It's a Journey

Introducing...

2012-01-07T16:57:00.000-06:00

So it's been three weeks, and you still haven't been properly introduced. I am sorry for that. It's been a crazy three weeks, and I will try to catch you up on the holidays and happenings soon... but first and most importantly...

Introducing my baby boy:

Samuel Ellis

born December 16, 2011

9 lbs 2.7 oz

19.5 inches long

He is perfect, and amazing, and... we are just smitten. Slowly settling into parenting. And trying to figure out how to function without sleep... (Baby Boy likes to party all night... woot.) Anyway, more to come... very soon. You can be sure of it.

Christmas 2011

2011-12-25T12:18:00.001-06:00

It's official

2011-11-28T16:22:00.000-06:00

Source: fc05.deviantart.net via Valerie on Pinterest

In my current with-child state... I-- I mean, WE-- outweigh my husband. Sigh.
I am probably going to need another pint of Ben and Jerry's to cry this one out.

Need a little Christmas?

2011-11-22T14:36:00.000-06:00

Surely you've heard the Chirstmas song "We need a little Christmas". You may not know all the words, but you could probably hum a few bars, right?

(I'm not a huge Glee fan, but this song from MAME the 1970-something movie involved Lucille Ball singing and a scary as crap santa mask that I won't subject you to. You're welcome.)
The song is actually from the musical Mame, and in the context of the story takes place one week before Thanksgiving when everyone is broke and downtrodden and in need of some distraction and celebration in the midst of their anxiety and hard times. So they counter that by decorating their home and giving everyone's Christmas gifts early!
My husband is a strict "NO CHRISTMAS UNTIL DECEMBER" type scrooge. He last night was preaching some blah-blah about how decorating and celebrating before thanksgiving waters down the holiday, makes things less meaningful, and doesn't give Thanksgiving a fair chance... I don't know when he became the "Spirit of Thanksgiving" Police... but as far as I can tell his previous thoughts on the subject have been as follows: Thanksgiving, I get to sleep in and get a day off work before peak season begins. Yay. Oh, and also I have to eat stuff my wife makes. Meh.
Spirit of Thanksgiving. I can see why he might be concerned about that being brushed over and watered down. (rolls eyes)
Look, I am generally on board with the wait 'til after thanksgiving to put up your Christmas decor crowd. Really, I am. Thats how my family always did it, I'm at peace with it normally. But this year is not normal.
This year I am 9 months pregnant.
I have more or less completed the nursery. I am anxious and uncomfortable and in need of distraction... but mostly in need of something to DO so I don't sit at home and obsess over every tiny hiccup coming from my overly large belly. I want to decorate and prepare for Christmas NOW.
I have wanted to for several weeks, and Mr. Spirit of Thanksgiving is all no, no, NO.
But I NEED this. I need something to do and something to distract and something to make me feel warm and fuzzy and celebratory... so it can choke out the feelings of panic and anxiety and impatience. I need a little Christmas now!
Last weekend while Z was blissfully sleeping in, the peanut in my belly woke me up at 7:00 and I couldn't go back to sleep... so I went downstairs, moved some boxes around, and hauled out the Christmas tree. I told Z what I had done after he woke up and he didn't believe me until he went downstairs... NO. He said. No tree until after thanksgiving! But it's already out and ready to go, and it makes no sense to just leave it in a box. I want it out and sparkling in my living room! And since the tree, garlands, and wreaths are all in the same box, it only makes sense to get those out as well, before putting the box away. He said to me the other day, Why do I get the feeling I am going to come home to a decorated house some day this week?
I don't know, Z? Maybe because this is what your wife NEEEEEEEEDS right now.
I need a little Christmas.
Just a little bit.
So I am taking a cue from Mame. We may be rushing things but... deck the halls again now!

"For unto us a child is born!"

2011-11-20T08:28:00.000-06:00

We took an 8 hr marathon childbirth class yesterday. We couldn't sign up for the class series because Z works evenings, so our only option was an all day Saturday class. Overall, it wasn't terrible. The instructor kept things fast paced and we got frequent breaks so it didn't feel overwhelming. The worst part was the videos (saw way more vag yesterday than I ever thought I would in my lifetime) but that was to be expected I guess.
In the end I came away more informed and a little more comfortable with how the whole process is going to go. So I think it was worth the $70 and giving up a full Saturday (despite the scary vag videos).
Z learned something too.
As we were leaving i asked him what he thought was the most valuable thing he learned from the class. He said: "If you go into labor at night, you can't wake me up"
Which is... true. I mean the instructor DID say if you are in early stages of labor in the middle of the night, try to rest and let your birth partner rest for as long as possible. I do find it interesting that he singled this comment out as the most important thing from the whole class. Hmmm... priorities, Z.

Last night when we were sitting around watching TV after the class Z asked me what music I would put on a play list to take to the hospital with me. After considering briefly I said-- OOH! Christmas music!
And Z gave me an irritated look. "Not ALL Christmas music... lets make a long play list and you can mix it in here and there" he said.
"Okay, but mostly Christmas..." I said.
And Z groaned.
Because he knows his wife. And he knows that to me 'Christmas music' is NOT Bing Crosby or Here comes Santa Claus, or even a tasteful O Holy Night. To me Christmas Music is Handel's Messiah. And I sing along. And so does each member of my family in their respective part. And my family will probably be around some (maybe most?) of my labor.
But you can't tell me we will be the first family to have a Do It Yourself Messiah in L&D.
Or maybe we will, but what the heck.
Distraction, relaxation, breathing... I tell you what, an oratorio has it all for me. Mind if I melisma through this next contraction?

The Longest Month

2011-11-18T12:22:00.000-06:00

Source: Uploaded by user via Shirley on Pinterest

I have truly tried to stay away from my blog when I am feeling particularly emotional or mushy... which is pretty much all the time these days, given my current state. But I didn't figure you all needed post after post or prego-emoting.
But I looked at a calnedar today... and we have about a month left before our due date.
A MONTH!
4 weeks. Or it could be sooner... or longer.
One month from today could very possibly be his birthday, or we might wait another 2 weeks to meet him. But about a month.
One month is so frustrating. It's such a short time-- while also seeming like an eternity.
A whole month.
Only a month.
How does one wait such a long time when it's flying by?
And with all the millions of things I should do each day to be ready... all I really want to do is sit at home and rest and watch my wiggling belly. Enjoy this as much as I can, and soak it in. Everyone thinks they are clever and original when they tell me everything is about to change-- I know that. I am excited and terrified. And anxious. And trying to soak it all in and not wish it away becuase this time-- while miserably uncomfortable-- is important too. But everything is already changing.
I want my baby boy! And I want to wait patiently for him too.
One month.

Unemployed.

2011-11-17T12:30:00.000-06:00

Four weeks from today will be my last day of work here.
After much consideration, debate, 'running numbers', discussion, and even some tears... Z and I made the decision that we think will be best for our family. When our little Boy (Due Dec 22-- but maybe sooner???) is born... I am going to be a full time stay at home mom.
About 2 weeks ago I informed my employer. Dec. 15th will be my last day. After that I will be unemployed and making a huge career shift to full-time Mommy-hood.
I have some trepidation over this for many reasons...
First, we will soon be a single income family. And while my husband makes a decent income, our take-home pay is strangled by nearly $700 in student loans we pay every month. Without a second income, our monthly dent in those student loans will greatly decrease, as we will need more of that money to live off of. Also our 'lifestyle' may have to be altered a bit as there will be less disposable income for frivolous spending and eating out as often as (particularly my husband) likes to. But it will be okay. I am certain we will find a way to make it work. What I know for sure is that we didn't want to put our child in full time day-care, and even if I were working part time, after paying for childcare and gas... we'd be barely breaking even with my salary. And that's just not worth it. So staying at home was the best-- really only option for us-- and the rest of the finances will be worked out as we go!
Second, there is so much unknown about this future 'career' for me. Will I be a good mom? Will I know what to do? Will it come naturally to me... like everyone tells me? Will I like staying at home with my kid? Will I be dying to get away for a few hours? Will the pressures of all day every day childcare and household duties overwhelm me? Will I love it? Will it be a perfect fit? I don't know... I don't know the answers to any of those questions, but they run through my mind on autoplay loop as I anxiously await the arrival of that 'last day' and the arrival of our baby boy.
Also I wonder if I will feel guilt over not being able to contribute financially to our family. Or... If I will feel lost and without a sense of purpose. And I know those are shallow selfish concerns, but they are more questions that haunt me right now.
Don't get me wrong-- I said above that Z and I made this decision together, and we made the decision we thought would be best for our family. And I am excited. Truly. I feel lucky to be in the situation we are in allowing me to stay home with my kiddo. Also, because Z's schedule is so erratic, this will allow us the most time to spend together as a family, not bound to other work and daycare schedules. That is a blessing as well.
So I am actually surprised at my own feelings toward this change, because it's really what I have wanted all along for my family... but the new and unknown make me feel so uneasy about the future.
The first big step was made-- alerting my employer that I would not be returning to work after the birth of our kiddo. Now we wait for (and try not to obsess over), the next step the arrival of the baby that will change everything.
Everything... including my employment status. In 4 weeks. Or maybe sooner...

Oh, and I hate the abbreviation SAHM. Just in case you cared.

Classy!

2011-11-01T10:48:00.000-05:00

Guess what? In (possibly less than) two months we are going to be first time parents! Holy cow!
You may have noticed the blog has been a little more silent than usual recently... that's because it seems every waking second is consumed with preparation for this kiddo coming. Which is a good thing...
But would you believe we are still feeling a little overwhelmed???
I know, I know... We are like, the first parents ever to be terrified and/or overwhelmed by impending parenthood.
Anyway, to help ease our worries and trepidation, I have been readying myself with lots of reading and research on various baby and parenting topics... and I have enrolled us in about 10 different education courses offered by a local hospital.
Okay, not 10.
4.
But whatever.
(Yes, I enrolled us in a class called: Baby 101)
I know veteran parents are shaking heads in amusement at my frantic preparation, but I know shockingly little about children and childcare and what the crap I am actually supposed to DO with the kid when I bring him home. While I know the classes I signed us up for won't be all-encompassing, I am hoping they can at least give us a base of reference... and from there we are sane, logical people who can mostly figure it out, right? Here's hoping that assumption is true.
So in the next couple months, if we seem a little extra busy and unavailable for social interaction-- please don't take it personally. Know that we are filling our little heads with lots of baby knowledge so that hopefully in 2-ish months when Baby P gets here we don't screw him up too much. (Fingers crossed!)

We're still not saying...

2011-10-25T21:59:00.000-05:00

But you are welcome to take a guess should your heart so desire.
At our shower last week everyone wrote their guesses on the chalkboard... do you think anyone got it right?

Fears

2011-10-24T10:20:00.001-05:00

I'm pretty terrified of this Dr. appointment today. I am terrified I am going to get there, and step on that scale, and the numbers are going to blink back at me something... something higher than THAT number that I have been terrified of reaching.
And my husband will stare in horrified shock, and nurses will whisper behind their hands and the whole office will get quiet and stare at the whale of a pregnant woman who just broke the scale... and it will be awful.
I have been careful and considerate of the food I consume and my level of activity my entire pregnancy. I had a reasonable and healthy goal for the amount of weight I would gain... but the past couple weeks I've been packing on the pounds like it's my JOB. And, yes, I know, it's normal and healthy and you are SUPPOSED to gain when you are pregnant... but there is this number that I never wanted to see... and I am tipping dangerously close to it...
And terrified I will see it today.
Sigh.
And the world might end.

In other less dramatic news... Z is playing video games and named one of his players after our kid. Awww. My Mom is totally going to try to break into his video games now and try to figure out the name.
Hint: It's not Floyd.

Technology Paranoia

2011-09-15T11:47:00.000-05:00

You know whats weird? We now have a friend who has the same first name as my Husband. Every time I call or text my husband I check the number about 15 times before hitting 'send' because I am just certain someday I will be careless and hit the first Zach I see in my phone and embarrass myself. Not that I send incriminating texts or voice mails on a regular basis... but a "Hey Babe, I love you!" sent to the wrong person would still be a little awkward.
But then, I have always been extra paranoid about that kind of thing. Since the very first day I had an email account (we had dial-up Juno on our family desktop-- anyone remember juno???) I always kinda worried that maybe my emails weren't going to who they were supposed to. Even today, I always check and double check my addresses several times-- even if the email is not of a personal nature. I am terrified when I do send something of a more personal nature and often will check my 'sent' box several times just to make sure I didn't hit 'reply all' or something.
And again, it's not that I am sending nasty or incriminating emails out... I just... wonder how my thoughts and info in the wrong hands might be perceived?
When I am out with friends, or even just having conversations with my husband, I frequently check my phone to make sure I haven't pocket-dialed someone who is getting an earful. This has happened to my dad several times (and got him in big trouble with mom when he was commenting on her cooking... oops!) and actually happened to me when I, unbeknownst to me, announced my pregnancy on my cousin's voicemail through an over heard conversation with my husband... via pocket dial. Oops.
Not that I spend a lot of my time secretly plotting things, or bad mouthing friends... but everyone has personal stuff that they discuss with their spouse or close friends they'd rather not the whole world hear, right?
And so this world of technology at our fingertips (or pocket tips?) and all the simple but disastrous ways things could go wrong has me double checking like a paranoid freak on a regular basis. Just to make sure...
Am I the only one who does that?

Recovery

2011-09-12T10:52:00.000-05:00

We had two cars 'in the shop' last week. That's always a bummer. Shuffling cars and rides about and trying to get everyone where they are supposed to be is a pain. But not as painful as the repair bill when you get the cars back. I mean, we are totally grateful for our good friend, and honest mechanic who saves us a buttload of money on car repairs... but even still car repairs always produce cringe-worthy bills at inopportune times.
Times like last week, when we had just been on vacation, paychecks were smaller than usual, and rent was due. Yikes.
I felt like last week we were holding our breath financially-- trying to squeak by without spending any money on anything so we wouldn't have to pull from savings to pay for the car repairs. (I HATE pulling money from savings for any reason. I know that's why you have 'emergency' savings-- for emergencies like cars, but I still hate using it because it goes so darn fast.)
Anyway, we made it through the week, and when our paychecks hit the bank on Friday we went to the grocery store, filled our cars with gas, and paid our rent real-quick-like. And it felt like a sigh of relief. We went about our weekend in a normal manner, made no large purchases, but the normal trip to walmart to pick up some cleaning supplies, and a lunch at chipotle on Saturday afternoon.
I checked our bank account this morning online (as I do fairly regularly), did some quick calculations in my head, and sucked in a quick breath as I realized after the student loans due to pay this week, our bank account would be nearing that dreaded round number again by the end of the week.
Dang.
I guess it is going to take us a little longer to financially recover from those car repairs than I had hoped. By the end of the month we should have that happy little 'cushion' in the bottom of our account again... you know the one that makes me feel all comfy and less anxious? But even still, I know that I need to find new ways to define 'comfort' and 'security'. Ways that don't involve dollar signs, nagging my husband about his 'lunch money', and stressing about our financial and work situation once Baby P arrives.
So I guess for me, TRUE recovery is going to take a bit more than waiting a few weeks for things to spring back in our favor. Sigh...

The Name Game: You could win an all expense paid Guilt Trip!

2011-09-08T09:52:00.003-05:00

Yes, we have selected a name for our child.
No, we will not share with you what it is until he is born.
Stop pouting. It's unattractive, and will get you no where. We understand you think this is annoying and selfish. You are welcome to that opinion.
We decided not to tell you our kid's name yet because-- listen closely, now...

WE DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR OPINION.

For real. We really don't.

And I don't say this to be confrontational or rude. There are some things we might desire your input and opinion on, in which case we will ask you. Naming our child is not one of those things.

You see, when you start throwing names out there that you are considering... then other people feel like they have a right to comment...

"Oh, that was my grandfathers name!"

"Oh, I knew a kid with that name I just couldn't stand..."

"I have heard 16 other kids with that name in the last month, wow."

"Eh... I don't know if I like that as well as _____"

Um, yeah... don't care about your grandfather/uncle/teacher/niece/barber who had the same name-- even if you think they are a great person. Don't care that you have bad connotations relating to someone else's kid. Don't care to know how many other people you know who have the name. Don't care if you think it 'works' or 'flows' or isn't as lovely a name as 'Jimmy'.

The reason we pick names is because we like them. We have good memories or connotations of people with the same or similar names. We think it 'works'. Sooo... your comments are not necessary.

I was talking with a friend of the family the other day who was trying to pry the name out of me, and then she started guessing... "Oh, I bet you will name him after your dad. I just can't see any reason why you wouldn't name him after your Dad. I mean, I haven't said anything to your dad just in case you don't, but I will fall off my chair if that baby doesn't have your dad's name."

Yeah, so... what if I am not naming my kid after my dad? What if I want to name him after his own dad or the paternal grandfather, or Z's buddy who died in Iraq, or any number of other special influential people in our lives? What if we are not the kind of people who want to name our kid for someone else? Then what?

Then she just put on a big ol' guilt trip about naming our kid, and stuck her big ol' foot in her mouth, now didn't she?

And yeah, we have the perfect name all picked out-- but what if we change our mind at the very last minute? Then would we have to poll the public for all ya'lls opinions again before we could settle on something? Gosh, I should hope not. The kid would just have to be called BABY for the first couple months of his life. That's silly.

No, my friends. We are keeping this to ourselves. It's a personal, though well thought out decision between just the two of us... And Z and I feel confident you will love the name as much as you love our little bundle as soon as he makes his appearance.

We get it. You are excited.

We are excited, too.

You want to feel involved and important.

And we want you to be involved in Baby P's life.

Just not his name game.

But for real, we are really excited to share the name with you. All of you. As soon as he gets here.

Until then... should the urge strike you... please refer to the large bold type near the top of this post.

Thanks.

Back Seat Granny Driver

2011-09-07T09:52:00.000-05:00

It's no secret: I drive like an old lady. I know it. I've dealt with it. I embrace it.
I have certain physical limitations that have forced me to make adaptations when I am driving... mainly the fact that I have very VERY poor depth perception makes driving difficult. Driving at night is nearly impossible for me. But I know my limitations, and becuase of this, I drive 'slow' (never more than the speed limit) and allow myself 'extra space' (when parking, following, or merging... whatever) Slower speeds and more space offer me more reaction time, therefore make me a safer drivier despite my physical limitations... but it also means sometimes I drive slower than the people I share the road with... or even the people I share a vehicle with.
At the risk of really sounding like an old lady fuddy-duddy... I want you to know that I do not drive over the speed limit. And I don't really like riding in vehicles where the driver does. I know, I know... You are sitting there thinking, well, I only drive 5-10 miles over, and they are not going to give you a ticket for that and I am a safe driver, so it's fine. And perhaps you are an excellent driver... But Joe-Schmo driving next to you on the interstate is not. And when Joe-Schmo makes a bad decision that threatens your safety that 10 mph over the speed you should be driving has just drastically reduced the time you would have to react to Joe cutting you off or slamming on his brakes... etc. Besides, 5-10 miles over the speed limit is only REALLY going to shave a matter of seconds off of your arrival time, though it increases your risk of accident and/or injury exponentially. To me... not really worth it.
So when I am driving, I don't get in a hurry. I make it a habit to allow myself plenty of time to get to my destination so 'hurrying' is not a temptation, and I stay as calm and focused as possible while driving.

Anyway, I am thinking about all this becuase the other day I was in a vehicle with a family member who was driving in such a way that I felt unsafe and uncomfortable. There was a small case of road rage in which the driver of the vehicle decided to tail another driver at a greatly increased rate of speed (in excess of 15 mph over the posted speed limit) on a two lane highway. There was little shoulder on either side of the road, and little room for error. I was exceptionally nervous.
It's pretty universally understood that no one really appreciates a back seat driver. So I closed my eyes and gripped the door and prayed that nothing drastic would happen. We arrived safely. But it kinda made me wonder. When, if ever, is it appropriate to comment on someone else's driving?
Is there ever a time when it is appropriate for someone beside the driver to make a call on how fast someone should be driving for the the situation, road condition, safety of others in the car, etc.?
Is there a time when it is appropriate to say to a driver, your actions or attitude are impairing your ability to drive, you need to cool down/focus or allow someone else to take over? (And I am not talking about someone who has been drinking, lets all just agree that you would never let them begin to drive... but I have told my husband before not to eat, or flip through his CD's while driving... my sister is the queen of texting while driving--which scares me to death... or the case the other day with the road rage impairing the driver's judgement...) At this point should you as a passenger say-- for the safety of myself and others, you need to slow down/cool down/ take a break/put the phone down...
OR
Do you accept their driving and judgement when you get in the car with them and respect their space and keep your mouth shut?
What do you think? Is there a line there? Where would you draw it?

