displaced

My living situation is complicated right now. I guess i live with my parents, and although this is the house I grew up in, it is no longer that same house to me, nor does it feel like my 'home'. It feels like... I'm inconvenient here. And my parents have been very careful to be nothing but gracious when I am around, but I sense the tension. And then there is the whole belongings search... every other week or so I come 'home' to the bedroom I reside in there to find all my belongings sorted through, rearranged, and neatly stacked in piles. It's under the guise of my mother's never ending pursuit of tidiness, but I know as well as she does that if my clutter really bothered her she could just stop opening the door to look at it. The other day she commented on a paper she found in my trash can when she was going through it. I don't really know what she is searching for, she probably doesn't either... I assume she must believe it to be something terribly incriminating otherwise I can't imagine why she would snoop with such open fervor.
The house I was living in and will live in after I am married is not really my home either at this point... well it was, but then someone else took it over, and while that is where 98% of my belongings are at this point, someone else lives there full time... and he's kinda messy. I don't mind helping clean up, but the man creates more trash than the average family of 10, and it would be a full time job just following him around picking up the candy wrappers he secretes. So that place is kinda messy and uninviting, and even if it weren't, I can't really allow myself to get comfortable over there, because then I get sleepy, but still have to wake and drag my pathetic self across town back to my parents house to sleep.
And, yes, people. I know, this is only temporary. And I should be thankful that I have such gracious parents, and a great living situation worked out-- and I am. I really really am. But right now... I have no place thats home. MY home. I have no place that is my space and mine only, where I truly relax or feel totally comfortable or feel like I could or do belong. And it's a little difficult. And I know it's only for two more months or whatever... but right now all I want is a place to be, which makes the next two months seem like the longest I will ever endure.

How to make Valerie smile:

A surprise note from her beloved in the middle of a busy Monday afternoon ought to do the trick. (smile)
Yup, that ought to do it.

Mac and Cheese

Mac and cheese is my new sick food. Does anyone else have a food that they always crave when they are sick, regardless of how wildly inappropriate consumption may be for their physical state? Mine used to be fried chicken... oh man, every time i got the stomach flu in college the only thing i wanted was fried chicken. Gross, right? Well now it's mac and cheese. I've been less than healthy for the better part of 2010, and I constantly crave mac and cheese! laying in bed with the stomach flu? Mac and cheese. Quarantined to my home with skin disease? Mac and cheese. Nasty cold and nasal congestion? Oh, DEFINITELY mac and cheese.
It's a problem though... because my--er-- more mature, discerning palate cannot be satiated by KRAFT mac and cheese-- that color-of-orange-not-found-in-nature-powder-cheese stuff doesn't do it for me. I like REAL mac and cheese. The baked custard kind... you know, with real cheese (maybe more than 1 kind) and cream and crunchy goodness on top? (swoon) The likes of which cannot be purchased in a box at the grocery store for 57 cents.
Mercifully, the stars have aligned in my favor, or the gods have smiled upon me... or something like that... because Panera now offers mac and cheese that is... well, passable. (It's creamy and yummy and a color found in nature, but not crunchy goodness. sigh.) And it's about as close to fast food as you are going to find a Valerie approved mac and cheese... so when the sickness hits and the desire for mac and cheese hits simultaneously... relief is only as far as the next panera. (Unless daddy is around and i can get him to make me the real stuff! :) mmmm...)

This week's to do list

(I will update and mark off as I complete them!)

1) Complete and send in taxes (yes, i know, i'm behind, cutting it close, blah, whatever.)
2) Call Hotel to confirm wedding reservation---- DONE! In one phone call, for all Z's drama over it, they were super nice and easy to work with for me, go figure!
3) Complete and send out shower invites for April's Shower--DONE! and in the mail... finally! Those took a lot longer than I thought they would!
4) Write and send thank yous for my shower
5) Paint letters and candles (for wedding decor)
6) Make eye appointment----DONE! They didn't have an appointment open the a.m. of the 26th of April, but they worked me in becuase they love me, and it's been like... 5 years since I have been to coralville. :)
7) Find new easter/shower dress
8) Create new recipe for Z and I Saturday night dinner. Hmmmm...
9) Laundry
10) Find undergarments for wedding dress (sigh, stupid complicated dress.)----DONE! Geez, that should not have been as complicated as it was!
11) Purchase zipper and finish Flower Girl Dress ----HALF DONE I purchased the zipper... will work on the dress this weekend probably.
12) Clean out my car

Wedding Shower

We look alike! Haha I have always been told I look a lot like my mom... this picture, taken at my wedding shower this weekend shows myself, my mom, and my future mother-in-law... who people are now telling me I also look like. Hmmm... I guess I just belong in that family too!


