but dang it, it sucks right now.

On being another year older, but maybe not wiser.

Twenty seven.
That's right, kids. We're in our late twenties-- wha-WHAT?
I am a huge fan of birthdays. I always have been. I have never been sad about getting older, and have never really understood why people get all worked up about birthdays... or their age... or whatever. Maybe I am not old enough yet, but I have always thought age was something to be celebrated, not mourned or ashamed of. Meh, I don't know.
I asked Z last friday (on his b-day) Do you feel like a 29 year old man? He just shrugged. Then said something to the effect of you are only as old as you decide to act... which I think is true and valid to some extent. We have a nice life, a social life, a busy life. We are active and try to stay healthy. We surround ourselves with lots of family and friends and try to balance everyday life with fun, spontaneous, or a little goofy occasions. I think some people would say that keeps us young-- others (probably other younger and unmarried) would say that makes us old.
But I only occasionally feel old.
I spent some time with my oldest best friend the other day. April and I have been friends for... 27 years. Yup, since the day I was born. We have met so many significant milestones together, school, college graduation, marriage, and even having kids. We were sitting on the floor with our kiddos playing together on my birthday, and we laughed at each other asking-- when did we get so old? When we are together it still feels like we are goofy little kids, it's so strange that we have goofy little kids now. :)
Being a mother has definitely made me feel older. I would like to say it has made me wiser as well... but I bet most parents would agree if there's one thing that parenting teaches you-- it's that you don't know crap. About anything.
We are learning. We learn all kinds of things every day, but the more we learn the more I am aware of the vastness of things I don't understand and maybe never will.
But maybe... that in itself is wisdom-- knowing that you don't know.
And probably having a healthy respect for what you don't know, and a good amount of grace for yourself at the same time.
We can't stop time, we can't stop aging... but we do have control over growth. I hope in this 27 year to keep growing. Keep moving, learning, growing, celebrating, and loving through all life brings to me.
Late twenties? Pshh. Bring it.

Happy Friday

Why is it happy you ask?

Because Daddy will be home.

All.

Weekend.

Cheers, Mama! You survived another week!

Mama Confessions #8

I'm pretty sure my kid hates me.
He's fine when other people are around, but as soon as grandma and grandpa leave, or daddy goes to work-- he screams inconsolably.
I chocked it up to teething or a wonky nap schedule the first couple of days, but it has become a very consistent pattern of happy and content around everyone (the kid doesn't know about stranger danger) and wailing miserably when left alone with Mama.
I'm a nice person. Really. I am trying very hard to be accommodating to your needs, and comforting to your fears... and patient and loving even though I am tired and heartbroken.
But all I get is anger and tears and gnashing of teeth.
Well, there would be gnashing of teeth if there were more teeth to gnash.
I am still holding out hope though, that this might all have something to do with the aquisition of teeth and not as much with an innate hatred for a small one's maternal parental unit.
Sigh. Tough break.
I tell you what.

Mama Confessions #7

I signed up for a local bible study because they offered insanely inexpensive childcare.
I mean, I am sure I will get benefit out of the once a week bible study too-- but it was really the childcare thing that reeled me in.

Mama Confessions #6

I talked about poo on my blog.
I swore I never would, and I did. Be it ever so briefly, it's there. Making me one of those moms.
This is my public confession and apology.
I swear I will do everything in my power to keep such things from happening again.