Equilibrium

2011-08-30T10:37:00.000-05:00

We have a lot of stuff.
A LOT OF STUFF.
We have a small house.
And we try to cram our lot of stuff in that small house and it makes everything more difficult. It makes less room in the small house, and less stuff actually accessible to us. So therefore... I would say 80% of the STUFF we have we don't use. No good.
I want to get rid of the un-used stuff so we have more room to get to and to use the usable stuff.
This however, is not an easy task. Taking a large amount of time to sort through and decide what we should part with sounds neither appealing nor glamorous... and also really frustrating and mundane, to be truthful.
So in the mean time, I have a new method to deal with it. It's my one for one method. It won't truthfully help to cut down on the amount of stuff we have. It will help control the accumulation of more stuff ON TOP OF the stuff we already have. It's pretty simple and straightforward and it goes like this:
For every new item we bring into our home, we must get rid of something.
This is easy as pie when you are replacing consumable or worn out/broken objects. A few examples:

Z got new running shoes, threw out the old muddy garden shoes. (his old running shoes are the new mud shoes... but we have the same number of shoes in the house to fulfilling the same purpose.)
Z got new undershirts, because his old ones were dingy and hole-y. Old undershirts were discarded. (actually, they were used as rags for staining and glazing furniture, then discarded. Lest you think I would toss something useful.)

It's a bit harder when you aren't replacing something, but here are some examples:

Z bought several new books and video games with birthday money, but sorted out about 30 books from a bookshelf that he took to 1/2 price books. (bonus-- sold them and got about $50 out of the deal)
I got a new serger for my B-day (Eeks! sooooo excited) and I am getting rid of the carpet cleaning machine that (sadly) no longer works (but we kept around hoping it might some day).
I am thinking of spending some birthday $$ on a food processor... which will eliminate a salad shooter (yup, i actually have 2 of these-- straight from the 90's with all the attachments in perfect working condition. Wait-- why do I have two???) and immersion blender attachments from my kitchen cabinets. (do I get a bonus points for getting rid of multiple items???)

I know, it's technically not cutting down on the amount of STUFF in our house. But the new rule is a step in the right direction. Z seems okay with it too. Probably because thinking one thing at a time is a lot better option (for both of us) than thinking... you need to clean out the basement.
My hope is that it will create a sort of equilibrium in our house, teach us to use and value the things that we have, and keep you from seeing us on an episode of hoarders in a few years. :)
Soooooo... would anyone like a salad shooter???

BBABL Update

2011-08-23T10:47:00.001-05:00

Yesterday I said to Z: "I know we can't wait for Baby P to get here, but I am kinda glad we still have 'til December when he will arrive."
It's one of those things... days are dragging on monotonously, but time is just flying by faster than I can count. And we can't wait for the day we hold our little one in our arms for the first time, but are desperately trying to have everything ready for something we won't ever have enough time to prepare for.
Anyway, I said it because I feel like there are still a ton of things I want to do before he arrives and ties up our 'spare time' for the next 18-ish years. Also, there is still much prep for him, but yesterday I was thinking mostly selfishly: I want to complete some things for me.
And I have a few things on my BBABL (Before Baby Arrives Bucket List) that I have completed. I am quite proud. Here's what it looks like now: (comments in green)

~~1. Purchase prints of engagement and wedding photos and hang in house.~~ (actually, I got a REALLY good deal on some canvases from THIS website... highly recommend!
~~2. Re-paint that chunk of red wall in the kitchen that never got hit after the bathroom remodel.~~
3. Train dogs to stay off furniture.
4. Create Recipe Book of Z approved meals for easy access.
~~5. Replace grungy, stinky living room rug.~~ Didn't actually replace it... but cleaned it to a less stinky state, that might be liveable, so I am marking it off for now.
6. Finish upholstering zebra chair.
~~7. Teach Z to make a few simple meals.~~ Really havn't done a lot of teaching, but he has been takign care of about one meal a week, which has honestly been really nice. He can rock pasta, grilled cheese, tacos, and quesadillas. So thats a good start.
~~8. Romantic getaway with Z.~~ We leave soon for a romantic evening at a fancy hotel... followed by some road tripping to see fam.
9. Get my keyboard from parent's attic and set up/accessible in my house -- play piano or sing a little bit at least a couple times a week.
10. Tame the paper monster in the office/basement, get a filing system in place for important documents and bills. I got halfway there, I piled it in one place, cleaned out the filing cabinet, made folders and lebels... and now I just need to file.
11. Sort through clothes and shoes and get rid of torn, faded, stained, and too small stuff I don't wear anymore.
12. Do more reading for fun -- I'll give myself a goal of completing at least 2 more novels before Dec. (Don't judge, I am a ridiculously slow reader!) Halfway through Novel #1. Woot. Remember I read slow.
~~13. Invite friends and family over for dinner... dessert... or even just coffee at our house so I can participate in that oh-so-fulfilling practice of hospitality.~~ Had fam over for dinner, girls night the other night, and plans to have some friend over in the the next couple weeks, I don't know if I should mark this off, becuase it's kind of an ongoing thing... but I like to mark things off, so I am going to.
14. Complete Christmas shopping (it'll have to be done early this year).
15. Memorize Scripture passage (was supposed to be my summer project, opps.) Started...
16. Actually SEND the gifts I made for friends MONTHS ago. Um... yeah. The baby I made gifts for is officially here. I should get on that.

And... I have another one to add to my list:
17. Refinish sewing cabinet. (my parents scored a really cool old sewing cabinet from some friends for $0!!! it's kind grubby and ugly, but I see potential. I am excited to fix her up!)

Sooo... I've got my work cut out for me over the next couple months, but i feel good about the progress I've made on my list. Plus, the Baby room is slowly coming together... which makes me heart happy. :) Check back with me in a few...

Man-date

2011-08-19T09:12:00.000-05:00

Z went on what I would consider a very successful man-date yesterday. I was having some girls over for a movie night, so I kicked him out of the house and told him he needed to find a guy to hang out with and do guy stuff. He seemed sheepish about asking, so I plowed ahead and asked an acquaintance at our church for him this previous Sunday. In retrospect, I probably should have let him do it, but I was afraid he never would, and Z needs guy friends to hang out with. Anyway, arrangements were made and yesterday afternoon he left for his man-date-- an afternoon fishing with a buddy. Very manly.
Last night when Z finally got home after 10:00 he was all kinds of excited. He spent the next couple hours rattling off all kinds of stories about his new BFF and telling me all about why they were a perfect match and it just seems like fate wants them to be best friends, and even their wives are very similar so the couple pairing is pretty much a dream team, and this is going to be great! I just laughed at him. He was positively giddy to have a guy friend again. I haven't seen him this smitten since Caleb left.
Speaking of Caleb... whenever he was around, Z used to get all defensive when I would say 'man-date'. "It's not a date, we are just hanging out. Don't call it a date." The word 'bromance' was strictly forbidden. Either he has gotten over himself or I have worn him down or something because Z didn't seem to blink when I talked about his 'man-date' this week. In fact, last night after he got home I asked him if they had talked about getting together to 'jam' (as this has always been the ultimate, unattainable quality in a friend for Z... someone to 'jam' with.) And he said, "Nah, that's really not a first date kind of topic. Maybe the second or third date."
HA!
I laughed at his joke, and he did too. But I felt a small twinge of pride. Yup, I wore him down.
Okay seriously now, all joking about awkward male relationship terms aside...
Before we even got married Z and I talked a lot about the importance of maintaining relationships outside of our marriage. Obviously the marriage is the first and most important relationship in both our lives... But we also recognize that it's important to one's emotional and spiritual health to maintain relationships with other family members, personal friends, and couples.
We have been pretty successful with the family side of things... but friends, especially for Z, became kind of a hardship. Right before, or shortly after our wedding all of Z's good friends moved out of the area-- for different reasons. Several of them were married, some were not, but that took most of our 'couple friends' our age and pretty much all of Z's guy friends that he hung out with regularly.
And we haven't been hermits, there are a few people that we hang out with somewhat regularly, but I know that Z has especially been missing that 'best friend' connection-- or just a guy to hang out with, you know without it being a big deal. (do you like how awkward this is? Here's me trying to not over-feminize a conversation about a male relationship and not really being terribly successful. All I know is that everyone, male or female, desires that reliable, close, honest, best friend relationship... and you can call it a million different things, and we joke about it because our culture doesn't really value that kind of vulnerability... but whatever. Bottom line is... everyone needs it. It's important.)
Anyway, I know my husband is excited and happy to have new guy-friends in his life, and possibly a new BFF (he loves it when I use junior high girly terms like that). It also makes me happy to see him fulfilled and happy... and I am especially happy that because he has a guy friend now-- I will never have to go fishing or camping.
Win.

Dad's Home!

2011-08-18T10:51:00.000-05:00

Every night when Z gets home from work the boys go NUTS. They hear his car pull up and wait at the door crying. Once he opens it they start jumping about and barking and wiggling and whining joyously until they get a little attention from their Dad. They love their dad. I kinda get the feeling that they wait around all day for Z to get home so they can get their few moments of attention and snuggle time once he sits down.
Last night, I wasn't feeling so hot. I was laying on the bed when Z got home. I heard the boys start to whine, then the door opened downstairs and Z came in. I smiled as I heard him greeting the dogs. He came right up to our room and as soon as he walked through the door and said "Hey," Baby P--who had been pretty still all day--starting kicking and rolling around like CRAZY. Strong kicks. stronger than usual. Z sat down on the bed next to me and we chatted for a few minutes while kiddo continued to kick around. I laughed and told Z that his child was going crazy.
He sighed... because he hasn't been able to feel Baby P kick yet. (I kinda think he doesn't really believe I am feeling him move, since he hasn't been able to yet.)
"Can I feel him move yet?" he asked.
I don't know...??? It's worth a try. I grabbed his hand and placed it on my belly. Of course, the kid immediately went still. We sat quietly for a few moments.
"He's not moving now, I'm sorry." I said.
"It's okay..." Z said. But at the sound of his dad's voice Baby gave a timid kick.
"Wait-- did you feel that???"
And this huge, giddy smile spread across Z's face.
"I think I did!" and then Baby P kicked again harder... "Was that him?"
Yup. That's him.
He was so excited. Well, actually, I am pretty sure they both were.
We reached the point in pregnancy a few weeks ago where baby can supposedly 'hear' us, and start to recognize our voices. While that's a charming sentiment, I didn't put much stock in this claim because it seemed a little silly-- like something made up by over enthusiastic parents trying too hard to make up a connection with their unborn child. But... now I am thinking there is some validity to it.
It COULD just be coincidence.
But it seemed to me like Baby P was responding to his Dad's voice last night. It seems like, just like the boys, he got SUPER excited when dad got home. Like he started wiggling around and showing off just to get a little attention and snuggle time from his dad.
And... I don't think Z minded. In fact, I think he quite enjoyed finally getting some attention from his son. The smile on his face made me giddy too. It makes this Mama's heart happy that my boys-- ALL my boys-- love their Dad so much. And that my Dear Husband loves his boys-- the furry, needy ones, and the little one kicking for attention from my belly. :)
What a sweet day!

Nursery Prep Update

2011-08-12T10:29:00.000-05:00

Remember THIS LIST?
Well, now it looks like this:

~~1. Clean out basement to make space for 'guest bedroom'~~
~~2. Move guest bed to basement~~
~~3. Remove all clothes and items from guest bedroom closet and dresser~~
~~4. Sand and paint all furniture for nursery.~~
5. Line all drawers
6. Assemble Crib scheduled for 9/12 delivery and set up
7. Build more shelving in nursery closet this weekend! 8/14
8. Paint nursery this weekend! 8/13
9. Select and purchase rug for nursery
~~10. Select and purchase rocker/glider/chair for nursery~~
~~11. Select and purchase fabric/linens for nursery~~
12. Sew curtains for window and closet 'door'
13. Sew bedding, baby quilt
14. Decide on other decor/accessories to purchase/make/register for
15. Hang all pictures/artwork/shelving, Move in all clothing and care items, put all toys and other personal items in place.
16. Show Baby P his new room!

Okay, so there is a little fib. You know how #4 claims that I have sanded and painted all furniture for the nursery... well... I have. I just... still have to put on the top coat. Tonight. this stupid project is one I mistakenly thought I could tackle in about 3 days (sand day 1, paint day 2, reassemble and enjoy a lemonade on the patio day 3). HA. 3 weeks later... well, you see, the sanding took longer than I predicted. I mean, I am still working full time so I only have about an hour or two to devote to this project every night... once you calculate in the number of breaks I have to take because the up and down and the fumes and the dust can make me sick really fast! Anyway... once the sanding was done, it was a coat of primer... and a 4 hour dry time before painting. Then 3 coats of chocolate brown paint, a light sanding and a final coat-- each of those with a 4 hr dry time in between. Then glazing... so it looks kinda better than fake wood painted brown. And it does look good... but now it needs a hard protective top coat. Which claims to might take 3 coats to cover... SIGH.
At least my husband took pity on me after I had a pregnant breakdown a few days ago. (okay, lets not lie I have a pregnant breakdown every day... look my kid likes to lay on my spine so my sciatic nerve thing is going nuts, and I never claimed to be tough cookies.) So he helped me finish the painting and glazing technique last night. (He held a lamp because that room is stupid dark, and said... "a little more there... and fix that there... " while I was trying to get the faux technique to look perfect. He also cleaned up my mess when I dumped an entire cup of glaze on the floor in the middle of the dresser top.) So now all that's left to do is the *expensive* safecoat so our kid doesn't die from toxic paint and off-gassing. That is, if he doesn't already have flippers from the all fumes I've been sucking while painting.
(Okay, I wore a mask to minimize hazards. You know I am paranoid about having a flipper child though.)
So tonight I am going to safecoat the furniture, and I will stay up 'til dawn to finish the stupid thing if I have to... because that's how dedicated I am. And while I am happy with the results, this whole thing has made me realize that I never ever ever want to refinish furniture again. Ever.
This weekend we are painting the room a soothing blue, tropical lagoon, and the closet a peppy green, spring leaf. 'We' meaning, I am making Z do it... and my dad is going to build us some shelving for our closet. And lest you think I am skipping out on the painting projects this weekend, rest assured I am not. I fully intend to take myself and get a pedicure while dear husband is painting the nursery on Saturday.
I know. It's a tough life, but I am fully dedicated to this project.

If you are interested in my 'Baby Space Design' ideas and plans... you can check out these posts from my other blog:
Baby Space Design: Part I
Baby Space Design: Part II
Baby Space Design: Part III
It's slightly more interesting than listening to me complain about painting.

I work with hillbillies and all about buying expensive baby junk

2011-08-08T14:14:00.001-05:00

I have mentioned before that the people I work with are certifiably crazy. I have mentioned before that the people I work with are dirty hillbillies. I imagine that you, my faithful reader, aware of my love for hyperbole (used strictly as literary device to make my strong opinions clear) may have written these accusations off as more of my excited ramblings.
Today, while sitting in my office minding my own business, I witnessed a lengthy conversation about how to make your own moonshine in your kitchen. How to rig the whole thing up with a pressure cooker and (this is an exact quote) 'some copper tubing taken off a job site.' This conversation took place IN. MY. OFFICE. In the middle of the work day.
Hillbillies. Dirty ones. It's official. Making moonshine in your kitchen with stolen copper tubing official.
First of all, EW.
Second, EWWWWW, why do I work here???
Third, anyone know of opening in a non-hillbilly operated business open immediately? I feel as though i have had all the moonshine chat I can handle for... the rest of my life.

On a mostly not related note, I went garage sale-ing with my mom on Saturday. We went to some shaaaaaady sales in g-town. I'm talking shady. They are probably cousins/married to the hillbillies I work with. Then we stopped by a friend's house who was having a garage sale, and scored an extra base for our carseat for $5. (they are $60 to purchase new from the store.) Normally, I would be against purchasing items such as carseats used, just because you never know if the item has been in an accident or has in some other way been compromised. I felt confident purchasing it from my friend, as I trust her and she said it had never been in an accident and she is a very clean person and excellent mother.
Second hand safety items from trusted friend = okay.
Second hand safety items from hillbilly stranger = just say no.
Actually, it doesn't have to be a hillbilly (that's just my theme today) I wouldn't recommend second hand safety items like a carseat or base from any stranger... even if they have all their teeth.
Okay.

On the tail end of my car seat bargain, we decided to spent a buttload of money on a fancy upholstered glider/rocker for our nursery. I kept going back and forth on whether or not I was willing to spend that kind of money on it... but I was having an 'it's okay to splurge with money we did save for this specific purpose' kind of day, so I told Z we should go shopping. I set us a budget that I thought was on the high side of reasonable, but we quickly discovered we would be hard pressed to stay within that budget for what we were wanting. In fact the first store we went to... the cheapest chair they had (which we did like well enough) was sill going to put us over that budget, and that was before tax, and all the protection plan they would try to sell you 'becuase your kid will probably puke on it'. SIGH.
Store number two. Cheaper prices... lower quality... but still found something that we liked, coming in just a little under our budget but tax and 'your kids gonna puke on it' plan would take us to just above our budget. I sighed, but decided we wouldn't find anything cheaper (trust me, I have searched tirelessly) so lets just do it.
So we did. they totalled up our ticket-- just over our budget, as predicted. We took the ticket to the front to pay, and SURPRISE!
There was a mystery sale price that rung up that the sales person apparently didn't know about or didn't tell us about. And because the 'your kids gonna puke on it' plan was based on a price point, the sale price took that cost down as well... and our 'just over budget' rocker came in at about $100 UNDER budget. And I didn't sigh and feel frustrated about the amount anymore, but strutted out of the store like a ROCKING CHAIR BUYING ROCK STAR.
Because that's pretty much what I am.
(And I guess Z can be too if he wants... because he let me get the chunky corduroy upholstery which is super soft and I am a little bit tooooooo excited about.)

So, just to summarize this post (heck I could have saved you a bunch of reading): If you make moonshine you are a hillbilly and I might be your co-worker. Don't put your child's safety in the hands of a stranger, even if they have all their teeth. Z and I bought a chair and are rock stars.
That is all.

Baby P

2011-07-29T14:24:00.000-05:00

Here's your first peek at Baby P. Just... amazing.

Nursery Prep To Do List

2011-07-25T14:00:00.000-05:00

1. Clean out basement to make space for 'guest bedroom'
2. Move guest bed to basement
3. Remove all clothes and items from guest bedroom closet and dresser
4. Sand and paint all furniture for nursery.
5. Line all drawers
6. Assemble Crib
7. Build more shelving in nursery closet
8. Paint nursery
9. Select and purchase rug for nursery
10. Select and purchase rocker/glider/chair for nursery
11. Select and purchase fabric/linens for nursery
12. Sew curtains for window and closet 'door'
13. Sew bedding, baby quilt
14. Decide on other decor/accesories to purchase/make/register for
15. Hang all pictures/artwork/shelving, Move in all clothing and care items, put all toys and other personal items in place.
16. Show Baby P his new room!

WHEW! It looks like we have a lot to do... until I tell you that items 1 and 2 were completed this weekend. Then you are like... "Oh! Well then, you... still have a lot to do."
Sigh. I know. It's daunting. Items number 3 and 4 start tonight...
We have until December. And even then I hear infants don't complain TOO much about incomplete nurseries as long as it's, you know, safe and whatnot.
We'll take out the paint cans and cover any exposed wiring by December, okay? Cool.
And... GO!

Boy or Girl?

2011-07-18T15:16:00.001-05:00

The Chinese Gender Prediction chart (it's based on your lunar age or something reliable like that...) says:
IT'S A BOY!

THIS nifty gender prediction test guesses:
IT'S A GIRL!
You have a 35% chance of having a boy.
And you have a 64% chance of having a girl.
(hmmm... 64+35=99 There is a 1% chance my child will be a hippopotomus.)And Here's Why...
You are carrying the extra weight out front, so it's a boy.
The hair on your legs is not growing any faster during your preganacy, so it's a girl.
Boys are carried low. You are going to have a boy.
Sleeping in a bed with your pillow to the south indicates that you will be having a girl.
Your feet are not colder than they were before pregnancy. You are having a girl.
Dad-to-be hasn't been gaining weight along with Mom-to-be, so it will be a girl.
The maternal grandmother doesn't have gray hair (dyed or natural), so a girl will be born.
You had morning sickness early in pregnancy, so you are expecting a girl.
You are looking particularly good during pregnancy. Therefore, it must be a boy, because girls steal their mother's looks.
Your chest development has been quite dramatic during pregnancy. You should expect a girl.
Since the sum of the mother's age at conception and the number of the month of conception is even, it will be a boy.
You have a craving for salty or sour foods, which means that it is a boy.
You have been craving fruits, so it is a girl.
Your baby's heart rate is 140 or more beats per minute, so it's a girl.

