It's funny how...

...when you think things are finally going to turn out great-- something always goes awry.
Not awry as in, throws you into the dark deep pits of despair kind of awry, but just enough to twist your plans out of the shape you had so carefully groomed them for and take you back a few steps... and probably your pride down a few notches. You following? I am bad at metaphors. It works out in my brain. Anyway...
Things were going pretty good, and one little blow has set me back considerably... all those yucky feelings of doubt frustration and lonliness have visited me today, and I feel like I am no further than I was a year ago. UGH. I know I will get past it... but that rational knowledge hasn't quite reached the less rational more emotional corners of my being yet. I know I will move forward and past this, but it seems out of sight right now. In the mean time, patience and affirmations are needed... but how do you ask someone for that? I am afraid of being needy, but I know I have to get better about communicating my needs with the people who can help me. It's all this weird balance of communication and understanding and stuff I am not good at.
I don't know if any of this has a point tonight. Maybe it's more about soemthings I have been thinking the past couple weeks and less about something that makes sense or is enjoyable for you to read. I have those days sometimes. Sorry if you were hoping for something profound or ammusing today.
Ugh, I am growing up and learning a lot and having set backs a long the way, but I am doing alright i guess. I hope. Dear Lord, Help?

Hot chocolate makes everything better...

Mmm... hot chocolate on a cold day makes everything better...
...even a bad chill and a headache.
...even people at work who are intentionally obnoxious.
...even a day you wasted looking for your keys when they were right there the whole time.
...even that stupid crack in your windshield.
...even awkward couple gifts from mom to you and your boyfriend.
...even insomnia.
...even a bad case of the munchies.
...even your boss calling you hefty.
...even bad days, lonely nights, and second thoughts. (sigh, yeah, i miss you.)
Yup... everything.

Live from my couch:

I think the stress and frustration and business of this past week finally just took it's toll on my body... and stress won. Which left me curled in a miserable little ball on my bed willing the headache to go away with all my might, and having no luck accomplishing the task. Thanks to the marvels of modern medicine, I was able to take some drugs that knocked me out for a solid 8 hrs. When I awoke this morning, however, the drugs had not knocked out the headache. which is why I come to you now, live from my couch, when I should be at work. I actually am feeling better now, but it being a little after one it is not worth it to go into work for a couple hours just to deal with junk when I am still not at 100%. So Winston and I are taking it easy.
Actually, Winston thinks he's a king today, becuase someone stayed home to keep the bed warm just for him! Cool, huh?
I think I shall round out my sick-y fest/day off by eating some oatmeal, wrapping a few straggling Christmas presents, and begging my roommate to go pick up my pay check. If all goes well I should be rosey enough to view last nights episode of The Office with Lance by this evening. Can't wait! Now I just have to find motivation to shower...

Oh Flu Season, Don't be late!

At this point I am willing to contract many kinds of sickness to avoid work. If anyone has a particularly nasty flu or a cold they could throw my direction, that would be great... actually, come spend some time with me. We could share a beverage or something. It'll be great fun.

What I'm eating today:

Valerie's Creamy, Cheesy, Broccoli Soup Goodness, or Soup for Boyfriends.

.25 cup chopped yellow onion
1-2 cloves chopped garlic
1 tblsp butter
spoonful of flour
1 cup milk
1.5 cups chicken stock
6 oz cream cheese (cubed)
2 oz shredded swiss cheese
4 oz shredded sharp cheddar cheese
10 oz chopped frozen broccoli
.25 tsp. Nutmeg (secret ingredient that makes it SO VERY yummy-- don't skip it becuase it seems weird.)
Salt and pepper

Saute onions and garlic in butter until onion is translucent-ish. Blend in flour reduce to med heat and add cream cheese and milk. Stir until cream cheese is melted smooth. Stir in chicken stock and cheese, then broccoli, nutmeg and salt/pepper to taste. Heat over medium 'til it bubbles a bit. You can put it through the blender if you desire a nice smooth consistancy, i kinda like it chunky. Serve with a little shredded cheddar on top to make it pretty and some crusty bread. Yummy. Francesca's boyfriend could eat the whole pot, but we make him share.

