This morning I went to the Dr.
I've had this appointment scheduled for weeks and I have been pretty anxious about it. It was one of those situations where it was either going to be really good news, or really bad news. Probably a very small chance of bad news, but the worrier in me was obsessing over that tiny percentage. I wanted Z to come with me, but his work scheduled him even though he requested off... and I panicked wondering how i would make it through without my strong, calm husband by my side.
I asked my mom to come with me, just in case-- I didn't want to be alone.
I got there and did the normal thing--you know, answer a billion personal, prying, and embarrassing questions. Then the doctor came in, squirted goop on my tummy and pressed a little device to my abdomen. There were a few quiet, tense seconds of silence... and then! The most amazing sound in the whole world: A quick, but strong and healthy fetal heartbeat. But not any heartbeat-- the heartbeat of MY baby. The one growing inside of ME.
I beamed. And then my eyes got all misty and a tear may have slipped out. It was the most amazing thing I've ever heard... like a little train chugging away... or kinda like a washing machine... only, amazing. haha. It's beautiful and indescribable.
My fear and anxiety immediately were gone. Everyone in the room was smiling. Everything is right and perfect and our little baby is healthy and strong and doing just what he should be: growing and growing until December when we will finally get to meet Baby P for the first time.
I already love my little Baby P more than I can even stand. Being a parent is going to be such a trip. :)
Friday, May 27, 2011
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Happy Anniversary
You can read about The Perfect Day if you want... Part I and Part II
May 22, 2010
May 22, 2011
It's been a good year. Had it's ups and downs and moments when I was afraid my husband wouldn't make it through meal time becuase I was going to choke him if he made one more comment about me trying to poison him with vegetables on his plate... but for the most part good. At the same time, I think we have both learned a lot about ourselves and each other in this past year and we have stretched and grown because of it. We are happy. And very much in love. :)
And... right now we are hopeful and excited about the future and the wonderful things year #2 will bring to our lives... (and of course many more years after that!)
Happy Anniversary to my Hubs! Love you so much!
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
In Defense of 'The Bandwagon'
Sometimes 'because everyone else is' turns out to be a really lousy reason to do something. But when you find yourself doing the same thing as everyone else at the same time as everyone else (lets just give you the benefit of the doubt and say you had your own plans and reasons for it--) well it turns out sometimes the bandwagon can be a comfortable and supportive place to carry those plans out...
I'm just saying... sometimes deciding NOT to march to your own beat can be helpful.
Am I making sense or just mashing too many metaphors into a confusing porridge of my own musings and vagueness?
I'm just saying... sometimes deciding NOT to march to your own beat can be helpful.
Am I making sense or just mashing too many metaphors into a confusing porridge of my own musings and vagueness?
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Distractions
My work is a little crazy. Crazy people who bring their crazy kids and crazy dogs to work with them.
Anyway I am a bit spacey and having trouble staying focused on my work today anyway.
And then there was just an overly dramatic dog fight, and the dogs were crying and people were yelling and trying to tear them apart and now person A is mad at person B becuase their dog A hurt dog B but person A thinks that dog A is innocent and dog B was the one that attacked. And person C is all upset becuase what if dog A or B goes after children C when they are here...
And I think that the whole issue could be resolved quite easily.
Leave your kids and dogs at home. This is an office. None of them have any place here. Let's get back to work.
Amen.
Anyway I am a bit spacey and having trouble staying focused on my work today anyway.
And then there was just an overly dramatic dog fight, and the dogs were crying and people were yelling and trying to tear them apart and now person A is mad at person B becuase their dog A hurt dog B but person A thinks that dog A is innocent and dog B was the one that attacked. And person C is all upset becuase what if dog A or B goes after children C when they are here...
And I think that the whole issue could be resolved quite easily.
Leave your kids and dogs at home. This is an office. None of them have any place here. Let's get back to work.
Amen.
Friday, April 29, 2011
Sadness
I am always surprised when adults act like children. When they lose their temper, or throw tantrums, or act selfishly with no regard to how or who it might affect around them. Sometimes adults allow themselves to go so far that they lose control of their thought processes, their reasoning, and their actions.
I am always surprised when adults don't understand that their out of control actions hurt people. And hurt relationships. And hurt careers. And hurt themselves in many ways.
I know we all occasionally get frustrated, say things we regret, hurt people without thinking... that's normal, that's human. That's not what I am talking about. To not be able to control your rage and your actions in your rage? To be so blinded by your rage that you hurt and destroy your property, relationships, or loved ones beyond repair? To lose control and start acting in a manner aimed specifically at hurting someone? I am worried about those people. I am saddened by those people.