A facebook poll of friends and family's guesses had an overwhelming response of:
IT'S A BOY!

Daddy thinks he's figured it out that:
IT'S A GIRL!

...But Mama still thinks:
IT'S A BOY!

I guess none of these are terribly reliable sources... so we will just have to hold on. The sonogram in a few weeks should shed some light on the subject... if not? Well we will know for sure on or around Dec 22, 2011 (Baby P's Birthday!).
What's your guess?

BBABL

2011-07-14T16:05:00.001-05:00

(Before Baby Arrives Bucket List)
Aside from the obvious baby preparations, these are some things around my house and around my life that I want to accomplish before Baby P arrives:

1. Purchase prints of engagement and wedding photos and hang in house.
2. Re-paint that chunk of red wall in the kitchen that never got hit after the bathroom remodel.
3. Train dogs to stay off furniture.
4. Create Recipe Book of Z approved meals for easy access.
5. Replace grungy, stinky living room rug.
6. Finish upholstering zebra chair.
7. Teach Z to make a few simple meals.
8. Romantic getaway with Z.
9. Get my keyboard from parent's attic and set up/accessible in my house -- play piano or sing a little bit at least a couple times a week.
10. Tame the paper monster in the office/basement, get a filing system in place for important documents and bills.
11. Sort through clothes and shoes and get rid of torn, faded, stained, and too small stuff I don't wear anymore.
12. Do more reading for fun -- I'll give myself a goal of completing at least 2 more novels before Dec. (Don't judge, I am a ridiculously slow reader!)
13. Invite friends and family over for dinner... dessert... or even just coffee at our house so I can participate in that oh-so-fulfilling practice of hospitality.
14. Complete Christmas shopping (it'll have to be done early this year).
15. Memorize Scripture passage (was supposed to be my summer project, opps.)
16. Actually SEND the gifts I made for friends MONTHS ago.

Anything else I need to add?
Check in with me occasionally... ask me how I am doing on my BBABL if you see me. :)

About Z

2011-07-11T15:58:00.000-05:00

Last night my husband refused to run to the convenience store for ice and milk at 11:30, so I told him he obviously wasn't ready to be a father, and made a big dramatic deal about putting on my flippy-flops, and getting my keys... to haul my pregnant self to the convenience store for these essentials. Apparently that's when the guilt hit him (and not a moment too soon, if you ask me) and he said he wasn't going to let poor little pathetic pregnant (gah, alliteration) me go out alone at 11:30.
When we got home I was happily sipping my iced beverage and hopped on face book and started typing away... and Z started to freak--
Are you writing about me? What are you saying about me? Please don't write anything about me...
Poor Z. The only time I ever talk about him on my blog or on facebook is when I am making fun of him.

He really is not an idiot, nor is he a bad person, or lazy, or thoughtless, or projected to be a poor father to his as of yet unborn child. We have a good friend who always says that Z is probably the nicest, most easy-going person he's ever met, which is what makes him such a good target for giving him a hard time. You know he will just take it in stride, or laugh along with you, or whatever.
But he's right-- he gets a bad rap from my sarcasm, need for attention, and constant quest for a good story. But I need to set the record straight.

Zachary is a good guy.

I would go so far as to say a GREAT guy.

He is kind, level-headed, and patient as crap (I mean, he would have to be putting up with my antics and compulsiveness, right?)

He is a hard worker, a good friend, and a loving husband. He will listen and take criticism. He loves a good debate, will respectfully consider and discuss any topic, and has a way of graciously asserting his opinions while diffusing tension and anger in heated arguments-- but he always treats others as intellectual equals, never condescending. And while he can 'agree to disagree' on most topics he has what I can only describe as this sense of urgency and necessity to share with people the truth he knows, and to make right the wrongs he sees around him. I admire these things about him so much.

As intellectual and smarty-pants as he is... he also knows how to relax and have fun. He makes me laugh, and helps me not take things so seriously. He encourages me relax and take naps. He has greatly expanded my taste in movies. He is a perfect balance to my craziness. He takes good care of me, and our little dogs, and our little Baby P.

He will be a great daddy-- I get all misty just thinking of him with our little one. I love that picture so much already.

So I know... that I give him a hard time, and I make him sound silly, or simple, or thoughtless. But maybe it's just because he's the nicest guy I know, and that makes him an easy target?

In the future, if you ever start to think of him as anything less, you can just refer yourself back to this post to remember that he's a great guy who just happens to have a spastic wife who likes a good story. :)

SLURP

2011-07-11T14:40:00.000-05:00

Note the date...

it's 7/11

You know what that means?

FREE SLURPEES

Best day ever... am I wrong? I heart free slurpee day! :)

Get thee to a 7-Eleven, STAT!

The Best Kept Secret

2011-07-07T10:15:00.000-05:00

There are two questions people ask when they find out you are pregnant.
The first is: When are you due?
The second is: Are you finding out?

As in... finding out the gender before the baby is born?
Up until recently my answer was, Oh absolutely, yes.
My reasoning being I am a control freak. It takes time for me to wrap my brain around changes of plans, I want time to prepare for boy or girl. I want a pink nursery or a blue nursery... not a huge fan of ducks (sidenote: why are ducks internationally recognized as THE gender nuetral decor for clothes, nurseries, or any other junk you want to look baby-ish. Whats up with ducks? Not that I have anything against ducks... but there are only so many 'duck' things a kid can have, you know?). I just thought it would be better and easier for everyone to find out as soon as possible.
Also there is that other argument-- it's still a surprise if you find out 5 months pregnant, or if you find out in the delivery room, you are just choosing when you want the surprise. Z definitely wants it now. The sooner the better. He is counting the days until that sonogram when we will find out... and I was too.
But as I get closer to the day of that sonogram... I am starting to panic a little. I don't know why I am panicking. It just all of a sudden seems like such a huge deal. Trust me, I want to know. I am DYING to know. I am dying to know all kinds of things about my baby.
Just the other day I was laying in my bed yelling at the bump on my belly like I expected it to respond. "Who are you!?" I want to know so bad who this little person is. What do you look like? What is your name? Will you be laid back like your daddy, or compulsive like your mama? Will you have red hair? How long will we wait for you? What will your birthday be like? What will you feel like when I hold you in my arms? Who will you be???
I was laying there with all these, and so many more questions in my mind. But for all the questions in my head, not a single one of them was 'are you a boy or a girl?' And I just kinda think... maybe It's just not that important right now. Maybe I am more comfortable not knowing... since there are so many other unknowns right now.
Or maybe I am afraid. I mean, Z wants a boy so bad-- so does Grandpa. The Grandmas are both dying for a little girl. I have kinda felt all along like Baby P would be a boy, so I have been getting all excited about 'boy things' but if baby P is a girl, am I going to be disappointed? Is Z going to be disappointed and my dad, who wants a grandson so bad? What if Baby P is a boy and the grandmas are disappointed? I just can't handle that right now. And I know, I KNOW everyone says that they will be happy no matter what-- they have to say that-- but i just can't fathom the thought of ANYONE-- including myself-- being disappointed with Baby P right now. Becuase My little Baby P is perfect. And right now, Baby P is fulfilling everyone's expectations, and not because of a penis or a vag, but because this perfect little person is changing and will forever change all our lives. I just have this instinct to protect that as long as I possibly can.
IF we wait to find out on Baby P's birthday I truly believe that we will all be so enamored and excited and overjoyed that there won't be room for disappointment that day.
I don't know... what do you think? What did you/would you do? Am I crazy for feeling like I do?

Special Times

2011-06-30T10:26:00.001-05:00

It has to be interesting being a daddy-to-be. I mean, though it can be an unpleasant experience for preggers here, I also have the benefit of the small subtle daily changes. Feeling and knowing baby is there... and 24 hrs a day opportunity for bonding. And then there is My husband... whom I only see for an hour or so every day myself (while awake) and who has really had no first-hand bonding experience with baby. I bet that's a little weird for him... or... for any Daddy-to-be.
I guess that just makes the little moments he does have extra special.
Every morning when the alarm goes off Z rolls over to turn it off. Then he rolls back over close to me and puts his hand on my belly. Sometimes he will spend a few minutes rubbing my back or give me a little kiss on the forehead. But he usually spends a few moments resting his hand on my belly... and it's like special daddy- baby time. It's usually brief-- and then he gets out of bed and starts his day. But I kinda think those few moments every day are extra special.
After he gets out of bed I will lay there for a few moments and I smile and breathe a prayer of thanks for my husband who loves me. And for the Daddy who loves his little child. And I try to remind myself to cherish these moments... because even now it feels as though the days move by too quickly and our 'baby' is already growing and changing in so many ways, and it simultaneously breaks my heart and excites me to know that life won't be just like this forever.
And in the midst of that heart break and excitement I think... Ohhh... so this is what it feels like to be a mom.

9000 words (give or take a few)

2011-06-28T14:08:00.001-05:00

So proud! Seleceted, purchased, and assembled the travel system with no arguments, meltdowns, or marital crisis. Go Team Pogemiller!

Thoughts on summer reading...

2011-06-24T14:28:00.000-05:00

I'm reading a good book right now. The Help by Karen Stockett. It's a civil rights era fiction that takes place in Jackson, Mississippi. Good story... not quite done with it, but really enjoying it.
There is a part of the story I keep going back to. One of the characters, Aibilene has been a maid for years and years. Part of her duties include caring for the white children of the people she works for. The 'society' people that employ her have little time or patience for their children... which breaks Aibilene's heart, as she loves each of them as if they were her own. At one point in the story, a little girl asks her if she has any children, and she laughs and says-- I've had nineteen! Referring to all the white children she has raised.
One thing that really struck me in the story is Aibilene's pondering one day about the fate and lives of these children. She is scared they will grow up like their parents, to treat their children as their parents treated them-- with indifference, annoyance, and often anger. She makes a point of telling one of the little girls she is raising 'good things' every day as she rocks her to sleep. She tells her-- you are a GOOD girl. You are a KIND girl. You are a SMART girl. You are IMPORTANT. She prays every night that good things she tells the little girl will be a stronger influence on her life than the frustration and negligence of her parents.
As she is praying for the little girl she starts to wonder about other children she raised and how their lives might have been different had she spoken words of love and encouragement into their lives. If someone had told them they were good, important, smart... instead of ignoring them or beating them because they were 'different'.
I found this portion of the book so striking because I think everyone knows what it feels like to hear and believe lies... that we are wrong, or bad, or unlovable. I keep thinking about my own life and the places I have heard these lies... from people I trusted, from people I wanted to love me, from the church I grew up in.
The character in the story loves these children unconditionally, with a love that doesn't see the color of their skin, the mistakes in their past, or the faults in their belief system. She prays that even though her voice is a single voice in their lives, that the example of love and the words she speaks will be louder than the lies the rest of the world tries to tell them.
I think about my own life... and the places I go, the people I come into contact with. As I go through my daily life, am I living an example of love that tells people they are important, valuable, worthwhile? Or do my attitude and actions portray judgement, or even indifference? What if my voice were the only voice to speak love and worth into a person's life... would the person that needs to, ever hear it?
I know it is just a passing section of a fictional story, but it has been on my mind the past week, and has been a great challenge to me.
What if those broken, beaten, and discouraged around me heard words of encouragement?
What if those forgotten or deemed unlovable heard they were loved, valued?
What if just one voice rang out over the lies our ears are assaulted with daily?
What if just one person chose to live out a relentless, scandalous, unconditional love in the midst of the turmoil, injustice, and hurt so many live in...
How would lives be different?
How would my life be different if I lived and loved like that?

Baby's First... Musical Theatre Production!

2011-06-17T16:07:00.000-05:00

It's that time of year again... What? You didn't think I was going to sit this one out just because I was 4 months pregnant, did you??? Pshhhh...
Yeah, maybe you are right... maybe i should have. BUT! I didn't! Sooo... GCT's Summer Production of Cinderella will officially be Baby P's Musical Theatre debut! (Baby P will be playing the role of... um... a bump)
We are a bit less than a month away from the show, and I did not at all calculate the toll Baby P would take on my formerly quick, agile, slender figure... or my previously high energy levels... or my ability to take deep enough breaths to sustain vocal passages while simultaneously waltzing about the stage. Awesome.
So the decline in my capabilities paired with other pregnancy symptoms like nausea ("Valerie, there is a trashcan conveniently located on either side of the stage for you, should you need to puke."), weight gain (sz. 6? not so much my ball gown is a sz 13-14 to allow for 'baby room'), and increased irritability/emotional-ness (I will not cry at rehearsal because the arrogant 19 year old thinks he can count a waltz in 4... I will not cry at rehearsal... I will not cry at rehearsal) all mean this has been one of the more interesting shows I have been a part of.
Even still I am enjoying it. I am exhausted, I long for my bed, and wish I could see my husband more often, but overall I enjoy it. I just love to perform. I can't help it. Give me a stage... give me a pit, and a tune to sing, and a costume to build. All of the many ways I love to create all combined into one big fantastic end result. Even on my tired/sick/grumpy days, I am still enjoying it... there is just nothing like musical theatre.
I hope that this will be the first of many shows for Baby P, too. I mean, I guess every parent kinda hopes their kid will take up the same passions and talents they possess... but nothing like starting the brain washing early, right? As I am waltzing about the stage with my 'stage husband' I like to think Baby P is enjoying the ride, enjoying the music, or at the very least... not hating it. Maybe-- just maybe-- Baby P will catch the same bug for performing that Mama has.
Maybe. (cue tune from Annie...)

(Yup, that Annie song is going to be with you all day now. You're welcome.)

Put it in the Baby Book.

2011-06-06T10:36:00.000-05:00

My husband has this problem.
I hear it's common in males. Particularly married ones.
He says stupid stuff a lot. He doesn't think about what he is saying, he just blurts out the first thing that comes to mind.

I have this problem.
I hear it's common in females. Particularly pregnant ones.
I am over sensitive to comments made by my husband, particularly about my appearance, or changing (growing) shape or any related topics including but not limited to eating habits, clothing, etc.

Last night we were finishing up dinner. I had just consumed an impressive amount of bread, salad, red meat, shellfish, potato, and steamed veggies. Everyone else at the table had been done for quite some time... I was still going to town. The server came by to take my plate and I told him I wasn't done. Everyone was getting anxious to leave because there was a promise of a trip to the sno-cone place on the way home. I finally gave up on the last remnants of potato skins left on my plate and I was done eating. Everyone had been giggling about the amount of food I had consumed, and my husband was watching me incredulously the whole time I ate. When I finally put down my fork he laughed and said:
"Man, did you leave enough room for that thing down there?" indicating my belly as he said so.
I KNOW he did not just mock his pregnant wife for eating, AND simultaneously refer to his child as 'That thing down there.' I was immediately furious.
He immediately tried to back track and say-- thats not what he meant-- he was asking if I had room for a snow cone (that thing) when we got back to gardner (down there). Not buying it.
He called his child 'that thing down there'. I am totally putting this in the baby book, and someday when our kid is in jr.high and high school and trying to decide which one of us they like better, I am SO pulling that book out and reminding them of thier father's feelings for them.

Also, --and this goes for males worldwide, not just my husband-- don't commment on a pregant woman's eating habits. Just don't do it. For any reason, really. It's probably not going to end well for you.
That is all.

(And, Yes. I had room for a sno cone. A large one. It was delicious.)

Experience

2011-06-05T10:38:00.003-05:00

It's what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.

(saw this on a poster at Jimmy John's --of all places!-- yesterday. made me giggle. and nod in agreement.)

Hit and Run (Two stories about how I was almost a criminal)

2011-06-02T11:09:00.001-05:00

I have been involved in 2 hit and run accidents in the past year.
The first happened when my car was parked in front of our house last fall. We were asleep inside and according to a neighbor, about 11:00 pm a white van tried to pull into the spot next to us, crunched my back fender then promptly pulled back out and drove away. He tried to follow the van to get plates but wasn't successful. we found it the next morning, and I was super bummed. We were even more bummed when we contacted our insurance company and they said we only had liability on my vehicle so they wouldn't fix it-- WHAT? When we added my vehicle to the policy we thought we had full coverage-- just like our other vehicle. We were certainly paying for the full coverage, but button somewhere didn't get switched, and the insurance company wouldn't cover it. We were so frustrated. My car was drivable, definitely just some 'cosmetic' damage... but who wants to drive around with a crunched up car if they don't have to? We got the insurance thing straightened out, and counted ourselves lucky that it was not a more major accident where we discovered we only had liability...
But I was furious with this white van person who crunched my car... and then just drove off and never reappeared to accept responsibility for what they had done. Or, you know, pay for the damages they caused. Jerks. I mean it sucks when you make an expensive mistake-- but you have to suck it up and own up to it... and not force other people to have to deal with the consequences of your mistake while you run away. I mean, that's how i would act if the situation was reversed.
Soooo... then a few months later I was sitting at a red light on my way home. There was a tan-ish car in front of me, and the light turned green and I started easing off my brake. However the person in front of me didn't catch the 'Green light go' signal as fast as I did, and I tapped their bumper. Crap. It obviously was not hard enough to do damage to either car or persons involved, even still I was prepared to pull over just to check everyone out and apologize and double check... etc. The passenger in the car in front of me turned around and looked at me in horror... and then they pulled out into the intersection, hesitated, and then took off. I pulled through the intersection and off to the side of the road, wondering if they might come back? But they were long gone. How strange. But okay.
It bugged me though. I mean, no damage done that I know of, but what if something I didn't know of had happened? I didn't know what to do. I talked to my husband and debated calling the local police dept. Just to report that it had happened in case the other person decided to report it. My husband told me because they had left the scene of the accident they had forfeited their rights to a claim of any kind... or whatever. but it still bugged me. I was guilty. I was annoyed that I didn't have a chance to clear myslef of guilt. I might be a criminal now. What if down the road there was a warrant out for my arrest for a hit and run? I mean, I know I am dramatic, but I just couldn't get that thought to leave the back of my mind. I hit, they ran-- was I going to some day be held responsible for this?
Last week I got pulled over by a cop. Apparently cops don't like it when you don't turn into the closest lane. I only got a warning... but I held my breath as I handed him my license and he was running my tags. Would this be it? Would this be the day the hit and run came back to haunt me and I would go to jail and obviously I am a criminal now...
He came back and handed me my insurance and license, along with a pink written warning and told me the error of my ways, asking me to be more attentive about turns in the future and told me to enjoy the day.
... and he could have added that I could enjoy the freedom of knowing that I am not a criminal being pursued by the law. Because I truly felt a sense of relief from that stupid hit and run incident that's been hanging over my head since March. Never has someone been ~~so neurotic~~ so relieved to be pulled over by a cop.

Big Shoes, little feet.

2011-06-01T15:57:00.000-05:00

As of the last post, you know know that we are expecting a baby in December. Until the day that we meet our baby face to face, in person, in the real air for the first time... we have been calling him* Baby P. We talk about Baby P all the time, and always use that name-- Baby P. Of course in that theme it is easy to pull in all the other appropriate names, so of course Z is 'Daddy P' now and I am...
Well... I can't be 'Mama P'
Because that is my MIL's name. In fact all of Z's friends and quite a few other people call her exclusively 'Mama P'. Not Linda, not Mrs. Pogemiller. Mama P. Sooo... I was quite hesitant to start calling myself by... someone else's name. I've been avoiding it wondering if I would ever be able to call myself that-- and would the 'real' Mama P be upset if I did?
Well, the real Mama P came for a visit this weekend. And she could not be more thrilled to be a first time Grandma. So thrilled, in fact, that she has already seamlessly transitioned into her new position: Grandmama P. She called herself by it several times this weekend. And we called her Grandmama P, and she would beam. Out with the old and on to bigger and better.
Which I guess means there is a gap in the nomenclature universe waiting to be filled, and far be it from me not to fill a gap that needs filling.
So there is once again exactly one Mama P in the world... and that one is: Me. And when I look at the woman who previously bore the title, I am excited and humbled. I shall strive to be worthy of the title. To live my life and love my family with compassion, enthusiasm, optimism, and service.
Hmmm... those are big shoes to fill. (Which is funny, because we enjoy shoe shopping together because we have the same size tiny feet...)