I love my job.

Today was a weird day. The system of logging tickets that we have been doing for the past year is all of a sudden completely wrong today. Jim says he never told me to enter things that way (he did) and that he was not a part of the conversation where that decision was made (he was the instigator). So i am supposed to do things completely different... but thus far everyone has been so upset about the old incorrect way i have been doing things that no one has bothered to tell me the correct way to do it. I tried to ask... and just more drama and frustration over the old way. So i am kind of sitting here with a pile of work to do, and no idea how they want me to do it differently... and i am just twiddling my thumbs til they can get over the drama and explain to me how things should go.
I love my job.
OH also... I got in trouble today becuase I have been texting more than my allotted share (my work provides me with a cell phone, also for personal use-- it's cool to not have a cell phone bill, but sucks that they have access to me 24 hrs a day-- and take advantage of it... but i can't complain, becuase i don't have a cell phone bill, but it sucks that they get to decide how and how much I get to use it... But I don't have a cell phone bil... sooooo... anyway) they noticed that my texting has picked up significantly since august... I wonder what that trend might represent? Jim thinks it has something to do with Lance. Jim's solution: "Give your boyfriend an extra kiss on the cheek at night and try to control yourselves." (Yes, he actually said that to me, which wasn't at all awkward...)
On the plus side, the UPS creeper came today and he told me my hair looks good and that I look really pretty today. Thanks, Creeper! :)
What was that, again... ? Oh yes: I LOVE MY JOB.
(maybe if i keep saying it, it will come true...?)

Distracted

I grabbed an apple on my way out the door... I noticed it had a sticker on the side, and made a mental note to remove that before I chowed down. about 10 minutes later I am driving down the road and thoroughly enjoying my honey crisp apple and I remember the sticker. I go to remove it from the apple... but the sticker is no longer there. Granted neither is half the apple, which only leads me to believe...

Go Self-Esteem!

Not every day is a good day, and some days you just have to sit your butt down on the couch and eat your Haagen Dazs right out of the carton.

I run like a girl.

I had a good run today. I am finally getting in a groove. And not hating every minute of it. I drug my roommate along, (drug her along, haha) and was actually able to not only keep up but also hold a conversation at a consistent pace. This is progress.
I hate to admit it to all of you (go ahead and say I told you so) but having actual running shoes really does make a difference. I have had them for only 3 days, but my past 3 runs have been significantly less painful than the first however many months of running. It makes it a little easier to get my bootie out the door when i know there is not going to be pain on the other end, so there you go, lesson learned: equipment does matter.
Speaking of equipment I am anxious to add one more piece to my running arsenal. I desperately desire the nike+ running system to outfit my ipod nano. (I know, whatever, i am at peace with the fact that I am an ipod whore now.) Seriously, the more I read about it, the cooler I think it is, and especially after Rebecca's positive review today, I very much want one. The only thing standing in the way of myself that that nike+ ipod amazingness is my unfortunate financial situation. I am trying to be responsible and not just buy something I can't afford just because I want it, and it would be fairly easy to justify as it is a moderately reasonable price of $29-ish. But, at least this week, the checkbook says no, so I am anxiously awaiting the day that it will say yes-- or, you know, Christmas when santa brings it. Whichever comes first.
My adorable boyfriend slash self-appointed running coach Zachary purchased this book for me to motivate and inform me about this ambitious goal I have set. I flipped through (oooh... lots of glossy pictures, lists, and charts! YES!), and read a portion of it while lazing around in bed on Saturday morning. It's a pretty good resource. So far my favorite part is in the very first chapter. In his discussion of goals the author suggests, if you are a first time marathoner, you should have just three goals, and they are as follows:
1) Finish in an upright position,
2) with a smile on your face,
3) wanting to do it again.
...I think that's pretty sound, so I'm sticking with that for now. Though it does somewhat ruin the plan Ashley and I had to swoon near the finish line and be carried across by a beefy and strikingly handsome paramedic... oh well, we'll save the dramatic flair for the second race. This one, I just want to make it across the line without puking-- because puke is not so cute on the new pink running shoes.