Anyhows... the shower was LOVELY. I know my mom was kind of crazy manic for a week preparing for it, but all her work was worth it. Decorations we beautiful, food was incredible, and so much thought and effort went into every detail of the day. It was so special!


It's kinda interesting to be the guest of honor... admittedly I am much more comfortable throwing a party than having one thrown for me, but I enjoyed the perks at this one... ordering a double plate of food and parking in the fire lane so I wouldn't have to walk through the snow. If anyone asks... because I'm the Bride, thats why!

The day was great and I felt well loved and blessed to have so many creative, talented, generous, and loving friends and family. Thank you, everyone!

Opinions

So basically what happened was Groom gave his opinion when it was not asked of him, and was secretly slightly hacked when we went with Bride's much better plan. So now Bride asks Groom his opinion on something that she genuinely wants to be his preference... and Groom doesn't want to give it, he says that it doesn't matter. See, Bride just wants him to make a decision, because she has tried not to overwhelm him with menial decisions on wedding details and mistakingly asks, How many times have I asked your opinion? Can you just help me oout this once? In response groom brings up previously mentioned circumstance... Bride decided not to point out that his opinion was not actually asked then, but rather apologized that he felt he had not been heard, and sighed as she relented to making yet another decision with little help from Groom. She hopes he likes chocolate cake.

SO not funny

Someone hacked into our wedding registry and started adding baby items. A crib, a carrier, a swing, and diapers...
Dear Hacker, you are SOOO not funny... and when I find out who you are, you will no longer be laughing.

Bliss

They say ignorance is bliss, and maybe thats true. There is this moment right before you you find out life-altering news... in that moment--whether or not you have a hint of whats coming--there is a certain security in not knowing; Even though that seems like backward logic. But once you know something, you can't un-know something... and even if it is better in the long run, to know... I have often found myself wishing for that unplanned, uncomplicated moment right before I knew for sure. At the time I didn't feel it-- but in retrospect, when that untouchable moment of ignorance seems so faraway, it also seems so... blissful. sigh.

Nesting

heh heh ;)

Compromised

There was a loaf of italian bread sitting in it's paper bag on the kitchen table. The family was down stairs chatting and watching TV when we see one of the dogs go flying by and out the dog door with something suspicious looking in its mouth. Huh. Z and I went outside to investigate and found she had claimed a torn open empty bread wrapper-- and was not giving it back for any reason. We laughed, actually, at the thought of the dog crawling up on the table, devouring an entire loaf of bread then sneaking off to bury the evidence...
We went back inside and climbed the stairs to the first level, chuckling as we went... but what should we find when we reach the top of the stairs? A completely in-tact, untouched loaf of italian bread sitting casusally on the floor at the top of the stairs. Huh. Why would the dog be after the wrapper and not the bread? How did the dog move the bread from the table to the floor without damaging it in any way? And why, oh why, is the sight of a loaf of bread in the middle of the floor so darn entertaining?
My mom walked up the stairs and said-- 'Well the bread is still perfectly fine! Imagine that, she didn't even touch it!' And... she picked it up, re-wrapped it, and put it in the pantry. Z and I looked at each other, and though we exchanged no words, I know we were thinking the same thing: "I'm not eating that bread." Because we cannot account for the whereabouts of the bread for the entire evening, or gaurantee the cleanliness of all surfaces (including a dog) the bread came into contact with that evening--
We kinda feel as though that loaf of bread has been compromised.

Breakdown

OMG. I just spent about ten hours assembling wedding invitations, addressing, and stuffing envelopes. The invite has been scrutinized for months, changed about 15 times, and proofread/edited by at least 6 people. The 150 wedding invitations just went to the mail and I happened to pick up an extra to examine my handy work... found a typo on the invite.
I think I am going to be sick.

Patience

pa·tience   /ˈpeɪʃəns/
1.the quality of being patient, as the bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain, without complaint, loss of temper, irritation, or the like.
2.an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay.
3.quiet, steady perseverance; even-tempered care; diligence.

3

Yesterday was a very good day for me. I completed three very important tasks that have been months (even years!) in the making. Completing something that you have worked on, worried over, or prepared for so long... well, it feels fantastic. I am relieved, affirmed, content, and hopeful! What a great day.
Of course then I stayed awake all night stressing about something entirely different-- so the cycle continues, but at least I have the satisfaction of yesterday's accomplishments under my belt. hmmm. (smile)