*I say 'him' not because we know the sex of our baby-- so don't get excited because we don't know yet, and won't for a while-- but becuase I think we are just more comfortable with male pronouns around our house seeing as how we have two male dogs and all. Also, typing him/her or he/she all the time seems unnecessary. And people freak out when I call babies 'it' so I am trying not to do so with my own child-- lest you think I am an unfit, unloving mother.

The Most Amazing Sound...

2011-05-27T14:28:00.003-05:00

This morning I went to the Dr.
I've had this appointment scheduled for weeks and I have been pretty anxious about it. It was one of those situations where it was either going to be really good news, or really bad news. Probably a very small chance of bad news, but the worrier in me was obsessing over that tiny percentage. I wanted Z to come with me, but his work scheduled him even though he requested off... and I panicked wondering how i would make it through without my strong, calm husband by my side.
I asked my mom to come with me, just in case-- I didn't want to be alone.
I got there and did the normal thing--you know, answer a billion personal, prying, and embarrassing questions. Then the doctor came in, squirted goop on my tummy and pressed a little device to my abdomen. There were a few quiet, tense seconds of silence... and then! The most amazing sound in the whole world: A quick, but strong and healthy fetal heartbeat. But not any heartbeat-- the heartbeat of MY baby. The one growing inside of ME.
I beamed. And then my eyes got all misty and a tear may have slipped out. It was the most amazing thing I've ever heard... like a little train chugging away... or kinda like a washing machine... only, amazing. haha. It's beautiful and indescribable.
My fear and anxiety immediately were gone. Everyone in the room was smiling. Everything is right and perfect and our little baby is healthy and strong and doing just what he should be: growing and growing until December when we will finally get to meet Baby P for the first time.
I already love my little Baby P more than I can even stand. Being a parent is going to be such a trip. :)

Happy Anniversary

2011-05-22T10:57:00.000-05:00

You can read about The Perfect Day if you want... Part I and Part II

May 22, 2010

May 22, 2011

It's been a good year. Had it's ups and downs and moments when I was afraid my husband wouldn't make it through meal time becuase I was going to choke him if he made one more comment about me trying to poison him with vegetables on his plate... but for the most part good. At the same time, I think we have both learned a lot about ourselves and each other in this past year and we have stretched and grown because of it. We are happy. And very much in love. :)

And... right now we are hopeful and excited about the future and the wonderful things year #2 will bring to our lives... (and of course many more years after that!)

Happy Anniversary to my Hubs! Love you so much!

In Defense of 'The Bandwagon'

2011-05-18T15:23:00.000-05:00

Sometimes 'because everyone else is' turns out to be a really lousy reason to do something. But when you find yourself doing the same thing as everyone else at the same time as everyone else (lets just give you the benefit of the doubt and say you had your own plans and reasons for it--) well it turns out sometimes the bandwagon can be a comfortable and supportive place to carry those plans out...
I'm just saying... sometimes deciding NOT to march to your own beat can be helpful.
Am I making sense or just mashing too many metaphors into a confusing porridge of my own musings and vagueness?

Distractions

2011-05-11T10:42:00.000-05:00

My work is a little crazy. Crazy people who bring their crazy kids and crazy dogs to work with them.
Anyway I am a bit spacey and having trouble staying focused on my work today anyway.
And then there was just an overly dramatic dog fight, and the dogs were crying and people were yelling and trying to tear them apart and now person A is mad at person B becuase their dog A hurt dog B but person A thinks that dog A is innocent and dog B was the one that attacked. And person C is all upset becuase what if dog A or B goes after children C when they are here...
And I think that the whole issue could be resolved quite easily.
Leave your kids and dogs at home. This is an office. None of them have any place here. Let's get back to work.
Amen.

Sadness

2011-04-29T16:17:00.000-05:00

I am always surprised when adults act like children. When they lose their temper, or throw tantrums, or act selfishly with no regard to how or who it might affect around them. Sometimes adults allow themselves to go so far that they lose control of their thought processes, their reasoning, and their actions.
I am always surprised when adults don't understand that their out of control actions hurt people. And hurt relationships. And hurt careers. And hurt themselves in many ways.
I know we all occasionally get frustrated, say things we regret, hurt people without thinking... that's normal, that's human. That's not what I am talking about. To not be able to control your rage and your actions in your rage? To be so blinded by your rage that you hurt and destroy your property, relationships, or loved ones beyond repair? To lose control and start acting in a manner aimed specifically at hurting someone? I am worried about those people. I am saddened by those people.
And I am a little surprised by it whenever I see it. You are an adult. Stop acting out of childish, selfish, anger. Put in the work to learn self control and love, and let that rule your actions. Nope, it's not really a simple task, but it is is necessary. It doesn't mean that you will never feel angry again. It does mean that when you are angry you can act without destroying your property, your relationships, your loved ones, and even ultimately, yourself.
It's time to grow up.

Just another day at work.

2011-04-26T11:15:00.000-05:00

I have told you before that the people I work with are kinda crazy. I mean, I think everyone's boss and coworkers are crazy... but mine are sitcom level crazy. Sometimes I am so absolutely bewildered and frustrated trying to communicate with them all I can do is shake my head and walk away. Today is one of those days.
This is an actual conversation with my boss. On a normal day, I will have at least 4-6 conversations with similar structure and outcome. It basically boils down to this issue: My boss doesn't listen to me. When I talk he stares at me blankly then guesses what he thinks I might have said, and goes with that. Like today:

Me: Boss, I just talked to them and the ABC account is scheduled to pay on the 30th of this month.
Boss: Okay, hold on. Let me look that up.
(he proceeds to start clicking stuff on his screen for about 3 minutes. At one point I start to leave because I only came back to tell him that one thing, and he says-- no wait this what you were asking about, I almost got it. So I wait.)
Boss: Well they haven't made a payment since Feb 5th.
Me: Who hasn't pad since Feb?
Boss: XYZ account.
Me: Okay, well I just came back to tell you that ABC account will pay on the 30th.
Boss: Oh, well why did you have me look up XYZ?
Me: I didn't. I said ABC is scheduled to pay on the 30th of this month
Boss: Oh, I thought you said we received payment from XYZ last month, and I don't know why you had me look that up, because you can look it up just like I can.
Me: I didn't ask you to look up anything. I told you ABC is scheduled to pay April 30th.
Boss: Oh, April 30th. I thought you meant February. Well, sorry you got confused about that.

Um... what was that conversation even about? How many times did I say ABC account was paying on April 30th? Why was he thinking February? Is he aware there is no such thing as the 30th of February? Did he walk away from this conversation with any more knowledge than he started it with? I don't think so.
Like I said, though, I will have probably 4 or 5 more like this today.
I think my favorite part of the whole interchange is always the last part where he in some way blames me for the confusion.
Yes. I was quite unclear.
My apologies.
Oi.

2011-04-24T19:25:00.000-05:00

Oh death, where is your sting?
Oh grave, where is your victory?

Happy Easter. :)

I should...

2011-04-22T17:50:00.000-05:00

...clean my house.
After all, the renovations are finally done, the plumbers, tilers, and sheetrockers have all left. The bathroom is whole again and the kitchen is holey no longer. But the contents of my pantry are still on my kitchen table. Dishes are everywhere waiting to be washed and put away, and the immense energy required to complete this task has me exhausted just thinking about it. So I think I shall cease.

...finish my Easter projects.
Remember that dress? Yeah, I got mad about the fit and tore the bodice apart and haven't made time to put it back together yet. (I almost said haven't HAD time, but the truth is I have the time if i choose to.) Also I am making some Easter accessories for a friend and we are getting down to the wire and I cannot for the life of me make a hairbow I am content with. They all look too... something. Anyway. I need to get those done and delivered, like, now.

...do some laundry.
Let's not lie when it's just us: We all wear our jeans four or five times without washing them as long as we don't spill something gross on them and they don't smell, right? I can smell the jeans I have on. They smell like dirt, and the 1400 dogs I have rubbing against my legs every day. Gross. I have been grossed out by it all day. (I didn't realize I smelled gross til i was in the car on the way to work. I shower. Really.) Apparently not grossed out enough to take them off and wash them because I am lounging and blogging and not doing laundry.

...walk the dogs.
Or do something active. But I SO enjoy veg time after work. I know you think my job is not strenuous, why do I need veg time? Your job is strenuous and then you have to come home and be a full time parent and you don't get veg time. And it's not fair. So why do I need veg time? Let me tell you a secret of the universe that you must embrace and internalize and understand or you will live a sad frustrated existence: (are you ready? Here it is: ) Life isn't fair.
Ohhhhhhh... so do you understand now?

....say something profound about the day.
It's Good Friday. It's almost Easter. I have been bouncing off the padded walls for weeks in my excitement for this weekend. I have worked myself into a feverish craze of business and preparation and excitement and I am exhausted now. I am still exhausted. But i feel like i should say something in regard to the significance of this day... and I don't know what to say. Other than this: (that i just thought of) Today's exhaustion, frustration, confusion, pain, heartache, suffering, evil and death... is not the end. Today is not the end of the story.
And that's all.

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

2011-04-18T16:28:00.000-05:00

Z got the job.
Well, unofficially right now.
I say unofficially because they told him he has the job, but they haven't given him the offer letter yet. But he did have to go in to pee in a cup for a drug test. But he doesn't know when his official start date is for the the new job and more hours and more pay. But he did for sure get the job.
Which is awesome.
Just really awesome.
Awesome timing.
Too awesome to be coincidence only.
Thank you to everyone who has been praying for us over the past month (or months) about this job. This means good things for our family. We feel blessed.

Other good news in the Job front: Our friend Donnie was offered a position with TFA last week. Z's dad found out that his teaching position is secure for next year. My BFF Becca was offered a shiny new position at a new company after being laid of over a month ago!
Good news for all our friends and family in job limbo. God is taking care of us. We are blessed.

Bigger and Better

2011-04-14T09:04:00.000-05:00

On Monday my Brother in law was taking a shower upstairs and I was in the basement sewing. Once out of the shower he came down to the kitchen and called me up there to take a look at a 'leak' there was shower water running down the walls of the kitchen. Awesome.
We have a burst/broken pipe of some sort. So we cleaned up the water and the maintenance guy comes over to check out the situation (it is nearly impossible to get a maintenance guy at your townhome where we live... so it was amazing when he showed up within 10 minutes!) He look one look at the tub and said-- well, there's a rotted hole in the side of your tub, it needs to be replaced. Yes, well, you knew about the hole-- i told them about it when i moved in, they said we weren't getting a new tub, deal with it. Whatever, the hole is near the top of the tub though, and not the cause for gallons and gallons of water in my kitchen, in my opinion, but they say the tub needs to go... so the tub is going.
And while he was there... we have this sink that we have been trying to get someone out there to look at for about a month. It doesn't drain. Like at all. We've tried chemicals and snakes and everything, won't budge. The guy says, yeah... I can fix that in the morning when I come back to tear out the tub.
We won't have a shower for a few days. I reminded the guy that this is our only bathroom in the house and our only shower... and we really enjoy showering regularly. Ugh. But we can deal, showering at my parents. Even still...
This is a BIG mess.
The guy comes back the next day to try to unplug our sink, no luck. They try to use a big high pressure something or other to blow out the lines... and blow out the seals instead. whatever is clogging the sink is stuck GOOD, and now that they have blown all the seals (and blown smelly, chemical, crusty water all over the room) they are going to have to tear out and replace the entire vanity and sink.
Oh, and also because our bathroom is completely tiled, they would have to tear all the tile out and re-tile the whole room.
They never got to the tub that day... so a few more days without a shower and...
The mess gets BIGGER.
We clean every item out of the bathroom. The shower curtain, the towels, the shelf, and every last hair product, cotton swab, and bobby pin. Empty bathrooms are loud, by the way. They come the next day to remove the vanity... only they can't remove it, so they break it in half to rip it off the wall. Awesome, right? Once the vanity is out they try again to clear whatever it is clogging the sink up... no luck. And the 60 yr old pipes are crumbling as they try to proceed. Okay, maintenance man decides they are just going to have to replace all the plumbing. ALL of it. They didn't get around to tearing out the tub again (which if you are adding like I am you are realizing that 'shower in my own house date' is just getting pushed further and further back...) I asked Z if he stressed that this is our only bathroom and we really enjoy showering. He said he did, but... ???
And now we need to clean out our pantry, and all our kitchen cabinets along that wall in the main level below the bathroom... as well as the spare bedroom next to the bathroom (where we had been storing all the bathroom stuff we removed from that room. When removing our dishes last night, we found many of them wet or holding dirty mildewy water from the leak on Monday. I didn't realize water had made it into the cabinets, but once empty, you could definitely see water damage, and lots of it in the cabinets in the kitchen. I am just praying... PRAYING that they don't have to tear out cabinets and the kitchen as well. But... after this thing is over we have to wash EVERY SINGLE DISH IN OUR KITCHEN.
This thing just keeps getting bigger and BIGGER.
Last night during the kitchen emptying experience I about lost it. This thing feels impossible. It's frustrating and it keeps getting worse every day. We have such a small house that every room seems to be affected by it. I can't keep living with every room in my home torn up and in disarray. I am overwhelmed and losing it.
My husband (sensitive to the subtle nuances of my emotions as he is...) realized I was at a breaking point when I snapped at him and then collapsed on the couch sobbing about my ruined kitchen. He tried to reassure me that when it all was finished we would have pretty much a completely remodeled bathroom and maybe a kitchen. And at someone else's expense. One of the pros of renting is things like this are someone else's financial responsibility. The major con is they work on their schedule. But Z assured me that it will all be taken care of, and when it is... Everything will be BETTER.
So it will be at least the weekend before we have a bathroom again. And maybe a kitchen. I am considering moving in with my parents for a few days so I am not there to witness the further heartbreaking destruction of my home... You know, that and I really enjoy showering. By next week our house should be back and then we are going to have a massive dish washing party (ugh, remember how much I loathe dishes???) that you are welcome to attend should you feel so inclined. By then things should be better.
Right now, I just hope the mess doesn't get any BIGGER before it gets BETTER.

Observations: General and Personal

2011-04-13T14:38:00.000-05:00

People with small children cancel on social obligations frequently due to sick children.
If/when I have children someday... I am going to have a hard time adjusting to someone/something else dictating my schedule that much.

Those neighbors...

2011-04-12T14:22:00.000-05:00

We live in a town house. So we are physically very close to our neighbors. We share walls on both sides. We share fences for our tiny patios. We share airspace, and light, and sound.
I moved into our current residence a little over a year and a half ago. Winston moved in with me. The following May the household expanded to four of us, Myself, my husband, and our two dogs, Winston and Charlie. The four of us live cozily in our little town house.
We don't really know our neighbors. When we first moved in we introduced ourselves to the neighbors on one side. Hi... We just moved in here, we're your new neighbors! And the response was a blank stare and a-- "...and so what?" Okay then. No one seemed to be interested in being neighborly. We know the names of the people a couple houses down, we'll smile and wave if we both happen to be walking to the car at the same time, and Z works with a guy who lives around the block, but that's about it.
Zachary came home from work the other day and there was a lady he didn't recognize lurking around our front door. He walked in the front door and she watched him and went next door and was knocking on our neighbors door. He got a really uncomfortable feeling about her, so a few minutes later when we heard knocking on our front door we opted not to answer. I was home, and there had been knocking on the door that morning, but as a rule, when I am home alone and not expecting anyone, I don't answer the door. (You call it paranoid-- I call it no rapists in my house)
Anyway, we didn't put much thought to it, but later that evening when we returned from errands we received a rather strongly worded letter from one of our neighbors complaining about our dogs barking too much.
Initially we were like-- uh, yeah, our dogs do bark a lot. We didn't realize it was a problem, but we'll more closely monitor the situation, our neighbors have a right to peace and quiet, and there are a lot of dogs in the neighborhood that yip all day long-- it probably gets annoying if you are not a dog person.
But the letter went on to say that she had talked with all the neighbors on our block and all of our neighbors were very upset with us about the loud constant barking coming from our house and that we had done nothing to stop it.
As previously mentioned... we have lived in the house 1.5 years. We have made attempts in that time to create relationships with our neighbors, who never seemed interested in talking to us. Regardless, this is the FIRST TIME we have heard any complaint from any of our neighbors about our dogs. So the statement that all of our neighbors are very upset with us seems really strange. After a few days of observation Zachary determined that the author of the letter (who included her address) is the same lady who was lurking about our house that day when he got home... In our opinion, when you have an issue with the neighbors dog-- step one is you have a neighborly conversation (maybe when you happen to walk by them as the are getting home???) and say-- hey would you try to keep the barking to a minimum in the evenings? (to which we would have said-- hey, we're sorry, we'll definitely do that) But talking to all the neighbors and writing a snarky letter telling us everyone is upset with us? That seemed a little out of place to us. Especially given the number of dogs in the neighborhood... I am not denying our dogs bark, but surely we are not the only dogs in the neighborhood that bark, right?
Anyhow, we have been closely monitoring the dogs, especially in the yard for the past few days and they have done very little barking, but the barking that has occurred has been quickly stopped. We would have corrected the situation much sooner, had we known it was an issue for those around us. They have been really good boys. We are so proud...
Then yesterday I was in the backyard with the boys and I notice something on the fence. It was a small white electronic device similar in size to a remote. It was attached to our side of the fence so I went over to check it out... It had an on/off switch and a low/high switch on one side. A very small hole that looked like a speaker or a nozzle or some kind and it said "STOPBARK" across the front. It was turned on high. Well, that's interesting because I know we didn't put that there, it appears our neighbors surreptitiously installed this device on our side of the fence. I think it's one of those things that emits a high frequency sound that dongs don't like... or maybe it spews radiation or toxic waste in our yard. I don't really know for sure. But I find it interesting that rather than being a good neighbor and saying "Hey, we have an issue with your dogs barking, so you think you could address that issue?" They chose a much more passive aggressive (and expensive for them) route of installing an electronic device they believed would quiet our dogs.
Let me re-iterate. NO ONE HAS EVER BEFORE COMPLAINED OR CONTACTED US IN ANYWAY REGARDING THE NOISE OUR DOGS MAKE. Also, to my knowledge none of the other dog owners in the neighborhood have received complaints or requests to quiet their dogs...
So I guess the actions of our neighbors seem really odd and not at all 'neighborly' to me. At the very least, writing a snarky letter or sneakily installing devices on your neighbor's fence doesn't seem like the first or most effective step one might take in trying to resolve such an issue.
But that's just me.
Is it just me though? Do I have an unrealistic expectation of courtesy and neighborly-ness???

randomsss...

2011-04-08T14:59:00.001-05:00

I heart sonic ice. Those little crumbly ice pellets are amazing for crunching.
I like getting sonic when Z is not around so I can crunch amazing crumbly ice pellets without his eye of judgement upon me.

Waiting game today. Z filled out all the stuff. Has gotten some positive feedback... but now we just wait to see if they offer him the job. Obviously, we believe he is the best candidate for the job. If you are reading this, please say a quick prayer that the sr. managers also believe him to be the best candidate for the job! ;) we are hopeful that he could receive the offer as early as this evening.

Remember how i love tracking packages? I've been tracking my easter shoes and they arrived today ahead of schedule. Yay. I can't wait to try them on with my dress...
Oh, the dress. I am dying to finish it! It just seems like sewing goes a lot slower than i usually intend for it to... but i think tonight will be the night. It's a friday so i can stay up til the break of dawn.
Also I may have ordered a vintage buckle for the dress today. It's pink. Like my shoes.
Actually my shoes are 'blush'.
Yeah. They are that uptight.
I have a friend who is a photographer I asked to do a 'fashion shoot' for me once it is complete. We might do an exchange of goods and services... I want a photographer and she wants easter accesories for her family... hmmm...
I might make a pillbox hat with russian netting to style it for the fashion shoot.
Might.
I think I will at least make a lovely easter bouquet of pink tulips.
Ahem.
Blush tulips.

Are you excited for Easter?!?!?! Easter is my favorite thing all year, I think. Rightfully so. I have been enjoying the Lenten season. Is one supposed to enjoy Lent? What with the preparation and self-denial? Or whatever. I have been enjoying it. Lent brought about some intentional and positive changes in my life. Cool. EASTER is coming!!! Best day of the year! Are you ready?

Z took me out for icecream last night. Icecream at HIS suggestion! Can you even believe it? He loves me so much. I love ice cream so much.
I also love Z so much.
I really hope he gets this job.

Something good.