Ring Ring

One of my favorite things is when I tell my boss Jessica is on the phone and he looks at me all confused and says-- "Jessica... who?" Jessica is his daughter. She is also employed there. And yet... he never disappoints me.

I heart new shoes

So I bought new running shoes today. I don't know if they are really good running shoes, or if they fit my feet correctly or if they will improve the situation with the pain in the arches and shins... but they are at least categorized as "running shoes" so ya'll can leave me alone now about my poor choices in foot wear. They were also relatively cheap, which is the only way they were coming into my possession. Becca is the one that picked them out, so if you still wish to ridicule my footwear all comments can be directed toward Becca. I like them because they are pink.
I think I am really excited becuase having new shoes is probably a good excuse to buy new socks too. I REALLY heart new socks. Ooh, yeah, i just got really excited about new socks.

What I'm eating today:

Sweet Potato Custard
Valerie style

2 medium sweet potatoes
2 eggs
1 cup 2% milk
1/4 cup heavy cream
1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1 tablespoon brown sugar
pinch of salt
fresh ground pepper to taste(I like pink peppercorns)
dash of cinnamon
maple syrup

Bake potatoes @ 400 degrees for about an hour. Let cool slightly and remove skin. Mash potatoes in a medium bowl and set aside.
Whisk together eggs, milk, cream, nutmeg, sugar, salt, and pepper, and cinnamon in a meduim. Whisk milk mixture into potatoes. Puree mixture in blender or food processor till it is very smooth and pour into ramekins or small casserole dish. Bake @ 300 degrees for about 30 mins... it might wiggle slightly in the middle when you take it out.
Let cool slightly, and serve warm or room temp with pure maple syrup drizzled over the top...
Yum. my. ness. Enjoy! I did.

Superman

Last Saturday several of my friends ran KC 1/2 marathon. I showed up at the end to see them finish (i was not there for the starting line... me get up at 5:00 on a saturday? Um, no thanks, love you but not that much.) It was pretty much amazing. It was totally exciting. And... while I was there to cheer on all of my friends running that day I have to admit I had a bit more vested interest in one of the runners... When I met up with Zach after he completed the race he had such a huge smile on his face. He was so excited and proud, and pretty much looked like he would take on the world-- no sweat-- at that very moment. And he probably could, i don't know. I am so impressed with his accomplishment, and pretty much obliterating all his goals... amazing. It had to be pretty amazing for him too. You could see it all over his face. Maybe my favorite Zach moment to date. I don't know, i'll get back to you on that one...
Seeing them complete their race got me all excited for completing one of my own... Oh boy, we are heading to Florida for the Disney Princess Half Marathon. This is pretty much a big deal, becuase I am not a runner. I am not even athletic. I am barely coordinated. But... I am determined, and I am excited, and I am going to at least cross the finish line... even if I crawl accross. haha I am pretty sure I am going to die, if Zach (who is a runner anyway...) was pretty sore for a couple days after the race, so I am pretty gaurunteed death on the spot. Yargh.
Last night we were discussing his amazingly quick recovery, and he said "I'm fine. I could probably run another one this weekend..." Kid thinks he's superman. I wish I had his invincibility complex. "Training" is in full swing and I am scared... wish me luck!

12 things you probably didn't know about me:

12) I grind my teeth when I am concentrating very hard.
11) I can't sleep with socks on.
10) I secretly think myself to be a little more intellegent than my co-workers.
9) My left hand is slightly smaller than my right.
8) I prefer bar soap to body wash.
7) I make a tunnel of pillows and blankets to sleep in becuase I hate a big empty bed.
6) There is an exceptionally large bump on the back of my skull (I would look ridiculous bald)
5) I hate wearing a watch.
4) When I have used half the bottle, I fill the rest with water to make my conditioner last longer. (Becuase I am cheap!)
3) I eat exactly 24 frosted mini wheats in each bowl. No more, no less. If there are only 23 left in the box, I don't get a bowl of cereal that day.
2) My belly button is slightly tear drop shaped, and I think thats kinda cool.
1) I get exceptionally excited when my phone rings becuase I really don't get calls that often.