Just the Before

WARNING: This post contains graphic images of a bare, flabby, post-baby midriff. Proceed with caution.

I only do this because it's horrifying.
I am hoping to horrify myself into action. It's time.
Remember when I told you about my goal? Well today was the first run of a 12 week training program getting to the KC half on Oct. 20th. My run today wasn't bad (it was a easy run day! Thanks for the positive start, training program!), And when I got home I was feeling pretty good about myself, until I took my shirt off, and then I was like... ew.

This has got to stop.

I have always struggled with self-image. I've never been heavy, but grew up in a family that dieted constantly, which I think fueled my dissatisfaction with my body. In high school and college I struggled with anorexia, and just liking myself in general. And while i have come to a much healthier place with eating and loving myself-- those demons are something that are always with you.
Remember how I had a kid 7 months ago? Remember how I was particularly extra huge and delivered a 9 lbs kid? My body has never recovered. I mean, I gained 40 lbs in 9 months, and lost 38 in the 9 weeks following birth... But everything is... different now. And I am trying to be okay with that. I understand my body is different now, and it should be after having a baby.

My body is different now.
My body is different now, and that means I can't do the same things I used to and expect to still look fabulous in a teeny bikini. I need to eat different and exercise different. I mean, really, I need to exercise period. Something I have never consistently done before.
So it's time to make that happen. Hence my goal. And... the purpose for this post. It's not just to tell you the sad story of the demise of my once smooth flat belly... but to share with you where I'm starting. Sooo... this is the first day of training... and this is my before, brace yourselves:

See all that doughy squishy-ness? I am ready for it to be gone. To make it happen, along with my half-marathon training (cardio), I will be doing some strength training, and trying to make consistent, better choices in the food world. Nothing extreme, no diets or INSANITY workouts... just 12 weeks of doing better. And hopefully... results. (and maybe I should get a tan.)
So this is just the before. I hope I have something better to show you in twelve weeks. Cheer me on?

Full Disclosure: This is the most terrifying thing I have ever posted on my blog. I cringe a little doing it. I mean, who wants to post unflattering pictures of their weakest parts in a public space? But I feel like it's really important to be vulnerable and honest here, to force myself into some action. Please be kind.