2011-04-07T10:35:00.000-05:00

I had a professor in college who started every class with "Two people tell me something good." And we would raise our hands and people would share everything from, "The sun is shining" and "I got a 15 minute power nap right before lunch" to "I got a new job" and "I'm engaged!" There was no stipulation about how significant the 'good thing' had to be, he just asked us to share something good. He always started class this way, and used it during transition times as well.
As an education major, I easily recognized this as a very effective form or classroom management. And the first thing I did during my student teaching each class was ask my students to share 'something good'. The first couple times, they looked at me like I was an idiot. So did my cooperating teacher. But after a few times, they got used to hearing it, and started to respond. Particularly my Jr.High students loved the 30 seconds they got to share about themselves. They started looking forward to those times when I would say, "While you are getting out your book two more people share something good with the class..." I was always surprised at how intently they would listen to each other and how excited they were to share.
I also always loved that it gave me an opportunity to adjust my brain before starting class. I mean, college and student teaching was not necessarily a pretty time in my life. I was stressed, I was sick, I was dealing with some intense emotional drama... but starting a class by adjusting my thoughts to something good-- no matter how insignificant-- was an intentional and effective exercise that got me through the bad days, and allowed me to change the focus of my energy.
I haven't actually thought about this in a long time. I don't exactly know what brought it up today, other than I feel simultaneously anxious and exhausted, and I don't want to feel like this all the time. I suddenly remembered my professor's trademark, and I want that reminder to be a part of my life again.
Here are two good things I started my day with:

Yesterday they cut the grass outside my office window for the first time this spring. After it's manicure the grass looks exceptionally green and lush, and I enjoy the color when I look up from my work.

When people affirm my husband, I feel as though I have been affirmed as well. (is that weird?) While waiting for this job situation to work out he has been talking with his managers a lot, who have given him very kind compliments and thanked him for his work ethic. I am so proud of him.

Moving on...

2011-04-04T10:53:00.000-05:00

Have you ever been stuck in the waiting game...? Like there is something just... just within your reach but you are waiting for this to begin, or that to end. Or this person to make a decision, and that situation to resolve. Just one more week, and we'll know. Okay, just a few more days and we'll know for sure. Okay, these results are not clear, wait another week, and we'll try again. Give us more time, and we'll make a definite decision...
I feel like I am always a week away from greatness. A week away from knowledge. A week away from that next step. A week away from security. Why do these weeks never end? Why am I always just a week away, by the end of next week?
I've been waiting 'a week' for the answer for the past couple months. I am over the waiting game. I can't keep holding my breath (I might pass out...). How does one exist in a constant state of anticipation, and still live their life? I don't want to miss out on what's happening now in anticipation for what will happen next... but how do I become comfortable and content living in the present when so much is waiting to be determined?
Yikes.

Cookin'

2011-04-01T09:24:00.000-05:00

I read an article a couple weeks ago in a reputable magazine (okay, it was Rachel Ray) about couples in the kitchen. It said couples that cook and prepare meals together are something like 80% more likely to view their relationship in a positive manner and rate their relationship highly or something. (you can tell i paid close attention) I am not really sure how those statistics work, or how they were derived. But I did get this from it: Cooking together is good for your relationship. I read the article to Z at the time, and he just rolled his eyes.
But the more i think about it, the more i agree with it. I think it could be very productive for us in several ways.
First, Z is picky. We don't skirt the issue anymore, we just call it like it is. He is a pain in the butt to feed. However, he tends to do better if he sees something being prepared. He likes to know EVERYTHING that goes in a dish, so there are no surprises and he is fully informed of problem areas. I have tried to hide veggies and whatnot a la Jessica Seinfeld, but he demands to know everything in a dish before he eats it, and will not even try the offending dish if it has green stuff lurking about. So you can see how having him in the kitchen as the meal is being prepared would be beneficial. Less recipe monologue and debate across the table about whether or not a meal is 'Zacahry Kosher' would be awesome.
Second... we have limited time together. It is sad but true. Our work schedules are pretty much opposite so the precious hour or two we have together each day I want to make the most of. It's frustrating to me to be stuck in the kitchen by myself making food when I could be spending that time with my husband. If Z were there working with me, we would not only have that time to spend together but food prep itself would go faster, allowing us more 'free time' together.
And last... we need to hone our skills. Z doesn't have much experience in the kitchen. But I do. I love to cook. I love teaching people new things. At some point in his life Z might need to know how to make more than Lipton Sides Microwaveable Rice Packets. He has already learned the fine art of grilled cheese, and boiling pasta. It can only be beneficial to him to gain more skill and expand his cooking horizons. It's fun for me to teach him new things...
And I really like working side by side with my husband. It makes me feel really good. And supported and valued. And happy.
Last night Z made us dinner. Okay... he dumped the frozen contents of a bag in a dish and threw it in the oven while I made garlic knots (that i burned, HA!) but it was pretty good. Not only did I enjoy not being solely responsible for the meal, but I enjoyed the time with my husband. Also he was extra loving last night... and I am not sure if that was a product of the situation or just a coincidence, but either way I call it a win.
I don't really have him entirely convinced of the cooking together thing... but I'll keep working on it. I want to be one of those 80% couples from the RR magazine. Or something.

Marriage Control

2011-03-31T16:30:00.000-05:00

You know how parents will jokingly offer to loan out their children to childless couples as an effective form of birth control? I would be willing to offer similar services with my husband to unmarried couples. I will happily turn him over to you for the month and you can get a taste of what it's like to be married. Someone else can make all his meals only to have him whine and turn up his nose (and sometimes throw your food in the trash), someone else can clean up after him (dishes, laundry, and good luck introducing him to a trashcan), you also get to experience trying to sleep becuase you have to work in the morning while he is running around the house until 2 or 3 AM with lights on, AND you'll get the added bonus of dealing with his financial trainwrecks (and maybe not get to pay rent that month because he screwed up-- but promises it will never happen again! :) yay.)
It really seems like it would be a win-win. Unmarried couple gets to make an informed decision about what marriage is really like and if they want to go through with it after all-- and I get break from, well, all the lovliness listed above. I think this could be a very effective system.

Couple Creepers

2011-03-28T15:03:00.000-05:00

Well, we have officially become that couple.
Newly and happily married but severely lacking in the 'couple friends' area? All of our friends are either single or have a kid or two in tow. And it's not that we are anti-kid, kids just make things more difficult. (I mean-- not your kid. Your kid is of course perfect and angelic and never difficult, just other people's kids. That's what I meant. Your kid is fine, I'm sure.) Soooo... we are kinda in need of couples to socialize with.
Because we acknowledge the importance and benefits of social interaction with our peers. And (lets not lie when it's just us) sometimes we get sick of hanging out with just each other all the time.
So we are constantly on the lookout for new couples we could be friends with. I wouldn't go so far as to say we have been 'shopping' for couples... but I won't deny that once or twice I have struck up a conversation with attractive strangers just to see if they might me a good 'fit' for us. I also may have been so overzealous about meeting new neighbors that our current neighbor is terrified to make eye contact.
I know.
This Sunday we attended a church and met some new people. I don't even have to tell you that my eyes were sparkling at this golden opportunity to find new couples we could befriend. Z was pumped up too. We discussed previously how important this could be. We were on our A game. I wore my power heels and Z even shaved. We're a happy, attractive young couple on a mission.
And... while it's too soon to tell for sure how successful we were, we feel optimistic and spent the afternoon discussing the prospects and trying to decide how we could woo them into a mutually beneficial 'couple friendship'. And before you think that we are complete creepers forcing our unwelcome advances on unsuspecting nice people... let me inform you that we did have at least one couple approach us. Yup thats right.
But don't you see? In all our enthusiasm for friendship-- not at all an indecent pursuit-- we have become that couple. We are couple creepers. And we don't actually MEAN to be creepers about it. We just really want friends. And maybe occasionally we get a little intense about it-- but I swear we are actually really nice, decent people. I mean, Z does talk about FedEx and dogs too often, and I can be a bit of an overzealous foodie... but for the most part we are really actually mostly normal and not at all creepy once you get to know us.
Really.

Puppy Rescue and Soapbox

2011-03-17T14:02:00.001-05:00

Soooo...
I have this problem.
When i am driving in my car and I see a dog running around with an owner no where to be found... I have to stop. I can't keep driving down the road and hope the puppy finds it's way home because my over active imagination tells me next time I drive down that road I will see splattered puppy on that road... and I am just definitely not okay with that on my conscience.
Which is why I have spent countless lunch hours chasing after dogs, making awkward phonecalls and returning dogs safely to their family. Miraculously, every time the dog's owner has been home. I have a 100% success rate! Yay.

Today's rescue was fairly uneventful. A fluffy white thing darted in front of my car on a residential street when I was on my way home for lunch. And then he turned around and came trotting over to my car to have a closer look... So I stopped the car, put it in park and open my door to get out... and the fluffy white thing invited himself into my car and hopped right up on my lap like i was his best friend and we do this on a daily basis.
Well, hello. Don't you know about stranger danger?
Anywho, checked the collar and SKITTLES' tag has a number, and I call and take SKITTLES about 4 houses down to his home. I am glad he is safe with his family.

This was nothing like the last time I did a lunchtime rescue...
I saw a red and white cavy running down the middle of a busy road... and so I pull over, hop out, and try to get her, before she gets hurt. She sees me coming for her... and Oh boy! It's a game! So I am chasing a dog I don't know down the middle of a busy street and cars are stopping and honking at me in frustration.
Ah, the glamorous world of pet rescue.
Anyway... she finally came wiggling over to me and I scooped her up and got the number off her collar, and called her 'mom' who was overjoyed that someone had returned their baby. She offered me money as a reward. I laughed and refused, and she was shocked. I just said-- You would do the same for me if you found my dog out, right? And she agreed she would.

Anyway... There is an important moral to this story and here it is:
Keep collars and tags with current information on your pets at all times. You don't know when or how your pet might slip out, and if there are no tags there is little chance of them finding their way safely home. On the occasion that I find a pet without tags... I have to call animal control. Best case scenario-- you are charged a fine to retrieve your pet from animal control. Worst-- your pet is injured or killed, or you just don't find it before animal control turns it over to a shelter.
I don't care if your pet is micro-chipped. I don't have a micro-chip scanner. I have to turn your dog over to animal control. I don't care if your pet is a diva and the collar matts her silky hair. Keep a collar and tags on her. PLEASE. It really is for their safety.

And also, if you have a pet that you love, or even if you don't--
Be the kind of person that will stop and make sure someone's pet is safely returned to their family before driving away. I mean, don't you hope someone would do it for you?

Aeroplane

2011-03-15T16:11:00.000-05:00

I sometimes get really bored at work. I am here mostly alone quite a bit in the afternoons, and I find myself doing weird stuff....
Like today when I may or may not have pretended to be an airplane (arms spread and sound affects) as I was running down the stairs to my office.
I got to the bottom of the steps and thought to myself-- where the heck did THAT come from?!?! I adjusted my sweater and walked calmly to my desk.
Holy crap, I'm bored.

Our Break

2011-03-15T12:07:00.001-05:00

We have this problem.
We have more money going out than we have coming in. And while we can manage that in emergency situations for a month or two... It's not a good way to sustain a family for an indefinite period of time.
My dad is somewhat of a financial counselor... and if he had a catch phrase, it would be this, "If you find you do not have enough money you have two choices: You need to either make more, or spend less." Pretty simple concept. So we went through our budget and slashed all the 'extras' in an attempt to spend less, and when we got to the things we could not or were not willing to slash (rent/utilities/tithe/food/student loans) we decided we needed to go the other route and make more.
Zachary has been looking for a second job since January, with absolutley no success. I have started looking for a second job as well, but I am nervous about taking on a second job myself and what that might mean for the future of our family (basically I desire to preserve the limited time we actually have together on weekends). But we have both been searching... to no avail.
Ideally it would be wonderful if Z could pick up a full time job at his current employer, but thats a waiting game because it could be tomorrow or 4 years from now before something opens up. SO FRUSTRATING! and two and a half months of searching for work and nothing... devastating and discouraging.

So Z called me on his way home from work last night. I was hanging out at 'girls night' and so I was like-- eh, i'll talk to you when i get home and he says-- I have something to tell you. A full time position was posted at my station today.
OMG.
He put in a bid for the job and it will be probably several weeks before we hear something... but if he did get this job it would (obviously) be more hours, and also more pay. It would be a challenging position for him with an inconsistant schedule, but even still would allow us more time together. It would be an answer to prayer, and it would be (and I know ya'll mock me for my over-use of this phrase, but it is used quite literally here) life changing.
My heart was pounding in my chest. We have been praying and praying, and fretting, and searching for an answer to our situation-- and felt like there was nothing-- no hope. I have asked Z on many occasions, "Why is this so hard? Why are things so complicated for us? We are good people, and smart people-- why can't we get a break?" And I know that you don't get everything you want on a silver platter just because you are a 'good person'. But does anyone else feel like all the bums and slackers get the lucky breaks in this world? Why can't good people catch a break?
I told Z last night-- maybe this is our break. I don't want to be so hopeful becuase a lot of things have to come in line before this could happen. But maybe this whole ordeal we've been struggling with has not been just a coincidence. And maybe our prayers have been heard and our God (who admittedly is a much better planner and arranger than control freak ME) is just starting to show us the corner of the unfolding plan he has for our life. Maybe he does have a 'break' for us.
Not just because we are mostly good people... but because he loves us even when we are not.
I think the title of this post should probably be "Hope" because I am just tasting hope for the first time in such a long while. Whatever the outcome of this current situation I am feeling good about our future. Good things are happening in our life. God things. Good God things.
And now I am rambling.

huh

2011-03-11T15:24:00.001-06:00

So I haven't blogged in a couple weeks. I keep thinking I should, and then I think that I don't have anything of significance to say (or of even less significance than normal... ha!) so I just don't. Because why waste you time, right?
I gotta be honest my life is a little ho-hum right now. So I will tell you about not so ho-hum things happening in the lives of people I know.
My best friend of 25.5 yrs had a baby girl on Monday. Her first. It's weird. She's a mom now, which means she's old. Her child has squishy fat cheeks, which I love. I prefer fat babies. Rubber band wrists are my favorite. You know what I am talking about? When the arm and hands are so pudgy there is just a crease where the wrist should be-- kinda like if you had put a rubber band around it? I love that. However, it's only endearing until you are about 3.
My parents and my boss are in Israel (not together) this week. Random that they would be taking the same trip at the same time but not together. Anyway, my Dad called me from Tel Aviv this morning to tell me they got there safely. I think he did that because even though I am 25 yrs old and don't live with them, they always expect me to call them to tell them when i have arrived somewhere like I did when I was in HS. They are very frustrated that i don't instinctually do this. So anyway, he called me to tell me they were in Tel Aviv and made it there safely. Um, okay, thanks.
My BF who lives in IL lost her job last week. Not good news, I know. But I am trying to convince her of all the job opportunities here is exciting Kansas City! She's not buying it, but it was worth a try. If I could convince her to live closer to me that would be fantastic as I need more childless friends. (why do so many people have kids?!?! it's weird.)
Also, this same friend has recently gone gluten free, and apparently it's been a life-changing experience for her-- in many ways. And she has not convinced me to go gluten free yet (could you imagine me GF? And Z? He might just perish), but it has pushed me to look at some healthier food options. Or at least think about the things I am cramming in my face...
And not to make light of a natural disaster, because I am certain the disaster in Japan is on everyone's mind right now, but I did just have a co-worker come in and report to me (in complete seriousness) what people don't understand about this disaster is that Japan is an island, and there wasn't really a tsunami, what really happened was '...the whole island of Japan sunk." Um, okay. I think some of that information may possibly be flawed, and given the sensationalist quality of it i wondered if he had heard it from Katie Horner. heh.
Even if the island did not sink to the bottom of the ocean as my uninformed co-worker suggested, the devastation in Japan is real and lives have been lost, which is a true tragedy. It makes me think of how fleeting and chaotic life can be. We are not guaranteed tomorrow-- or our next breath.
On Ash Wednesday, just a couple days ago, Z and I were talking about that... and how so many things in this life are fleeting and not worth the energy we put in them, they do not last. Instead we are using this Lenten season to turn our thoughts and energy toward things that do matter, things that are eternal.
hmmm...
Regardless, I pray daily for the safety and well being of my family and friends. And today I am also praying for all the people affected by this tragedy.

More Tidbits...

2011-02-24T12:17:00.000-06:00

...becuase I'm too lazy to compose an entire cohesive thought today.

My hair is kinda big today.
Kinda was being nice.
My hair is big and frizzy and puffy today.
Since when does MY hair frizz or puff?
I am baffled.

Looking through a friend's newborn pictures I decided that newborns are not particularly attractive beings. They are all purple and wrinkly. They look like California Raisins! And they are usually screaming. I have been told, when they child is your own you feel differently about it-- but i'm not sure. I tend to call 'em like I see 'em. If it comes out wrinkly and purple and screaming I will just make my peace with having a California Raisin -- and encourage it to grow out of that stage quickly -- for it's own benefit, of course. My children will be scarred from an early age. I probably shouldn't pro-create.

A friend pointed out to me the pleasure of listening to the sleety-ice stuff crunch under your shoes as you are forced to walk through it. I do enjoy things that go crunch. Good call.

I went for a run yesterday. It was actually a lovely experience. It felt good. Though I am a tad embarrassed to admit it was the first run of the year for me. And then a voice of wisdom informed me that a fiscal running year would make my stats look a lot better. So my fiscal running year started yesterday and i started out strong with a run on the first day, and thus far I have run every day. I know you are impressed by my commitment to the sport and to my own personal health and well-being. Go team.

I made a bow tie for a friend's child the other day. He turned 2 and a striped bow tie seemed an appropriate gift for the occasion. He wore it the next day and it made me giggle quite a bit. Am I the only person who gets a kick out of adult accessories on children? I want to make more and give them to everyone I know. I want to bring the bow-tie back hardcore. Who's with me?

I had a dream last night that i went on vacation to the beach with my husband and the ocean caved in and our beach vacation was almost ruined, until we booked a Pirates of the Caribbean Cruise with my Grandma... but we almost didn't make it on time because we had to go back and get my camera, and all the plumbing was blowing up in our condo and because I am a professional plumber (don'tchaknow) I felt inclined to fix it all and then we missed the bus but we got to the dock at exactly 7:03 pm when the cruise was leaving and waltzed into the dining room just in time for dinner with Grandma and a pirate or two.
True story.

Confession

2011-02-17T12:11:00.000-06:00

I find tracking packages online unreasonably entertaining.
When I get an email that says "Your package has been shipped!" you better believe I meediately click through that link, even though I know it will be several hours before any tracking information is posted on it. I will check it several times a day sometimes. It's in Arizona! Now it's in Oklahoma! Now it's in Kansas! Now it's out for delivery! YAY! And I know when I get home from work there will be a package on my doorstep. The whole process is so utterly entertaining and fulfilling for me, i just love it. I must admit, during the holidays I do most of my shopping online for this very reason. It's a rush. I love it.
I can't wait to get home this afternoon. I will have a box full or jewelry waiting on my doorstep.
Yay! Just like Christmas-- only in February.

A Good Day.

2011-02-10T14:46:00.000-06:00

I have this friend who is a Pollyanna. You know what a Pollyanna is, right? She is lovely, and happy and charming and a joy to be around. And she never has a bad day. Anytime there is a bad situation she can find the silver lining. Anytime there is negativity or awkwardness she can diffuse it quickly and easier than anyone I have ever met. She can (and does) befriend anyone. She loves people that most of us wouldn't give the time of day to. Her outlook on life and her commitment to being joyful in all situations are...
Challenging to be around.
I know, I just said she is a joy to be around. And I meant it. But every time I am with her I am challenged by her optimism. And I am jealous that every day she has is a good day.
I am the kind of person that can easily fall into gloom and doom mindset. Not that my life is really that terrible, but frustrating things happen, I am easily overwhelmed, and it's so much easier to give into the self-pity and despair than it is to... be a Pollyanna. Every time I am with my friend, I desire to be more like her. And I realize most days, it's a series of simple choices to make.
Work has been crazy stressful this week, and I have been extra tired, and not feeling 100%. On a normal week, this would be a great excuse for a 'bad day' and a little self pity. But I am tired of pitifully bad days... so I decided each morning this week that "Today is a good day". I literally said it out loud. (and to be honest I felt like a goober when I did) But... I think there is something powerful about vocalizing affirmations. Each time a stressful situation presented itself, I approached it as a challenge and literally visualized myself pouring energy (my energy apparently looks like sparkly red kool-aid) from a bucket labeled stress to a bucket labeled challenge. (again, I feel like a goober sharing this... but I just needed something visual/tangible to make a switch in my brain). So now that I am putting my energy toward completing a challenge rather than toward being stressed about it... I am much calmer and optimistic about the outcome.
Also, I am more productive. And a kinder, gentler, Valerie. I have more patience and understanding for the crazy people I work with and the crazy person I live with. :)
Since Monday I have had 3 really good days.
This morning I was really feeling drained. My body is sore and my nose is running and my stomach feels squeezy. I knew unexciting and tedious tasks awaited me at work. I was moping about as I got ready and ate breakfast this morning. Before I walked out the door, Z looked at me and said, "Today is going to be another good day!"
Ahh... I had almost forgotten. Today IS going to be a good day. And I have nearly tackled half of it with good decisions and I am feeling a little better and a little energized. Which is awesome, because I have a date with my Hubs tonight as the shiny red cherry on top of the good day I am having at work.
See I am on my way to some Pollyanna-ness myself.

