Monday, February 8, 2010

Wedding Lessons

So weddings tend to be rather drama-filled. So many expectations coming from so many different people and places... it's just a recipe for disaster no matter who you are or what your relationship to said wedding is. That being said, it seems like quite a few of my friends have recently or are shortly to be married which means wedding drama in my world is x1000 right now. Some people might go crazy from the drama-- or become a cynical, snarky bride-- or swear that of all the weddings out there, theirs will be different (And I have definitely taken all of those routes, but also,)I have chosen to use this as an opportunity to learn. And oh, boy, I have learned enough to fill encyclopedias. But there are a few essentials that I feel inclined to touch on here. And someday, if I do ever get around to writing that book... well, I have plenty of material to get us started:
Chapter One: No one is Original anymore.
The basic premise being-- it's a wedding kids. Everyone has been to a wedding, all weddings have the same basic elements and the same basic outcome (Someone gets married, yes?) "OMG! I was going to do that at my wedding, but now I can't because you did it at your wedding!" Um, why? Myself and the 2 million other brides that had the same 'original idea' are going to kidnap you in the middle of the night and beat you for it? Probably not. Likewise, your ideas are also not special or original-- some one's done it before and will probably do it again. Lets move on.
Chapter Two: Naming your attendants
I've had a couple of friends who have decided not to name an Honor Attendant for their wedding. Not really sure what the reasoning was behind this but it's generally a bad idea for your own sanity. Not that there is a lot of glory in being a Maid of Honor as opposed to a Bridesmaid, but it at least lets people know what their job is. No MOH? Well, okay, but you have just created chaos for the bridesmaids (crap, who is responsible for the shower? Do we have to throw a shower? Does the bride not want a shower?) and left to yourself the responsibility of organizing attendants when that could have-- should have-- been delegated to someone else to save what little sanity you may have left in those last days. sigh. Rookie mistake.
Also if you are inclined to volitile or unpredictable relationships with friends, don't ask your attendants 14 months before your wedding to be in your wedding. It's AWKWARD trying to figure out how to UN-ask someone to be in your wedding. (And you can't always find a fill-in bridesmaid the week before who wears the same size. Although sometimes you get lucky.)
Chapter Three: Learn how to lie (just like everyone else does)
Repeat after me: Oh, I'm sorry, we would love to have you there, but due to budget and space, we are having a very small wedding-- mostly family. Inevitably there are are going to be people who assume they are getting an invite and don't. Or people you may not want at your wedding at all... who wonder if their invite got lost in the mail. Just lie, like everyone else does, about the size of the guest list, be gracious, act flattered they would want to come, and disappointed they cannot... then change the subject and move on with life. If you do it well enough, you may even still get a present out of the un-invited. You do not owe anyone a personal phone call to explain why you don't like them and don't want them at your wedding. In fact, said phone call makes you look like an ass.
Chapter Four: Lowering your expectations after poor planning
I wanted to call this chapter: Guess who doesn't get a party if their best friend is still on a Honeymoon? My 'Editor' renamed it. Seriously though? How the crap do you plan a bachelorette party for someone who's wedding is a mere days from your return from your OWN honeymoon? I don't want to disappoint anyone, but I cannot logistically swing it, and it's not my fault... I did not plan the weddings that close. oi.
Chapter Five: This is a Judged Event
Every bride that's ever been or ever will be, if given the opportunity to attend your wedding or glimpse pictures will scrutinize and judge every detail... And though they would never ever say it to your face I guarantee you their conclusions will be Mine was/will be better. Shrug. It's just the nature of the game.
(and my personal favorite...)
Chapter Six: Past Lovers Make Lousy Bridesmaids
...and just give the wedding a generally creepy feel.

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