Monday, July 27, 2009

A year of living dangerously happy

Yes, I am quoting Carbon Leaf again... I just can't help it, not only are they one of my favorite bands but they have such clever lyrics that seem to stick with me... or make an impact at just the right time.
On their newest album, Nothing Rhymes With Woman, they have a song called The Lake of Silver Bells. As best as I understand it, it tells about a sort of dream world... but their songs are always open for interpretation (Every girl in the world has a horse??? What DOES that mean???) Anyway, one line in the song talks about a 'year of living dangerously happy'... I liked that idea: living dangerously happy. It makes a lot of sense. When you get to a place where you truly allow yourself to be happy, you also have to be a little bit vulnerable. And thats a little bit dangerous. Maybe a lot dangerous at times. But I spent a lot of years being safely miserable, sooo...
It was time for something different. A little over a year ago I decided to live a little bit dangerously in search of happiness. I didn't wait long before I found it, and...
Next weekend (august 2) is the 1 year anniversary of the day I met Zachary, my fiance. It's been a great year. Not perfect, but one of the happiest of my 24 so far. So when I heard the lyrics to that song I thought... hmmm... yeah, thats fitting right now. We've been living this year dangerously happy. I really am so happy with him. And I love that. And I love a little bit of danger... I love being so blessed and so loved and so happy.
I kinda get that it's not always rainbows and daisies, but it's a choice to still be happy and look for joy during worse times. Which is where the danger comes in... because it hurts to make that choice sometimes, right? Regardless, thats how I want to live.
Here's to another 'year of living dangerously happy'!
(Thanks again, CL)

Sunday, July 26, 2009

I'm really not a 'moment' kind of person

It happened. I walked into a bridal shop a little tired and not looking forward to stuffing myself into another 15 dresses just to feel indecisive and a little self conscious... but then it happened. I put on a dress and I walked out of the dressing room and I immediately liked what I saw in the mirror. My sister, best friend, and the dressing room attendant all confirmed that it was perfect. They put on the veil and the pearls and I just stood there for the longest time staring at myself. I took it off, and tried on a few more dresses just for the sake of comparison, and we did find a dress that was a close second... so then I was torn and studying my reflection closely and cataloguing all my like and dislikes about each of the two dresses. They stuck a veil on my head... and really, I know I sound vain, but the effect was just stunning. So now I was REALLY torn. And I started to feel a little stressed and I got a little sweaty. So we took a little break and then I put the first dress back on...
and this time when I stood up on the platform and peered into the mirror... I was standing in this beautiful gown, complete with veil and accessories, looking absolutely classic and beautiful... and I FELT classic and beautiful. And I had a little moment-- and I'm not a moment kind of person-- but I got just the tiniest bit misty. I didn't think anyone noticed, but the dressing room attendant caught me-- and said: I think you just made your decision.
Yeah I did.
So I bought my wedding dress today... and there is this strange sort of high that follows that kind of significant purchase (One that the fiance totally could not comprehend), and i am still riding on that... because it is now 2:30 and I can't sleep to save my soul. So I think I will go put my dress on the dress form in the sewing room and admire how pretty it is...

Friday, July 24, 2009


Overall, not a bad way to spend the day. I left work early for an appointment that really didn't last very long at all, but opted to join my girlfriends at the pool rather than returning to work. (shhh... don't tell!) We soaked up the sun and chatted and enjoyed the cool water on rafts floating about the otherwise empty pool... then when 4:00 rolled around we headed to go workout. (And I decided tonight that working out is just that much more enjoyable when you are a little pissed off). After working out I spent the next couple hours trying to ignore my sweaty-ness while i got somethings packed at the duplex then FINALLY headed to my parents house to shower.
When I stripped off my stinky workout clothes and glanced in the mirror i was pleasantly surprised to find my tummy chest and shoulders a little pink. I turned around to examine my back and it too showed signs of being in the sun and a dramatic line across my lower back where the sun met the top of my suit. Nice. Turn on the water, hop in the shower... OH CRAP! I forgot that steamy hot showers and even slight sunburns don't mix well. Yikes.
But now I am relaxed, exercised, clean, slightly pink, and sitting around in my underpants... because who wants to put clothes on sunburnt skin? No one. And who else is living in the house I currently inhabit? No one.
Anyway, like I said... overall, not a bad day. Oooh... you know what would make it perfect? If I had a nice guy to cuddle up with for a while... I wonder where I could find one of those... anyone???