Tidbits

2011-02-07T14:54:00.000-06:00

I'm okay with people who pick out and share the name for their baby before the child is born. It DOES kind of wig me out when parents routinely refer to their unborn child by name. It's just a little weird. Had a whole conversation with a woman and couldn't for the life of me figure out who 'Steven' was. After the fact, I realized 'Steven' was the child she would give birth to in four months. It was weird.

We went to see The Kings Speech the other night. It's rated R. On the way into the theatre, the ticket taker pointed to me and asked Z "Is she over 17?" to which he replied, "Well, I hope so, she's my wife!"
I also got carded to buy spray paint the other day. I guess I'll appreciate it when I am older I guess... but when I am 25 and getting banned from rated R movies... it's a little lame.

I have to go to the doctor today, and I'm not really excited about it. Z says if I am good I get to celebrate by buying jewelry tonight. I guess that's the adult equivalent of the 'sticker box'.

Z and I played scrabble the other day. We each expanded our vocabulary through the process. I didn't know what a wadi was and he didn't know what a wino was. I decided to just let him look it up in the dictionary rather than start naming names.

People need to stop confiding in me. I am a TERRIBLE secret keeper. Seriously, have you met me? If I have a secret it's written all over my face. Within 24 hours I am in physical pain trying not to blab.
Christmas and birthdays make me a total train wreck of anxiety over blabbing. I think I accidentally told all my family members what their gifts were last December. If I have a secret i have to tell someone about it-- After i tell one person the brain splitting secret-keeping anxiety subsides some. Z is the most likely candidate, but he doesn't play along well. We have conversations that go like this:
Me: I have a secret!
Z: Good
Me: Do you want to know what it is?
Z: No, then it won't be a secret.
Me: But don't you want to be a part of the secret?
Z: No, if it's a secret, I'd prefer you not tell me.
Me: But don't you want to know what it is?
Z: No, if it's a secret I don't need to.
Me: But but don't you want--
Z: I want you to stop talking to me about the secret.
Me: (Sigh.) WHY WON'T YOU PLAY MY GAME!?!?
The problem is... even though I am really bad at secrets and surprises, I truly love them with all my heart.
Z doesn't love secrets or surprises. We are an unfortunate combination.

Still in love with my Magic School Bus Yellow sweater. So glad I took the plunge and dyed it. My husband thinks I wear it too much, and comments-- Oh, you are wearing that yellow sweater... again.

I am about 98% certain someone is putting maple syrup on my desk in the afternoons while I am gone for lunch. I come back and it smells strongly of maple syrup in here, and my desk is sticky. Ew.

Grocery Lessons

2011-01-31T20:29:00.000-06:00

Groceries are freaking expensive. I am trying to find ways to cut back our grocery bill... but cutting back on food is not something I was born knowing how to do. It is also not something I was ever taught or something i ever witnessed growing up. I told my dad the other day i was trying to figure out how to trim our food budget and he just laughed and said-- I ruined you.
Sooo... cutting down on groceries... especially the more expensive items: shop the sales.
Every time I go to the grocery store I buy whatever meat is on the best sale that day. As soon as I get home, I wrap the meats in appropriate sized portions, and then put them in the freezer to use for meals later that week. But I don't use all of it every week... So tonight when I came home from the grocery store, I packaged up the turkey (that was on an AWESOME sale!) and went to put it in the freezer. But... the freezer was a little full. The freezer is, in fact VERY full. And... about 80% of that is meat.
(I am certain my husband is rejoicing)
We have ground beef, chicken breasts, pork loin, ground turkey, sausage, beef roast, chicken tenders, pork chops, brats, strip steaks, and bacon. And lots of it.
(Husband is doing the happy dance)
And yet I wonder why I can't control the grocery bill. Turns out-- I am buying much more food than we need, specifically more meat than we need, and not remembering what I put in the freezer every week. I have been carefully planning meals to try to cut down our grocery bill... but have a ton of food at home that I am not considering when putting together my menu.
So! Grocery lesson #562: Take inventory before shopping.
On the other hand... my grocery bill next month is going to make me feel like a rock star--not buying any meat for a while... so that's awesome.

Food Rules

2011-01-21T13:09:00.001-06:00

Me: Hey Z what do you want me to make for dinner? Beef stew or chicken parm?
Z: Well... which do you want to make?
Me: I don't care, I have the stuff for both.
Z: [pause] Definitely beef stew.

I should have known.
I am slowly learning the 'Man Food Rules': Beef always trumps chicken. Even though there is a greater possibility of him runnning into vegetables with the stew... beef still trumps chicken. Beef trumps any other meat. The only exception to this rule is Bacon. Bacon trumps any food at any time on any day, no questions asked.
Gentleman? Is this correct?

Also... why is egg nog not available year-round? Ya'll know i love me some nog. DO you think if it were available year round i would love it as much? Do I love it just a little more because of it's novelty? If i had it available to me year-round would it become common-place and less exhilaratingly decadent??? I cannot know for sure. I wish it were Christmas again... I am having nog withdrawal.

Changes, but not new years resoloutions

2011-01-19T12:04:00.000-06:00

There have been some significant changes in the Pogemiller house recently. I feel like we've made some huge leaps and turned a corner. There were some dark days we trudged through to get us there, but things are going better now... and I am excited that some decisions we made have taken shape and brought about real change in our lives.
I know... seeing as how it is January, it kinda seems new-years-resolution-ish. But it's not really. I don't like new years resolutions, I don't do that, it's silly. It just so happens that we hit our breaking point and had a 'come-to-jesus' talk about it... right after the first of the year. Z and I agreed we weren't completely happy with the way our marriage, finances, relationships were going, and changes need to be made.
First off-- we kinda needed to take a look at our finances. We've been kind of average-ly responsible with out finances, started off with the best intentions of tracking and sticking to our strict budget... but didn't stick to it as closely as we intended. We met all our bills, and put a little into our savings, but other than that we kinda weren't real sure what the deal was with our cash flow other than money was pretty tight, and we could do better. So we got a better budget in place, set some specific goals, and streamlined our spending. All so we can meet this more important goal (more than a goal-- a CALLING) to be more generous. We both feel it's important to give generously of all your resources. Even when money is tight-- we know are still blessed financially and want to give more generously out of that blessing. Because we got a handle on our money, we are able to make specific contributions to ministries in our church we believe in and want to support, and we also have 'room' in our budget that in our day to day lives if we see a need-- we have the resources to (at least help) fulfill it. To me... this is hands down the most exciting decision we have ever made as a couple.
We've made some other changes too. We are studying a passage of scripture together right now. It's sparked some interesting conversations. We are somewhat amused by our difference in perspective-- evidenced by the way we ask and answer questions. (I sure you are shocked to hear Z asks the scholarly, historical, theologically based questions, I tend to think more narrative, emotional, and relational... hmmm... ) We are learning from each other... but also learning about each other in the process? Which has been good for us.
We eat breakfast together every morning now. I know... seems insignificant. But it was a change. We each have to get up a little earlier, But I love those extra twenty minutes I have with him each day. Sometimes he reads to me, sometimes we watch the news/weather, sometimes we just talk. We try to pray together (why do we feel awkward praying together? I don't know. It's getting easier, though). If for no other reason, this is good for me because I am more awake, alert, and ready to start my day-- rather than stumbling out of the house half asleep chugging coffee. bleh.
I made Z get rid of score cards. Okay, not literally-- i mean we didn't literally have score cards. But i hate the idea of 'keeping track' and things being 'fair'. The other day he didn't do something I had asked him to, and I had to do it, and he said 'I owe you one'. But I hate that mentality, and I hate that kind of language. No more keeping score of anything in the Pogemiller house, and no more using that kind of language. We are just finding ways to help each other as much as possible with no score card to keep track of who is doing more... and it's been better. A lot better. My husband has gone from being my opponent to being my helper and leader. It's a beautiful thing, my friends. Beautiful, beautiful thing.
Now... before you start to roll your eyes my world through rose colored glasses-- please recall what a miserable, pathetic person I have been for the past several months up to this point... mmm... recall that now? ugh. Gross. I am still that person, and I am still human. And... I am also smart enough to realize the limits I have because of my chronic human-ness. So I know that more bumps in the road and trials are surely coming my way (and SOON because things seem to be going so well right now, right?). But the changes we have made in our life have brought us to a much healthier place... and have no desire to be where we were before, so this work in progress will continue to be, well, work. But at least progressing in the right direction now.

(You like how I did that? How I cleverly turned that phrase as I summed up the post? Geez, that's the kind of stuff that gets me up in the morning! I love a good pun and a turn of phrase. It's gonna be a good day.)

Good News/Bad News

2011-01-11T11:51:00.002-06:00

The good news is Z is on vacation alllllll week.
The bad news is Valerie is not.

The good news is it's snowing and all the schools have another snow day!
The bad news is-- plumbers don't get snow days.

The good news is the CR-V was running smooth as silk... no bumping or shaking or loud scary noises anymore!
The bad news is, it took us $800 to get it there.

The good news is we had the money to repair/maintain one of our vehicles.
The bad news is the other one still needs tires.

The good news is we didn't find ourselves stranded in the boonies of MO, at the mercy of a creepy tow truck driver we didn't know, while our vacation time and budget slowly slipped out of our hands.
The bad news is, Z found himself stranded on the side of the interstate on after dropping me off for work... and our vacation may now be delayed.

The good news is-- it's not the transmission! It's the right cv-shaft that was most likely knocked out of place during the repairs to the left cv-shaft we had done yesterday.
The bad news is it's there is really no way to prove to NTB that the current damage to our vehicle was due to their faulty work yesterday... so we have another repair bill AND a tow bill to deal with.
The good news is... no one was hurt, and everything will be taken care of, and because we are averagely responsible with our resources this vehicle episode is not going to put us in debt. But I'm pretty sure it also won't have us turning down a free meal for the next month or so until our bank account can recover a bit. HA!

Pity, party of one?

2011-01-10T14:30:00.001-06:00

Sooo... a friend posted THIS LINK on facebook today. I bit-- checked out the link, read the short article...
And there you go, a challenge that must have been hand picked for me today.
I need to be honest. It's been a challenging 7.5 months. An even more challenging past 2 months. And an even more challenging weekend. It's been lonely, frustrating, and easy to justify self-pity.
BUT...
I have been learning recently about how to live more intentionally. Challenging myself to learn when to say no, and when to say yes. Trying to be proactive instead of re-active to the unhappy circumstances in life... and figuring out how to live without falling into a trap of lonliness and self pity.
And then I read "...and [your spouse] should never be lonely."
Which is what I needed today to challenge me to be a better wife.

2011-01-06T16:38:00.000-06:00

Husbands are more or less just chaos-producing machines.
I am apparently not skilled enough at diffusing chaos to have one.

Oops.

2010-12-30T10:16:00.001-06:00

I spent several hours adding and re-adding, and checking, and double checking, and reprinting reports on numbers that made no sense. I told my boss they made no sense and he shrugged and said he didn't know what to tell me, but I needed to balance that statement...
I asked him if he's sure he gave me the right statement.
He's sure.
Okay.
Back to work for another couple hours and I call some guy and have him fax me, like twenty invoices their statement isn't showing and he is super annoyed, becuase, really, who wants to fax 20 invoices??? I wait for the invoices and I am getting frustrated with how long this thing is taking and why it doesn't make sense... and my boss comes up to my office and hands me a document...
"I think this is the correct statement, the one I gave you earlier (Oh, you mean the one i had been working off of for the past several hours and couldn't make sense of?!?!) is wrong. Oops."
And he leaves.
I seriously want to cry. And punch someone.
Opps?!?! REALLY?!?!?

Funny (for me) but not fair.

2010-12-28T12:32:00.000-06:00

Last night I made spaghetti and meatballs for dinner. Z was skeptical because he finds meatballs wildly offensive (he doesn't enjoy a ball of meat he has to bite into... so i either have to break his up or make... tiny ones just for him. And because I've the maturity of a 13 yr old boy... I had a good time giving him a hard time about his tiny balls... heh heh. But I digress...) These meatballs were subject to extra skepticism because they were also made from ground turkey, instead of his meat of choice: beef.
He ate a healthy serving of spaghetti and tiny balls (heh) and then told me... "This was really good". (Note the missing word 'actually'? It wasn't 'actually really good' it was just 'really good'. Success. Men can be trained.) then he asked if I wanted to go get my new Christmas toy set up... and I said, "Yeah, but we need to clean up dinner first..." As I was reaching into the freezer for a pint of Haagen Dazs. Noting the icecream in my hand Z asked if that means he had to clean the kitchen by himself, and I said "No, not neccessa-- (wait, what am I saying?!?!?!?!) Yeah. I guess so, Z." And I plopped myself onto the couch with my ice cream to enjoy what was about to happen.
Z is laughing uncertainly about tackling dinner cleanup and i am giggling with glee wondering how this had actually happened! And then... he spills something. And FREAKS out. And of course the spill is entirely my fault because why would I leave a half-empty open bottle sitting out like that (Please note: Z has never left a half consumed container of ANYTHING sitting open ANYWHERE in the entire 27 years of his existence, so you can understand why my over sight is an unfathomable offense... Did you get through that without laughing? Yeah, me neither) So he's in the kitchen all flustered and hacked off and telling me I am in charge of cleaning up the floor since the spill is my fault-- and I am pretty sure he is serious, but the whole thing, and the drama of it all is making me giggle as he is arguing the 'fairness' of him having to clean up after me...
Ah... there we are. I honestly don't think that he really wants 'fairness' in our home... because i am pretty sure life as he knows it would change drastically-- no more homemade meals, dish washing, laundry, or grocery shopping from Mrs. P. If we are being 'fair' he can probably do those for himself.
Buuuut... we don't really want fairness and keeping score and not helping each other in our house. No one would be happy then. However I did enjoy that just for a few moments he experienced my daily frustration of being expected to by myself clean a mess that was made by someone else or for the benefit of someone else (food and dishes anyone?). I'm a little bit glad he experienced the 'unfairness' of it all. But to be honest, I don't really desire that anyone experience that for too long...
So I went in to help. I did make him clean up the unfair spill on his own.
And... don't tell anyone, but as much as I relished the moment sitting on the couch with my Haagen Dazs while Z was busy working... I actually much preferred the later moments with him in the kitchen laughing at each other, dumping the trash, and putting our dishes in the dishwasher.
I don't want to be fair-- just together.

Christmas Hangover

2010-12-27T14:14:00.001-06:00

I did not drink too much on Christmas day. But I woke up the day after feel as though I had. The alarm went off and I cracked my eyes open to blinding brightness. Too bright-- i wanted to pull the covers over my head but had to pee so bad I thought was was going to burst. My feet hit the floor and I had to make a concerted effort to stay upright for the about six steps to the bathroom. My head was pounding and causing a disorienting dizzy sensation and every muscle in my body was yelling at me as I tried to wake up. I stumbled back to my bed... and my husband was mumbling that he didn't want to get up... and I pulled the covers over my head to enjoy the warmth, comfort, and darkness of my bed for just a few... more...
And then I woke up three hours later.
And there was no husband next to me.
Wrapped a blanket around myself and ran down the stairs-- Zachary!
Who... just laughed at me and said, "I guess you aren't making it to church today." Yeah, I guess not.
I then realized that I was still nauseous and my head still hurt and I lay down on the stairs right there, and whimpered until Z made me get up and shower... drink some water... take a few ibuprofen... There, that's better. Did he slip something in my drink yesterday? No, he maintains his innocence.
We decided it must be a Christmas Hangover. After weeks of preparing, stressing, cleaning, sewing, rehearsing, baking, and making sure everything was (mostly) perfect... the day came and went in one big WHOOSH and the aftermath left an exhausted Valerie.
But you know what the perfect cure for a Christmas Hangover is? An Egg-nog shake purchased for you by your husband at Sheridans. And if you are suffering similarly of a Christmas Hangover, you are in luck because (for the time being...) Sheridans still has them on their menu...
Yum.

Christmas

2010-12-25T01:00:00.002-06:00

Comfort ye, comfort ye my people, saith your God. Speak ye comfortably to Jerusalem, and cry unto her, that her warfare is accomplished, that her Iniquity is pardoned. The voice of him that crieth in the wilderness; prepare ye the way of the Lord; make straight in the desert a highway for our God.
Ev'ry valley shall be exalted, and ev'ry mountain and hill made low; the crooked straight, and the rough places plain.
And the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see together; for the mouth of the Lord hath spoken it.
(Isaiah 40 : 1-5)

Thus saith the Lord, the Lord of Hosts; Yet once a little while and I will shake the heav'ns and the earth, the sea and the dry land: And I will shake all nations; and the desire of all nations shall come.
(Haggai 2 : 6-7)

The Lord, whom ye seek, shall suddenly come to His temple, even the messenger of the Covenant, whom ye delight in: behold, He shall come, saith the Lord of Hosts.
But who may abide the day of His coming, and who shall stand when He appeareth? For He is like a refiner's fire.
And He shall purify the sons of Levi, that they may offer unto the Lord an offering in righteousness.
(Malachi 3 :1-3)

Behold, a virgin shall conceive and bear a Son, and shall call his name Emmanuel, GOD WITH US.
(Isaiah 7 : 14; Matthew 1 : 23)

O thou that tellest good tidings to Zion, get thee up into the high mountain. O thou that tellest good tidings to Jerusalem, lift up thy voice with strength; lift it up, be not afraid; say unto the cities of Judah, behold your God! O thou that tellest good tidings to Zion, Arise, shine, for thy Light is come, and the glory of the Lord is risen upon thee.
(Isaiah 40 : 9; Isaiah 60 : 1)

For behold, darkness shall cover the earth, and gross darkness the people; but the Lord shall arise upon thee, and His glory shall be seen upon thee. And the Gentiles shall come to thy light, and kings to the brightness of thy rising.
(Isaiah 60 : 2-3)

The people that walked in darkness have seen a great light; and they that dwell in the land of the shadow of death, upon them hath the light shined.
(Isaiah 9 : 2)

For unto us a Child is born, unto us a Son is given, and the government shall be upon His shoulder; and His name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, the Mighty God, the Everlasting Father, the Prince of Peace.
(Isaiah 9 : 6)

There were shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flocks by night.
And lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them, and they were sore afraid.
And the angel said unto them: Fear not, for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.
And suddenly there was with the angel, a multitude of the heavenly host, praising God, and saying:
Glory to God in the highest, and peace on earth, good will towards men.
(Luke 2 : 8-14)

Merry Christmas!

Hot Mess Christmas

2010-12-23T15:28:00.000-06:00

If you have spoken to me recently for any amount of time... you probably noticed I seemed a little flustered. A little bit out of sorts. Not... really all put together. A bit of a mess.

B keeps calling me a 'hot mess' and while I know she says it with love in her heart... the truth stings a little. I AM a mess. I can't get it together, you guys! I used to be a pretty level-headed person of average sanity. Excitable, yes, but generally in control of myself in most situations.

These days... there is no control whatsoever.

My house is a mess, I can't keep it clean, laundry and dishes have taken over. I am over-committed, and I am bored with not enough to do. I am frustrated and restless and unfulfilled. My job is frustrating. My husband is frustrating-- and try as I might I just can't figure him out, or figure out how we can peacefully and happily live under the same roof. And here's the kicker-- I rarely see the man! We have approximately 1.5 hours a day together and still can't figure out how to communicate our needs and expectations in a way the other can understand. I don't feel like I am necessary or appreciated at work. Not feeling necessary or effective at my church. Things I think are important that I attempt to make happen just kind of fall apart. Don't know if that's ALL my fault, or other forces or what... but it seems everything I touch is a mess. My whole life just feels like a train wreck right now. It's a complete and utter mess I can't sort out.

