Fortitude

for·ti·tude
Pronunciation: \ˈfȯr-tə-ˌtüd, -ˌtyüd\
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from Latin fortitudin-, fortitudo, from fortis
Date: 12th century
1 : strength of mind that enables a person to encounter danger or bear pain or adversity with courage

A Prayer

Today is a weird day. There seems to be a heaviness about it. So many people around me are hurting and burdened and I can't help but be exceptionally aware of it. I feel as though some action should be required of me, but don't know how I can help other than prayer. And perhaps that is all the action that is required of me... though I am feeling lost and unsure how to continue to pray. All I feel the heaviness of those hurting around me and all I can think is I know this is not what God intended for his children.
Lord, hear our prayers.

Mad crafty skills

I made this really cool bracelet for my wedding. I am making other wedding jewelry as well, but only have the bracelet done right now. It took several hours to figure out, but once I got the technique down I cranked it right out. I really like the way it turned out and even though I only have kind of crappy pics of it, I am still really proud and needed to share with you the fruits of my labor. It sparkles a lot in person.
Zachary didn't even have a clue he was marrying a girl with crazy mad crafty skills. What luck! ;)

Continuing Education

So I've been feeling pretty bad about myself recently. I've been bummed and feeling uneducated and inadequate. Maybe because I feel like all my friends are in grad school and here I am (with a degree that is mostly useless to me at this point) working a lame job as a receptionist. And it's a fine job, but it's not really fulfilling. I decided I needed to do something either academic or utilizing my talents and passions in some way...
When I expressed this desire to the fiance the other day he wasn't exactly encouraging. Well, to be fair, I guess I can see where he is coming from. He is working through his last year of undergraduate work and wondering how we are going to have money to live and him go to seminary and I am supposed to be saving for our honeymoon and helping him pay for school when I say-- I think I want to go back to school. And I won't say he discouraged the idea... but he acknowledged that I probably do feel this way and that I probably should do something to utilize my talents and pursue a career I would enjoy but thats something we could look at in a few years. He was maybe a tad patronizing.
So... I... was frustrated and ignored what he said and did some research on language courses and culinary schools and settles on the latter. Went ahead and signed up-- starting in January. I couldn't be more excited. A bit impulsive-- I know, but that's the only way I get things done. When I told him about it tonight, he didn't have much response. And I guess I don't know what I really expected his response to be... but I didn't expect it to be a nothing.
So now I have this really yucky feeling of unfulfilled inadequacy mixed with disappointment and it sits in my stomach like a heavy rock. I really wanted him to be encouraging and excited for me. Maybe he is just taking time to process.
I wish he didn't process. I wish I were not so impulsive. Regardless, Culinary Arts school in January... here I come.

The Dam House

"You know what I love about John? I think his inability in spell allows him to candidly express his true opinion of his job."

My job frequently includes correcting the spelling and grammar on the paperwork the guys in the field turn in. It's not that it needs to be perfect, but it needs to be legible.On their paperwork the guys have to include the location of the work, but on the occasion that there is not a specific address or they don't know the address the use the closest street name or defining landmark such as "the lake house", "Black St. House" or "Water Tower Job". Which brings us to today's instance when I walked into my boss' office after editing some paper work and said: "You know what I love about John? I think his inability in spell allows him to candidly express his true opinion of his job." And... pointed out at the top of the page where it clearly stated he had been working at "THE DAMN HOUSE" that day.

We all got a good chuckle... and now I have to call John and tell him how to spell DAM, so he will not make the mistake of being so candid in the future. Hmmm...

***names have been changed to protect the illiterate.

You're uninvited.

Soooo... I got a call from a really good friend today. Initially I was really excited because she lives in Indiana and I live here... so we don't get to talk that often. We are both planning weddings so we have a lot to talk about, and it's always fun to hear from her. In college we had a mutual friend who--to put things really nicely--I had a falling out with. Her family got involved and it was actually quite nasty... but it's been quite a few years since that and the few times I have seen her since she has managed to be civil even if the family has not. Anyway... got a call from my good friend who is still really good friends with former friend and the hateful family... and she was calling to tell me that she cannot invite me to her wedding because former friend and the family cannot handle it. So I'm like-- thats weird because I kinda thought we were all adults who could handle being in the same room with someone we weren't overwhelming fond of for the sake of not putting the bride in a really crappy situation. But apparently not ALL of us fall into the aforementioned category. SO I'm a little bit confused and a little bit hurt but I manage to gulp out an it's okay, and I am sorry that there are people in your life that put you in that kind of situation-- and she imediately jumps to their defense, and defends her decision-- because obviously me not being there is best for everyone. And... at that point I don't really have a clue how i am supposed to respond. So I tell her I hope her day is great, and she says she hopes this doesn't affect our relationship-- you know, because why would it?
It's not so much the non-invite to the wedding that offends me, but the fact that when I was trying to be gracious and let her off the hook in her crappy situation she turned around and told me this was the best way. I'm already offended-- you wanna go ahead and twist that knife when you could have bowed out without making yourself look like a total ass, your friend feel like an unwanted idiot, and effectively permanantly damaging that relationship?
It's just... it was a crappy thing to do and a really crappy way to do it. (And Erin told my I could say that. haha)

I lose already

I promised to be better at blogging more frequently then get all sickly and lose all motivation to think for a few days... so sorry for the slack. Give me a day or two to recover and catch up on other things, and I'll... be back. :)