Friday, July 17, 2009

A week after Birdie

A week ago today was opening night of our three show run of Bye bye, Birdie. The six weeks leading up to a week ago today were pretty much insanity... which is why a week later and I am pretty sure I still havn't caught my breath. And for whatever reason I was under the impression that after the musical was over I would have some time to relax and life would 'settle down' a bit... but, um, no. Not so much. Now there is moving, and wedding, and so many other things dominating my time... How do you ever catch up? I don't know.
Regardless, I LOVE the things that happen during a show. Things like making new friends or reconnecting with old... or getting to tap into your 15 yr old self and be a little silly and 'boy-crazy'... or learning how to make something from nothing (or a leopard print robe from a scrap of fabric, as the case may be)... I think my favorite moment of a show is at the end of the curtain call when everyone just stands and waves as the curtains close. It's a really spectacular moment because all your nerves are gone but your energy is still high and you have just completed something great with all the people around you. Mmm... GREAT moment.
So now it's a week later and the cast party and veiwing the DVD is tonight and I am excited to have Bye, Bye Birdie back just for one night before we say so long to it forever... But such is the case with theatre, always moving on to whats next. Hmm... what IS next?
(pictures, in order: Me and my 'Mom', With my fav trio of girls, trying to evade Conrad's advances... and smooching my for-real boy after the show!)

Sunday, July 5, 2009


What's that word...? You know the one you are supposed to say when the man you love is kneeling in front of you with a ring asking if you will marry him? Because i swear my mind went blank as that ring sparkled in the sunlight... and I was just smiling like and idiot and and pulling him back up to sit next to me. I nodded. I said-- uh huh... but the right word didn't come to me until several minutes later...
Okay, our engagement story from the beginning:
It's saturday, the fourth of july, one of my favorite days because i love fireworks displays. I had been up LATE the night before at a concert with my friend, and i was up EARLY that morning because I was on TV (long story, BBB promos, anywho...). Zach came and picked me up to take me out to lunch. We hadn't made any definite plans for the day (or so I thought) which I was slightly annoyed about but trying not to be. We went and got some pizza for lunch and after Zach suggested we go to the park and walk around for a bit. So we headed to Black Hoof Park in Lenexa. It sits on a nice lake and there is a big fancy dam with fountain things and water... i don't know, it's pretty. Last time we were there we didn't get to walk all the way around to the dam, and I was disappointed so Zach suggested we do so today, it was a beautiful day, so I was game.
So we get to the dam and check it all out and it's cool and we are sitting at the top watching the water and enjoying the nice breeze, when he says... "I got you a present." Um, okay. "It's in my pocket..." And he pulled out a ring box and I laughed and said... "oh shut up!" And then he got down on one knee and said will you marry me... and I am pretty sure he didn't even have it out before I was nodding and pulling him back to sit next to me... and I didn't actually say yes until a little bit later because I was smiling like an idiot and staring at the sparkling ring and trying to kiss him and hold back tears all at the same time.
So we get the ring on my finger and it is gorgeous, and I remembered to say yes and I am still smiling like crazy but we sat for only about 30 more seconds before he said, do you want to go so you can start calling people? (Good man.) And I said Uh huh. So I am pretty sure I skipped and giggled all the way back to the car, and asked him about a million times if this was for real...
And it is. And he asked me to marry him. And I said YES! And we are so excited!

p.s. We went back to the spot later that day with a friend (thanks Caleb!) and staged a few pictures... corny, I know. But whatever so am I.