And for the past three or four months, that phrase has come to define my life and dominate my thoughts-- I can't shake it-- MY LIFE IS A MESS.

So then I am at church on Sunday and D is talking about Christmas cards and how we like the pretty ones with pictures of the holy family looking clean and happy, maybe with a soft halo and a sprinkle of glitter on their snow white garments... pretty, uncomplicated, clean. That's how I like my Christmas cards, how I like my Christmas decor, and how I would really appreciate my life... So I am nodding along as D is talking because I like where I think this is headed... we are going to hear about the peace and simplicity of the season... and my mind is drifting thinking that yeah, I need to hear this...

But that's not what he was talking about at all, he says "...when in actuality, that first Christmas was MESSY. For everyone involved."

WAIT--What? But my focus zeroed in immediately. It doesn't seem incredibly profound but just hearing those words I loathe that have become a description of myself being used to describe the greatest miracle to ever happen to mankind? Give me a moment to process--

But he plowed ahead describing what mess a young man Joseph was in because of it-- the hurt, the scandal, the shame and ridicule and whispers. Same thing for a young woman named Mary who finds herself pregnant, and knows she could be put to death, or best case scenario will be a single mother forced to prostitution just to keep herself and her child alive. And... a baby who is actually the all powerful God who created the universe that chose to come to us with all the power of an infant, born in a nasty smelly barn, and grow up a boy of questionable parentage, facing ridicule and whispers... and eventually the most shameful and painful death anyone could come up with.

Let me give you a moment to take that in--

...

You good? Great, moving on...

And I thought MY life was a wreck. And I know, I know, maybe you've heard the story, and the gruesome details before and this is not shocking to you. I am pretty sure I have-- but it just hit me HARD this season. I just kept thinking-- WHY? Why? why? I don't get it. I believe the story to be true, but why would it happen like that? Why did all powerful God of the universe choose to come in all the dirt and mess one situation could possibly contain? It makes no sense.

But it does... because we were told about him, before he ever came:

The Lord himself will give you the sign. Look! The virgin will conceive a child! She will give birth to a son and will call him Immanuel (which means 'God is with us'). Isaiah 7:14 (NLT)

Hmmmm... Immanuel: God with us. Not God made us, God likes us, or God knows all about us (which are all true... you know) But God with us. He chose to be with us-- one of us-- messy like us. All powerful God chose to enter our mess to be with us... so that he could go through what we do, experience our pain, hurt, confusion, frustration, anger, embarrassment, shame, hunger, communication issues, excitement, happiness... MESSINESS. He got into the mess of humanity because he loved us enough to experience life with us. The good, bad, and ugly parts of it.

Back to that question of why? Because he loves us. And chose to redeem us from the mess we've created at the cost of his own life.

God is with me, on my journey (like how I tie that in?), even on the messy days when my journey is taking me in circles. He didn't ask me to come to him, he came to me. To be with me. To endure the pain, hurt, confusion, frustration, anger, embarrassment, shame, hunger, communication issues, excitement, happiness and messiness with me.

Because he loves me. Even though I am a hot mess.

To be honest... I have spent a couple days chewing on this message. I didn't immediately make sense of it and make peace with it-- so to speak. I don't know if it was what D was trying to get across. I am not really eloquent, and I don't know if what I shared makes sense... but i have found a bit of peace in my train wreck of a life knowing that I have a God who understands, because he chose to be a part of it so he could love me through it... yes?

Hallelujah that we have a God that got messy with us on Christmas day two thousand-ish years ago, and continues to love and redeem our messes today. That's what I am celebrating this season...

Merry Christmas!

Another Anniversary

2010-12-19T23:21:00.000-06:00

I had a babysitter who regularly performed hearing and eye tests on each of us. Usually over lunch. I remember sitting at the table and being told to cover my left eye, and having to peek through my fingers to see for the eye test. The other kids accused me of cheating. The next time i was asked to cover my left eye I joked-- hey! Who turned out the lights?-- not knowing that it was not at all a funny joke but a symptom of something very wrong.
Donna, my babysitter, convinced my parents I needed my eyes checked. They had the school nurse do an eye check and she told my parents there was nothing wrong with me and my eyes were fine-- that my babysitter was crazy. My parents were satisfied after the school nurse's exam... but Donna persisted. There was something wrong.
So more as a last resort to appease the babysitter than anything... my parents took me to the physician... who sent us to an ophthalmologist... who sent us to an oncologist and a surgeon. Turns out Donna was right-- there was something wrong. I was diagnosed with Retinoblastoma, cancer of the retina, on December 19, 1990. The doctors told my parents to go home and have a normal Christmas... I had surgery 8 days later to remove my right eye. The cancer was entirely contained within the retina, and the surgery was successful in completely removing the cancer from my body...
So today finds me nearly 20 years cancer free... and that is exciting to share! Were it not for the persistence of our dear friend and babysitter, it could be a very different ending to this story. I have been blessed with many such people throughout my life-- who have been the right person at the right moment to (sometimes very literally, see above) save my life. It seems there is really no appropriate way to express gratitude to those people...
Anyway... Happy Anniversary. 20 years I guess that quite an accomplishment, of sorts. Makes me feel old. :)
Buuuuut... Z and I busted out the fancy glasses and had ourselves a little celebration and a toast "To the defeat of evil!" (his words). Feel free to celebrate with us as you see fit!

(in case you were curious... HERE is what I had to say about it last year...)

Slow and Steady (race report)

2010-11-29T12:33:00.000-06:00

Happy Thanksgiving! It is 6:00 AM and even though you have a house of out of town guests, and biggest meal of the year to produce for your in laws in just a few hours...
You've decided to start your day with 3.1 miles. Oh, and I do I need to remind you it's only 20 degrees outside? So, bundle up! Whats that? You don't really have winter running gear? What the crap were you thinking?!?!
Bundled in leggings, Z's ARMY sweatpants, a couple t-shirts, Z's Old Navy Fleece and Hawkeyes knit cap, and J's gloves... I headed out for the Thanksgiving Day 5K. I looked way super ultra classy... and I was warm. So there you go.
My Husband is a runner. He gets all competitive and has time goals and people he wants to beat. I usually have 1 goal, and that is to finish, and if I beat a PR, well, that's cool. Because guess what? I'm slow. But I'm cool with that, even if Z is not.
The course was on the Sprint Campus in Overland Park, and was basically an out and back that was uphill out... which you can figure out means 'back' is all downhill... ahhhhhhh... it's a beautiful thing. So ONE WOULD THINK that halfway through my second mile my pace would pick up a bit. You know, make up some time on those nice slopey downhills... and I totally thought I was, at the time. After the race I checked my splits.
Mile 1 - 12:04
Mile 2 - 12:06
(and I never saw the 3 mile marker... sooo... the last is 3.14 miles (it was a Pi run!)
Mile 3 + .14 - 14:18
Total 3.14 miles - 38:28
So those first two miles were obviously a nice consistent pace, yeah me! Slow but steady, thats how a Valerie runs. The last mile I was really cold, and obviously getting a little tired, so I slowed down a bit.
The last 5k I did my official time was 37:47. So I didn't beat my PR but, it was approximately 50 degrees colder out this time, so only adding about 45 seconds to my time I am not broken hearted about. I feel good about what I did.
HOWEVER
I would not recommend running a 5k and then spending the next 4 hours of your life on your feet barefoot in the kitchen preparing the Biggest meal of the year... unless you want your legs to let you know about it. Should your days activities require you to be on your feet for extended periods of time... wear some supportive shoes for heaven's sake!
So that's my race report from Thanksgiving day! It was fun, I would do it again. I got a shirt with a turkey on it. I think Mr. and Mrs. P are going to make this a Thanksgiving tradition.
Hope your Thanksgiving was lovely!

No deal on the no-shows.

2010-11-18T14:11:00.000-06:00

I know that no-show socks for ballet flats and heels sound like a splendid idea... but they are a load of hooey. I have never found a pair that do not actually show... and when they DO show, you look like a big time goober. Don't invest your dollars in a pair, okay? You will be dollarless and disappointed for sure.

No crying over spilled... ornaments.

2010-11-12T12:28:00.000-06:00

I let the theatre borrow my Christmas decor for the production of Annie this summer. Mostly they just used the red ornaments on the tree... but the tree was huge, and hard to put together and then take down. And the the person who took the tree down was super clumsy and dropped about half of my ornaments on the floor... and they shattered. (Okay, the clumsy person taking the tree down was me. Happy now?). So I have very few red ornaments for my lovely red and gold Christmas tree... and... I should probably be more torn up about it than I am. Because... now I have to buy new ornaments for my tree. Oh, darn.
I was out with my husband last night and gleefully informed him that I was going to have to shop for all new red ornaments for our tree. My plan is to buy sparkly ones... lots of glitter. The more sparkles the better! Z is lobbying for something more subdued, less sparkle, more understated manly-ness. He obviously doesn't understand the true meaning of Christmas.

Babyphobic

2010-11-11T08:43:00.000-06:00

There is a baby gift for a coworker that was left on the front desk (my desk) a couple days ago. It's just been sitting there. And granted, people leave stuff on my desk all the time, but the baby gift makes me uncomfortable. I just don't want someone to walk in, observe the baby gift in close proximity to me and get the wrong idea. Or get any idea.
It's not that I am anti-baby. Babies are cool when they are across the room, not puking, pooing, or soiling themselves in some other way, and not in any way associated with my womb. All I am trying to say here... is I don't want to have to sit around with baby stuff before my day comes... and that day coming is still something I am bargaining with God about (Dear God, Not real excited about pregnancy, childbirth, toys that make animal noises, and small sticky hands. Love, Valerie).
All I'm saying is... if dear co-worker doesn't claim their baby gift soon, it might find a--er--safer storage place in the back room or by the dumpster or far far away from my baby-free zone of a desk.

SIGH

2010-11-08T20:45:00.000-06:00

Valerie is having a CRA-aa-ZY week. I think I am losing my mind. I am so spacey and forgetful and discombobulated. I found my cell phone in the fridge. I left my coat at the costume rental place. I double booked myself in a BIG messy way. I keep running into things. I can't get enough sleep. What in the world is wrong with me? Why can't I get it together?
I just tried to bury my worries in a big bowl of brown guacamole (yes, guacamole is supposed to be green, but it's 2 days old and the only thing in my fridge) and made it half way through before realizing I was having an allergic reaction to it-- I'm allergic to avocado and can't handle that kind of concentration of it. So now i'm looped up on Allergy meds? But really, kids, instead of making me loopy maybe the meds are clearing my mind... because I don't feel like I have been able to think this straight in weeks.
I've had a Britney Spears song stuck in my head for like... 3 days. It's kinda starting to grate on my sanity.
I kinda wish someone else could take over and just take care of things for a while. I've too much to do and obviously cannot handle it. I hate the feeling of being a burden to other people or someone else having to pick up the slack because I can't hack it. But guess what? Thats where we're at right now.
Ugh. I just remembered I was supposed to work out tonight. And... I definitely forgot. I suck at disciplines.

Trees

2010-11-04T09:49:00.000-05:00

They cut down the tree in front of our house, eliminating what little bit of shade and curb appeal we had going for us. It was really depressing to come home last night. The front of our house looks naked. And speaking of naked, I am feeling as though we need more than the sheer window treatments we currently have in on the window in our master bedroom... you know, now that we don't have a large leafy tree right in front of it. Sigh. I'm seriously bummed about the tree. You know whats stupid though? They left the stump. Really, tree cutters? You are just gonna leave a couple feet of tree sticking out of the ground as a painful reminder of what we lost? Well, Charlie is pleased, because he still has something to pee on. He loved that tree. Both of the boys did. They loved barking at the birds and squirrels that would sit in it right outside our bedroom window. Geez... I am totally disappointed and depressed about the loss of our tree... I could just... cry.
In other tree news, there is a giant one right on the other side of our fence in the back yard that I believe has a personal mission to dump absolutely as many leaves as it possibly can onto our 10x10 patio. And... we don't have a rake... soooo... It's piling up. the boys try to find ground to do their business and the are chest deep in leaves (given that's not too difficult because they are short dogs, but still...). It's kinda funny, in a we're bad parents and should really clear them a place but enjoy the entertainment of them digging out of a pile of leaves kind of way.
But regardless... I really love this time of year and all the pretty trees. I met my husband at the end of summer, and we dated and spent that fall getting to know each other. I can't help but think of how much I loved that fall each time the season has come around since then. Add some apple cider to the pretty colors and happy memories... and I'm sold.

Dear Fall,
You're the best! Never Change. (except your leaves, they can change colors. :)
Love,
Valerie

Beware of Stranger Huggers

2010-10-28T11:35:00.001-05:00

To be fair, I don't often like to hug people I know well. I will hug my family, and a very few close friends... but even still, if they initiate the hug, and I'm not feeling it... I can get super weirded out. But there are some people who will hug anyone. Family, extended family, best friends, lost friends, new friends, co-workers, walmart employees, cab drivers, ex-boyfriends' new girlfriends...
(Yeah... that last one got me. Why would you do that? Introduce yourself, plop down and have an incredibly uncomfortable 30 minute conversation, then hug them on your way out? How does one respond to that? It doesn't seem like an appropriate occasion for a hug. And, really kids, Karma will get you BAD for making someone that uncomfortable. But I digress...)
Stranger Huggers don't seem to recognize or care for boundaries. They are blissfully unaware of how uncomfortable the hug can be to an unwilling recipient. They also seem to lack appropriate timing for hugs, even if they have secured a willing recipient, or appropriate situation.
You can kinda sense it coming when a stranger hugger is about to get you... they kinda get the glint in their eye... like they are about to share a moment with you. But you have to watch for it because it's fast, and if you miss the glint they might be 2/3 into the hug before you know what happens. When you see the glint try as quickly as possible to physically remove yourself from the general vicinity of the hugger. If it's too late for that... you can at least throw a shoulder at their open arms and go for the still awkward but less commitment side hug.
Sometimes the inevitable happens (as happened with the ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend hugger) where you are blindsided because you never in your wildest dreams thought someone would find this an appropriate situation or recipient for a hug... and you find yourself chest to chest with someone else's arms tightly wrapped around you... So, you do the back pat (two pats) and start to pull away. Sometimes they don't take the hint, and you have to start mumbling "Okay, thats good... okay..." as soon as they start to loosen their grip, break free and get out of there! You never know when stranger huggers may strike again, and they HAVE been known to strike the same victim twice.
So, just... be aware of your surroundings, and be careful out there!
(and... if you happen to run into me, waving is good, or even a handshake is tolerable... but hugging is strongly discouraged, unless of course, I initiate or you are my husband, in which case, hug away. I have rarely been offended by Z invading my personal space. He's the exception to the hug rule. Awww...)

No, really, it's seriously just my allergies.

2010-10-27T11:01:00.000-05:00

Soooooo... being sick at work is funny. Especially at my work, people get all bent out of shape and weird about you being sick. Like... how dare you come into work and infect all of us (which is valid) but also if you try to stay home sick, what do you mean you aren't coming in today? You can't take a day off! You aren't that sick, get your butt into work!
SIGH
So you can't win.
But whats really fun is about this time of year, when my allergies go NUTS. And I show up at work coughing, sneezing, blowing my nose, and talking in that nasal voice because my head is stuffed up tighter than an emo kid's pants. I'm popping Claritin and Zyrtec like it's my job, but no relief. AND of course this summer just keeps trying to hang on and hang on and hang on, and we are to the end of October with temps in the 80's with no hope of that first freeze that will finally FINALLY bring relief and assuage my sinuses with it's allergen-killing frosty-goodness.
But until that day...
I'm still at work.
"You have a cold?"
Nope, not a cold, just my allergies. Not infectious. Thanks.
"Wow, you've had that cold for a really long time."
No, no cold. Allergies.
"Are you taking something for that cold you have?"
Allergies, I have allergies...
"Please don't touch my pen, I don't want your cold."
IT'S NOT A COLD!
It's just allergies, I promise!!!!
If it would just freeze already, to prove me right, that'd be great. But it won't. So I've got this 'cold' that I've had for about two months now... and everyone is convinced I am seconds from infecting them with it... and I should go home and get better, but not take any time off work. I am forced to be the office recluse... which is not altogether horrible... but you know a little annoying, because, SERIOUSLY guys, It's just my allergies.

100 DC Update #5

2010-10-15T11:24:00.001-05:00

Again, I have let two weeks pass in between my updates. Meh.
1) It is getting harder and harder to stick to our workouts. Motivation is waning, as is sleep and they just fuel the monster inside of me screaming that working out is SO not worth it. We work out around 10:00 every night, and maybe that would be fine for some of you, but for me it's a no go. Because it means I don't get to sleep until 12:00. My husband agreed to start doing our workouts on our own, so we wouldn't have to do it so late... but he doesn't get his done during his time home during the day very often because he is doing homework... so then the few precious hours we actually have together... he has to work out, while i do something else. Not worth it. SO frustrating.
On the other hand, we are starting to see some results. Z has to wear a belt now, and his arms are so pretty. :) I think I may be losing weight as well, though I am not sure if it is from working out or the stress of never sleeping and trying to get through my life. sigh.
This is... seemingly unrelated, but working out is the main thing that drives me up the wall and forces me daily to wonder if ALL newly weds have this much trouble balancing life/work/time together or if we are just abnormal. Every time I have a breakdown Z tries to re-assure me that we are normal and I am expecting too much/being too hard on myself... but then all our newly wed friends (or even not-so-newly wed friends) seem to have plenty of time together and I don't see any of them having breakdowns??? Or complaining about lack of sleep??? Where did I miss the 'Time Management for Wives 101' sign up sheet??? UGH.
2) I've been learning and trying a lot of new things the past two weeks, here are some of the highlights:
Tried making hamburger helper for a meal to give myself a break: Catastrophic results. As it turns out, apparently I am not skilled enough to make crappy food.
Made cinnamon rolls and bread from scratch for the first time all by myself: excellent results.
Made myself a sweater. Learning some new sewing techniques so I can sew some clothes for Christmas gifts.
Tried a new restaurant: Spin! Yummy-ness. Want to go back without my husband and get something with goat cheese and/or veggies on it though.
3) Dishes still gross me out. We did a great kitchen clean on sat, and I did a good job keeping it clean of dishes all week after that. (the fabric, scissors, paint, etc. all over the kitchen table are a different story...)
4) Recycled costumes: Went to the good will, and pulled discarded pieces from our wardrobe to create Halloween costumes for us. Pretty excited about the results. I will post them at a later date...

Dear Friday,

2010-10-08T10:52:00.000-05:00

I dislike you. I wish we could be friends, because you seem like a really great idea, but time after time you prove to be a long miserable day. Friday, I am sorry, but I have to break up with you. After much thought and soul searching, I decided I am SO over you, and must sever these ties. From now on, I plan to skip you entirely. My week will go straight to Saturday from Thursday, and everyone will be happier for it. Sorry we couldn't work things out, I'd like to say it's not you, it's me, but we all know that's not true.

Sincerely,

Valerie L. Pogemiller

First of the season.

2010-10-04T09:55:00.002-05:00

Not gonna lie... despite my plush-y new sweater, I am frezing my pa-tootie off at work today. This building is like a meat locker... and now that temperatures ourside are starting to dip ever so slightly toward fall... the cooling effect is intensified. Brrr...
Soooooo...
I turned my space heater on my toes under my desk today.
Ahhhh...

100 DC Update #4

2010-09-27T11:35:00.001-05:00

Technically this should be update #5, but I skipped last week, becuase... I don't know, I didn't feel like it.

P90X: We had a rough week this week. I was a little sick. We had some scheduling conflicts. Z had a lot of schoolwork. We missed a couple of workouts. As per the intructions of the program, if you mess a week up, you have to repeat it. Thus, we should be on week #4 Recovery week now... but instead we will be repeating week #3. So P90X will be P97X for Mr. and Mrs. P. Lets hope... we don't mess up again and have to extend that again. sigh.

This week I learned:

How to play Stratego.

You can change the position of your needle when sewing to change the width of a hem (HA! Shortcut!).

How to sew a button hole using a different foot on my sewing machine.

How to use photoshop to shrink the size of a pic to something more appropriate for emailing and posting on the web.

Being a good friend is less about what you say and do, and more about showing up and just being there.

This week I tried:

A new recipe... kind of created my own, and made a phenominal fall Apple and Banana nut Bread!

Making 'hoodies' for my dogs (created my own pattern, and made a tutorial that I posted on my other blog)

****Not all learning experiences end with success or go as smoothly as planned. With all of the interesting things I learned sewing this week, I also sewed right through my finger for the first time, and may or may not have spewed out several curses when that happened. I also worked really hard on a recipe that was going to be amazing. And... it wasn't BAD, but was a TON of work for average potato soup. I will not be repeating. Sooo... you win some and lose some.