And I am a little surprised by it whenever I see it. You are an adult. Stop acting out of childish, selfish, anger. Put in the work to learn self control and love, and let that rule your actions. Nope, it's not really a simple task, but it is is necessary. It doesn't mean that you will never feel angry again. It does mean that when you are angry you can act without destroying your property, your relationships, your loved ones, and even ultimately, yourself.
It's time to grow up.
I am always surprised when adults don't understand that their out of control actions hurt people. And hurt relationships. And hurt careers. And hurt themselves in many ways.
I know we all occasionally get frustrated, say things we regret, hurt people without thinking... that's normal, that's human. That's not what I am talking about. To not be able to control your rage and your actions in your rage? To be so blinded by your rage that you hurt and destroy your property, relationships, or loved ones beyond repair? To lose control and start acting in a manner aimed specifically at hurting someone? I am worried about those people. I am saddened by those people.
And I am a little surprised by it whenever I see it. You are an adult. Stop acting out of childish, selfish, anger. Put in the work to learn self control and love, and let that rule your actions. Nope, it's not really a simple task, but it is is necessary. It doesn't mean that you will never feel angry again. It does mean that when you are angry you can act without destroying your property, your relationships, your loved ones, and even ultimately, yourself.
It's time to grow up.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Just another day at work.
I have told you before that the people I work with are kinda crazy. I mean, I think everyone's boss and coworkers are crazy... but mine are sitcom level crazy. Sometimes I am so absolutely bewildered and frustrated trying to communicate with them all I can do is shake my head and walk away. Today is one of those days.
This is an actual conversation with my boss. On a normal day, I will have at least 4-6 conversations with similar structure and outcome. It basically boils down to this issue: My boss doesn't listen to me. When I talk he stares at me blankly then guesses what he thinks I might have said, and goes with that. Like today:
Me: Boss, I just talked to them and the ABC account is scheduled to pay on the 30th of this month.
Boss: Okay, hold on. Let me look that up.
(he proceeds to start clicking stuff on his screen for about 3 minutes. At one point I start to leave because I only came back to tell him that one thing, and he says-- no wait this what you were asking about, I almost got it. So I wait.)
Boss: Well they haven't made a payment since Feb 5th.
Me: Who hasn't pad since Feb?
Boss: XYZ account.
Me: Okay, well I just came back to tell you that ABC account will pay on the 30th.
Boss: Oh, well why did you have me look up XYZ?
Me: I didn't. I said ABC is scheduled to pay on the 30th of this month
Boss: Oh, I thought you said we received payment from XYZ last month, and I don't know why you had me look that up, because you can look it up just like I can.
Me: I didn't ask you to look up anything. I told you ABC is scheduled to pay April 30th.
Boss: Oh, April 30th. I thought you meant February. Well, sorry you got confused about that.
Um... what was that conversation even about? How many times did I say ABC account was paying on April 30th? Why was he thinking February? Is he aware there is no such thing as the 30th of February? Did he walk away from this conversation with any more knowledge than he started it with? I don't think so.
Like I said, though, I will have probably 4 or 5 more like this today.
I think my favorite part of the whole interchange is always the last part where he in some way blames me for the confusion.
Yes. I was quite unclear.
My apologies.
Oi.
This is an actual conversation with my boss. On a normal day, I will have at least 4-6 conversations with similar structure and outcome. It basically boils down to this issue: My boss doesn't listen to me. When I talk he stares at me blankly then guesses what he thinks I might have said, and goes with that. Like today:
Me: Boss, I just talked to them and the ABC account is scheduled to pay on the 30th of this month.
Boss: Okay, hold on. Let me look that up.
(he proceeds to start clicking stuff on his screen for about 3 minutes. At one point I start to leave because I only came back to tell him that one thing, and he says-- no wait this what you were asking about, I almost got it. So I wait.)
Boss: Well they haven't made a payment since Feb 5th.
Me: Who hasn't pad since Feb?
Boss: XYZ account.
Me: Okay, well I just came back to tell you that ABC account will pay on the 30th.
Boss: Oh, well why did you have me look up XYZ?
Me: I didn't. I said ABC is scheduled to pay on the 30th of this month
Boss: Oh, I thought you said we received payment from XYZ last month, and I don't know why you had me look that up, because you can look it up just like I can.
Me: I didn't ask you to look up anything. I told you ABC is scheduled to pay April 30th.
Boss: Oh, April 30th. I thought you meant February. Well, sorry you got confused about that.
Um... what was that conversation even about? How many times did I say ABC account was paying on April 30th? Why was he thinking February? Is he aware there is no such thing as the 30th of February? Did he walk away from this conversation with any more knowledge than he started it with? I don't think so.
Like I said, though, I will have probably 4 or 5 more like this today.
I think my favorite part of the whole interchange is always the last part where he in some way blames me for the confusion.
Yes. I was quite unclear.
My apologies.
Oi.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
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