DISHES: Won a few battles this week, but the war is not over. And I strongly believe God is on my side (Ha, I said that just for my husband, who I know will just LOVE that statement), and I will be victorious! Z is helping. HERE is a story about one of the dish battles this week... but they don't all end so pleasantly. Actually most of them end with me sighing in the middle of my dirty kitchen with a full sink of dishes taunting me.

Reduce, reuse, recylce: Pulled a pair of old sweatpants out of the trash and made THESE charming hoodies for my babies. I am giving myself extra credit for this project, because it made it's way into 2 of my 4 goals. Definitely recycling, reusing, upcycling, whatever word you wanna use. Actually, all the materials for those sweatshirts came out of my leftovers, scraps, or trash. :) I am very proud of myself. And I am dying to do it again...

Expectations and Dishes and Games

2010-09-24T14:51:00.000-05:00

Married life has been... different than I expected.
The last month has been a little crazy. Z went back to school (as did the rest of the world) so we see each other less and have even more demands on the time we do have together. By the time we get home each night we are too exhausted to enjoy each other's company. Which is... disappointing, to say the least. I have especially been overwhelmed with the demands of keeping up with my work, life, and housework, meals, laundry...
But dishes seem to always be my downfall. I can't keep them under control. I can have every dish in the house clean when i leave the house, come home and there is a sink of dishes. Then I have to rush-rush make dinner before I can deal with them, and by the time dinner is ready, the husband is home, and we need to spend time together, or workout, or i just don't have the time to finish all the dishes before crashing... and then I get up the next day and the same thing happens again. I hate dishes. Then just throw on top of that... last night my husband started lecturing me about over-filling the dishwasher, because the dishes were not meeting his standard of clean, and I was just done. "I guess if you do dishes more often, you won't have to deal with that issue, will you?" I snapped at him and went and pouted on the couch.
He said nothing as he finished putting away dishes, reloaded the dishwasher, pushed it across the kitchen and hooked it up to run yet another load. Then he came into the living room and smiled at me. And I love him so much, I couldn't pout anymore because he saved me from the dish monster trying to eat my soul and crush my spirit.
I suggested we play a game. And for a moment he looked at me like I was crazy, then went downstairs and grabbed a couple board games (we got a whole collection for wedding gifts!) and we spent about two hours playing board games last night... in the middle of our living room floor... laughing and having a good time. I liked it.
Usually our time spent together is watching TV or chatting in the car on the way to somewhere. But it was really fun to have no where to go (and no dishes taunting me!) and no TV or computers on... just a low-tech board game, a little friendly competition (He won LIFE, I won Stratego-- which I think hurt his feelings, just a little), and some valuable time together.
Sooo... married life is different than I expected. Never thought that dishes would become my nemesis, and my husband my hero for occasionally rescuing me from them. I never thought that the greatest night of my month would be in the middle of my living room shoving little plastic pieces across a board. I didn't expect that the little things would be the things that make or break us. Last night they made us GREAT.
(smile)

Shameless plug for a cool person I know

2010-09-21T15:49:00.001-05:00

My good friend Courtney is a runner... and a runner with a purpose, which is cool. She runs to cure cancer... or raise money to support the leukemia and lymphoma society. Which I think is cool, and I support... because I happen to know first hand that cancer SUCKS. Anywho... Courtney is in her final push to reach a big fundraising goal and she is doing so by having a THE ULTIMATE BLOG RAFFLE where she is giving away TONS of cool stuff for runners, or athletic people, or healthy people, or people that like to look cool... all those things. Anyway, check out her prizes, help her out, and enter her raffle, by DONATING . If you can't Donate, at least leave her an encouraging note, and let her know how you appreciate what she's doing. She's an AWESOME, driven woman with a big goal, and I believe she will make it!
Love you, Court! Good luck!

Hidden Treasure (and/or groceries)

2010-09-14T18:29:00.000-05:00

I intentionally hide stuff from myself. I know that's a little weird...
But every spring when I am putting away the heavy coats, I slip a few bills in one of the pockets and then forget about it. Or if I have a gift card that I don't immediately have use for, I put it in the bottom of my card basket, or in my sock drawer.. and then a month or two later when i get to the bottom of that drawer... Holy cow! $25 to Walmart, I totally didn't know I had! Or an extra $10 in my pocket come fall when yes, it's unreasonably expensive, but also unreasonably uplifting to sip on a carmel apple cider from Starbucks. Thank you, Spring! You're most welcome, Fall!
Well, most recently I did that when we had a ba-zillion gift cards after our wedding, and my husband was on a spending spree i grabbed a couple... hid one in my drawer, and one in the date box and forgot about them.
This month money got tight. Z went back to school, and there is nothing like a semester at a christian school to clear out your checking account. I am kind of starting to feel like Old Mother Hubbard when I open the pantry door, and I have been wondering and wondering what we were going to do on Wednesday when the next school payment cleans us out again and we have to decide between gas for my car, or milk and bread. (which honestly... gallon of milk... gallon of gas... not a lot of difference in price there, my friends!)
Anyway... I went over to the 'date box' which has not been opened in several months (due to previously explained financial situation) because i found I little sentimental trinket I wanted to put in there... and whatever should I find shining up from the bottom of the box at me... but a brand new, never been used, $25 gift card to Walmart! (Can you see the beam of light from the sky and the little angel choir **AHHHHHH!!!** ???) It was like stumbling upon buried treasure. What a beautiful, marvelous magnificent surprise!
You will never ever guess what I'm gonna do tonight! I'm gonna go grocery shopping! Milk and bread... and even some peanut butter! YEEESS!!! (*Fist Pump*)

Windows

2010-09-14T08:52:00.000-05:00

My job is interesting. Some days I am so busy I haven't the time to take a breath between answering the phones... some days it is so quiet and so slow that you just want to beat your head against the wall (because you are so tired of twiddling your thumbs). Yesterday was a busy day... which is somewhat foreboding, because that means today is...
Today is that second kind of day.
And I am not just being dramatic (well, maybe I am but...) because there is someone else who feels the same way! ...who has quite literally been beating their head against the wall all morning! ...well, against the window.
There is a bird outside my front window, whom I would only assume is beating his head against my window because he is bored out of his skull like I am. Of course if he keeps it up he's gonna crunch his little skull... but he is persistent! He's either gonna make it through that glass or die trying.
Okay, so maybe the bird isn't bored. Maybe he's OCD. Or stupid. But it can't feel good each time the cla-thunks! my window then thuds to the ground. Every time he gets right up and does it again about 30 seconds later.
At least the bored/OCD/stupid bird offers some entertainment (for the time being, I am sure an hour from now... I'll be over it.)

100 DC update

2010-09-10T10:29:00.002-05:00

plugging along. here is what this past week looked like:
1) P90X is kicking my butt. Yoga last night? HOLY CRAP. I was SO not ready for that. Z and I have been doing it every night together which has been motivational and frustrating at the same time. We only have one set of weights and very limited space in our living room... lots of running into each other and pausing to share weights and stuff. We also have no yoga mats... meaning our backs are rug-burned from that dang ab-ripper-X and yoga last night was a little yucky for the same reason. That and our rug smells real funky when you come into close contact with it for that long of a period. So on our wishlist for that *someday* when we have paid our bills and bought our groceries and realize we have money left over (HA!): Yoga Mats. Or if anyone has un-used ones they want to send out way, well thats okay with us too! :) (At this point in our life we are not above donations of any kind... but i digress) So P90X is... well... we're getting through it. Yikes.
Also, for some kind of sadistic accountability reasons, I feel inclined to share that we took 'before' pics (that I will not be posting) and measurements. I am happy to report that even my 'before' body fat percentage is at 20.3% which is an acceptable range. Interested to see how/if that will change over the course of the program.

2) This week I learned:
-how to do some new exercises/yoga... that was interesting
-what 'Monday Night Football' is. (HA! Thanks, Jemel)
-how to use some of the easier editing tools in photo-shop and publisher
-how to recover documents I thought were lost in quickbooks
-how to process jars after canning
I tried:
-making pear butter for the first time!
-making a chocolate zucchini cake (that was really fantastic, even though Z refused to eat any of it.)
-a new pasta recipe my husband did like/eat

3) I did GREAT I keeping a spotless kitchen with all the dishes done for a few days this week... but then last night the week caught up with me, and we rushed out the door to bible study, then back to yoga and i was pooped afterward... and I have a sink full of dirty dishes from last night's dinner to prove it. sigh. Oh well. Room for improvement, and tonight we can start over from scratch with a clean kitchen.

4) On Monday we had the day off for Labor Day, so we celebrated by cleaning our basement and starting P90X. Whoooo... blah. The Basement, though not complete, is in MUCH better shape. It is now my job to free-cycle away all the things we are getting rid of. I might freecycle and craigslist next week, and everything else will go to goodwill. Z is ready to be done with it... I don't want to just fill up the landfill with it all though...
Also the weather has been cooler so we turn off hte air at night and open windows. I try to open blinds and curtains during the day and use natural light rather than electricity... and of course hit the light switch every time I leave a room.

Soooo... I am slowly but surely moving along through my challenges. Some days I make great headway, and the next day I'll take myself back a few steps... but I think in general it's been a positive trend, so thats a good thing. Good luck to everyone else doing the 100 DC!
81 days to go! :)

P90X pain report

2010-09-08T09:44:00.000-05:00

Mr. and Mrs. P are SORE. We hate that Tony guy. We are so sore we groan walking up the stairs to bed, and whine through the stretching at the beginning of the workouts. We are so sore that we are begging for a day off already... but the only thing keeping us going is if we mess up a week, we don't get to move on... we have to repeat that week. That is SO not happening.

100 DC update #2

2010-09-03T14:24:00.000-05:00

Week 2 update!

1) OMG, P90X finally came in the mail. I was expecting it a couple weeks ago... but was mis-informed. My husband and I officially start the program for real on Monday, but have been messing around and doing random workouts and 'studying' our material since we received it. It was rainy this week, I don't have a gym membership, and I don't run in the rain... so I tried to do workouts at home a couple times with the Wii... but it's just not incredibly motivating for me. Tony-whats-his-bucket on the P90X is obnoxiously cheesy and for whatever reason, I can get into that. I will probably hate it soon. One thing I have been working on this week is water and sleep habits. Z has been making an effort to go to bed earlier (Thanks Z!) and I have been attempting to drink enough water. I thought I was pretty good, since I am not a soda drinker, I drink three or four glasses of water a day, but the P90X booklet suggests 6-8 OR MORE glasses of water a day. Yikes. So I have been upping the water, especially in the afternoons when energy and motivation starts to drag, and I feel better... but don't know if I'll get used to peeing 500 times a day (especially given my aversion to public toilets). Monday is going to kick our butt for real, and we need it... we want it... TONY! Do what you must.

2) This week I learned:
It takes much more water than I thought to keep your body going, also...
A glass of water can calm nerves, increase energy in the afternoons, and even help my daily headaches.
Z likes blue cheese. A LOT.
How to make some really fun crinkle baby toys
When you suck a bug up your nose, you can use a saline nasal wash to get it out (Gross, but true... and valuable info to know!)
and I tried:
A new recipe my husband loved.
Naked Juice: Green Machine=LOVE
Relating to some frustrating people in a different way, with great results! I had to re-arrange my veiw of things, but I found they weren't as impossible as i originally labeled them.

3) Didn't do a lot in my kitchen this week, becuase i was lazy. The one night I did make a for-real dinner, Z got home a little late, and so I basically had all the food-prep dishes clean before the meal started. Yay. We did better about loading things directly in the dishwasher after a meal (instead of piling in the sink) and Z ran the dishwasher for me the other day-- without my even asking which was a pleasant surprise! I think this is progress on the dish front.

4) Cans to the recycle place, thank you. Free-cycled my first item this week (an Ironing board) and got a larger file cabinet that we will be transitioning some files to, the free-cycling the old one. (anyone need a 2 drawer metal file cabinet???) It has also been cooler in the evenings, so we have turned the air off and opened windows, which makes my heart happy, and uses a lot less energy. Yay, us!

Sorry.

2010-08-31T10:30:00.000-05:00

You don't get to go around throwing fire and burning bridges... and then expect people to still like and respect you. That's not how it works. If you are nasty and hateful to people, you can't really play the victim or feel sorry for yourself when no one wants to pursue a friendship with you, or even talk to you anymore.
If you have sincerely had a change of heart... ball up and apologize to people. Don't send someone else ("tell everyone I'm sorry") or expect social networking sites to do the job for you ("I sent him a message on facebook..."). That kind of response still lacks maturity and responsibility in every way. And quite honestly, pisses people off.
It is, unfortunately, a long, frustrating, and humbling process to rebuild that bridge you burnt absolutely to the ground, so if you know yourself to be impulsive, immature, fickle, or you opinion easily swayed... next time, I would think very carefully before you get out your flame thrower.

Loot

2010-08-30T15:27:00.000-05:00

I had a lovely birthday! Dinner with my parents, a comedy show, a day at the lake ...and even a surprise party! It was tons of fun. I also got tons of gifts! Including new sewing scissors, Gift Cards (to get my hair done, starbucks, maurices, itunes, and NY&Co.!!!), a grill, a new zjusher, an apron, couple candles, a box full of fabric/ribbon scraps, buttons, and dye, and a new bible! I am feeling incredibly spoiled and inspired. I have lots of shopping, cooking, and creating to do!

100DC Update

2010-08-27T10:12:00.000-05:00

I guess the deal is I am going to give you an update on this 100 day challenge (100DC... yes?) every Friday. So here is the first week update... and some honesty.
My 100DC has had a slow start... we were on vacation for the first couple days this week... and I've had a hard time catching up to life since then, plus it's birthday week around here, so we have been doing lots of extra celebrating with extra lazy time mixed in... anywho... here's how i am doing on each of my 4 challenges:
1) P90X: Worked out with Joel the first day. Had fun. Was so sore the next day I wanted to cry. We haven't received our copy in the mail yet-- so it's up to me to be active on my own, I guess... and I've been doing more ice-cream eating and movie watching, BUT it's beautiful weather and the boys are dying to get outside these days... so I am sure there will be much activity this weekend... at least a run or two with the dogs.
2) Learn/try something new: This week I played frisbee golf for the first time, did P90X for the first time, Met two cool people and learned about their lives, Wrote the longest sewing tutorial I ever have to date (and discovered I need to learn a) how to make patterns and b) correct sewing lingo. ha!). I also learned some things about my husband and how to communicate and relate to him better, just by spending time with his family, and talking on our car ride. Learning, trying, growing, good for me.
3) Dishes: Well... um... when we left town the sink was full of dirty dishes (I had asked my husband to help me with that, since I was crazy busy that day, but he was not feeling helpful in any way, and we were walking out the door when i saw the still-full sink.) I dreaded coming home to the inevitable stinky mess, and was it ever. Yesterday did a load in the dishwasher in the 13 minutes i had at home before rushing out the door again, but still can't bring myself to tackle that pile. But today is the day. We'll call it a birthday present to a better me.
4) Three Rs: I go through the house each morning and turn off all the fans and lights in rooms we are not using. I have a tub in the basement full of soda cans (and probably other stuff, as I cannot for the life of my convince my dear husband that is not a trash can) that I will take in sometime tomorrow. We need to clean out our basement... DESPERATELY and so that project will probably have a lot of recycling, upcycling, freecycling and the like attached to it. I hope to not send much to the landfill... but get A LOT of stuff out of our house.

Soooo thats where I'm at. With hopes for a better next week in all areas of my challenge! :)
Oh, and it's also my Birthday today. I have plans tonight with my parents for my traditional daddy-made birthday dinner (fried chicken, mashed potatoes, corn on the cob, and watermelon) and a motorcycle ride. Should be... amazing. :)

My Boys and Their Toys

2010-08-27T00:14:00.002-05:00

Oh, Dad, all i really want is to play with your new toy... or, you know, kill it!

(Yes, our house is rather messy... we just got home from vacation and took a break from cleaning and unpacking to play with the boys. Winston Grace was FASCINATED with his dad's new helicopter. Every time he would get close to it-- of the couple times he snatched it out of the air... he got in trouble. Not fair, not fair at all, huh bud? Charlie, on the other hand, could not have been more disinterested in the whole scene. He crawled on my lap and snuggled in with his mom. Awww... Charlie. We missed our boys.)

Insight from my best friend:

2010-08-26T10:28:00.002-05:00

McDonalds never lives up to expectations...just like the men in my life. You convince yourself you MUST have it and once you've got it, it's kind of gross.

100 Day Challenge

2010-08-23T21:49:00.002-05:00

My friend Courtney put out a 100 day challenge to all of her friends. Basically the challenge has 2 rules/guidelines: 1) challenge yourself to better yourself in some way 2) complete your challenge within 100 days. And... you have the support of lots of other people who have challenged themselves to be better in some way as well... or something. I don't know, read what she said about the 100 Day Challenge, she probably explains it better than me.
Anywho, I decided to participate and so I am posting here for you my goals. I have a couple different goals I am working on... and they have actually changed slightly from what I originally posted on Courtney's site, but I have explained in detail about each of them below...
1) Complete P90X in 100 days Okay, I know that P90X is a 90 day program. I also know that Valeries are not as ambitious as Tony Whats-his-bucket who designed the 90 day program. So I figure if I can stick with it and have 10 free passes in the next 100 days I can feel good about that. Z's fam bought us P90X for our b-days, so it's perfect timing. I do better with quantitative goals than qualitative... so instead of 'get in shape' or 'lose weight' my first goal is two fold, complete P90X and be able to do an unassisted pull up (Which i have never before even come close to doing--don't judge me) by Dec. 1.
2) Learn/Try something new every day I know I just made my qualitative/quantitative speech... and this one hardly falls into the latter category. But i was sitting around my place of employment the other day looking at my dreary bored co-workers and I thought to myself, I am not going to be here forever. Meaning in this place, this job, this stage of life... whatever. But the only way to move yourself out of dreary bored-ness is to keep moving and keep learning and sometimes trying things and learning by error... learning and trying. I am currently teaching myself to sew. I like trying new cooking techniques, the other day I refinished a bedside table, and since recently getting married I am attempting to speak a new language--MALE. Sooo... Learn/try something every day, easy enough to accomplish. I think it will be interesting to record. ha!
3) Don't go to bed with Dirty dishes this seems simplistic enough, but I am not a tidy person by nature. And the kitchen... well the kitchen messes quickly overwhelm me. I can create more dishes than any person I know making dinner for 2. It's out of control. But if I can get each day's dishes out of the way before starting a new day, I can re-gain control of my kitchen... slowly but surely... this is going to be the toughest for me, I am afraid.
4) The Three R's. I live in lovely Johnson County Kansas, which is a backwards part of the world where they charge you to recycle. If you want to recycle your paper products, cans, and glass... you have to pay a monthly fee for recycling pick up service. Drop off centers for such resources are few and far from here... it's just silly. That will not, however, keep me from my attempts to reduce my carbon footprint... or whatever that lingo is. Here are a few things I am implementing:
a) buckets in the basement for aluminum and paper. (I know of local-ish drops for those items that i can make a trip to weekly)
b) Freecycle.org--I make fun of my mom because she is a little out of control with her free-cycling, but it's a better way to get larger items to someone who can use/fix stuff that would otherwise sit in a landfill. Likewise, I have saved a couple items from landfill status by taking them off the hands of others... and saved $$$ at the same time. woot.
c) Light switches. There is a switch for a reason-- so you can turn it off. This is more of a challenge for my dear husband than it is personally... but we will work to be better about unnecessary energy consumption...
So there's our few things we will doooooo... not world changing, but world helping, right? right.

So there are my goals, my friends. I hope you will... participate with me in encouraging and keeping me accountable to the challenges i have put myself to. Should be fun. As my friend Sara would say... it will be Life Changing! :) yay!

***Challenge runs Aug 23, 2010 through Dec 1, 2010****

I LOVE SURPRISES!

2010-08-16T11:44:00.000-05:00

I do! I really really love surprises! I love it when people surprise me, and I love surprising other people. Birthday surprises are the best... and I just so happen to have one up my sleeve that is making me really anxious for this week to get over, because I can't keep a secret for long! YIKES!
It's going to be a Happy Birthday for someone I love...

Highlight of my week:

2010-08-03T13:22:00.000-05:00

"Will you please just go over and smell the dogs breath? It makes me sick when I smell it, and I think it might be poisonous!"